Two Twinkles Down

October 3, 2013 § 38 Comments

Well, the blind date last week turned out to be a non-starter.  My sister says you have to meet someone three times before you write them off.  I am keeping an open mind, an ajar-open mind is about as much as I can manage.  It will have to be one huge leap to turn my opinion around but it has been done about people before and can be done again, I guess.  Sometimes I’ve met someone, anyone, male, female, and thought they were cold and deeply unpleasant and I have been so wrong.

This man was not deeply unpleasant, nor was he cold.  But neither was he particularly warm and he left me cold because he rail-roaded the conversation and showed not the slightest glimmer of empathy or heart or interest (not even as a potential mate, even as one human being to another).  Probably didn’t fancy me within about 3 seconds and couldn’t be arsed.  Fair enough.  Or self-obsessed and dim.  Also fair enough.   Makes two of us, probably.

But one thing the experience taught me is that I am happy enough on my own not to compromise all the good things about being alone for the wrong person.  Desperate, sure, but perhaps not that desperate. This one may turn out to be the right one – I doubt it – and if he gets in touch (he did ask for my number), I will see him again just to see if my instinct was right or wide of the mark (possible, but I doubt it).  And if he is as unappealing as I think he is (unless I misheard, which is entirely possible, he is a climate change denier and properly right wing, er, no thanks), then I shall be happy that I am enjoying the fruits of not being with a man like that.  If I am wrong, then we can joke about my foolish mistake into our dotage.

As for the badass who isn’t at all like that, but is charming and clever and open-minded and oddly attractive (I didn’t fancy him at first but he dawned on me) he is a badass nonetheless, and out of the picture.  My sense of self-preservation is such that I am not that dumb.  Well, I probably am, but he is otherwise engaged so I am not going to waste my time and headspace.

Which leaves us with the old, old friend.  I am seeing him tonight.  But I am not hoping.

I have heard so many ghastly stories these past few days about the behaviour of certain men that I have practically lost the will to live.  One of my most beautiful, clever and talented friends ever rang me yesterday overflowing with tears like a weir after being shafted by a man whom she initially resisted precisely because she didn’t want to be hurt but who promised her the earth and then after some weeks of heightened bliss brutalised her with sudden silence.  Another fucking two vulnerable women I know at the same time, neatly mortifying and betraying both.  Yet another and another and another fucking off with tauter, shinier replacements.  And another, Just Married, asking for the telephone number of an attractive friend of mine and flirting to fuck.

Wish me luck tonight.  Myself and luck: never had any; not expecting any; won’t be getting any.

But nice to think someone out there may be so kind as to wish me any.  Thank you.

§ 38 Responses to Two Twinkles Down

  • b says:

    I am wishing you wholehearted good luck tonight and shall continue to all through the evening.


  • Aggie says:

    Lovely to get your new post, and glad you have not given up. Best of luck this evening. Will drink to you myself, and await further news!

  • “Wish me luck tonight. Myself and luck: never had any; not expecting any; won’t be getting any….”

    If you EXPECT to fail, then you’ll almost certainly get what you expect.

    – – – – – – – – — – – — – – – – – –

    Close your eyes, tune out the world, picture it happening …. Envision you two beginning to touch each other and kissing each other….

  • Jan says:

    Wow …. you seem to have so many dates. Lucky you!

    • The Plankton says:

      Not really a date tonight. Merely going somewhere where he is also going to be… Subtle, in fact, not so subtle, difference! Pxx

      • Jan says:

        Ah well, hope it goes well. I haven’t been on a date for 2 1/2 years … so I guess anyone who has/is dating or going out is doing better than me!

  • Eve says:

    Inquiring minds want to know … how did it go?

  • Jill says:

    And I will certainly also raise a glass to you tonight, dear P. Please go with an open mind, and maybe just enjoy the evening for what it is, and not what might come of it. (Sorry, that piece of advice sounds like a maiden aunt you get bedsocks from at Christmas….!)

    As one who has been on a reasonable number of dates with very charming (and some not so charming) men in the recent past and am yet to find The One, I think that the omens for yours tonight are certainly respectable if not a dead cert. More and more I realise that being good friends counts for so much more important in a relationship than any amount of chemistry/sexual attraction. Obviously the attraction is also a sine qua non, as are so many other factors…..unless, of course, you are prepared to be a rich and tubby Russian’s girlfriend like so many I saw in Cyprus last week. The girls were all young and slim and very pretty, the men – all of them wearing horrendous tiny Speedos – strutted about with their hands on their hips and their substantial tummies jutting out. I can only imagine that their bank balances were in inverse proportion to their attractiveness!

    • The Plankton says:

      Gosh, Jill, that picture you paint is vividly depressing. Thanks for the advice re tonight. I am going to have a nice evening, whatever the outcome or lack thereof. Best I can hope for. Pxx

  • Roger Murphy says:

    I too wish you luck and await the outcome with bated breath, as my dates never seem to amount to much either

  • barrytwyman says:

    Good Luck…you have bought a ticket…you stand a chance of winning ! xx

  • jil333 says:

    Just be cool,sure it will go alright. Nothing to lose…

  • Joseyjo says:

    Good luck, you really deserve to be happy….whether it is as a single lady, or with the man of your dreams. I hope it is the latter, fingers crossed!!!

  • EmGee says:

    Good Luck Ms P!!!!! Not a ‘date’ date, so less pressure, right?

  • Terri OConnor says:

    Wishing you all the luck – never to late to become a (or get) lucky lady!

  • Fiona says:

    Definitely wishing you luck, and old friends are often the best, with all the shared past, and old friends know the good in one and take little notice of the occasional faux pas

  • june says:

    Was wondering where you were P. thought youd met the man of you dreams and forgotten to tell us and hed wisked you off somewhere exoticlol

    At least you are getting dates, things are a bit limited in that direction for me. Was chatted up the other week when out for a stroll, on a sunday, have seen this bloke before hes all in cycle gear and he has chatted before, often a bit too suggestive from a man who doesent know me, for my tastes, Anyway this time he said we must go out on one condition, whats that i said, well he said as i live and he named a village few miles outside the city i live in,” i must stay the night,be gentle with me” i said i really wasnt sure about that, god he didnt even know my name, yes he was a bit younger than me, but i didnt fancy him at all and he dosent even know my name, What is with men today they seem to suggest sex before the date has even happended, at least they used to wait til they had wined and dined you. Im sure they all have one track minds they are men after all, but at one time they were less “upfront” and made you feel it was your company thy wanted, you could usually go 3 dates at least.

  • MissBates says:

    As ever, a wickedly witty post, Plankton. Hope tonight brings some enjoyment if nothing else….

    • @ Ms. Bates- and yet once again, it looks as if … …. never mind, I got into trouble with that with one of the comments that I wrote into Ms. P’s “3 Twinkles” blog post last month…

  • mel says:

    good luck tonight , baited breath till the next post.
    oh and June? persevere, we aren’t all that shallow honestly.

    • june says:

      Well Mel in my neck of woods it seems that way and on good old POF. I had a “someone would like to meet you the other day, on there, when i looked at his profile, it said dont want a platonic relationship need a woman! this guy was 71 and he said a few pounds overweight, i think that actually means hardly an adonis. and i dont fancy men in 60s and 70s anyway too old and set in ways for me, i feel much younger than my age. But sadly this seems to be the case in my neck of woods, there is no wooing or dates,its wham bang lets cut to what happened to romance.!

      • EmGee says:

        Well June, at 71, I guess he doesn’t have any time to waste!!! 😉

        It’s sad really, that sex is so much more important to some people, rather than a fulfilling relationship (maybe they are sfar, though, and this is it).
        When a friend of mine is having rough times in her marriage, one thing she always mentions as a reason to stay is because he’s so good in bed. However, he’s one of those people who hit 40 a couple years ago though, and acts like he hit a brick wall – he’s put on loads of weight and according to her, his libido is disappearing in the rolls of fat. She’s mid 30s, and a bit heavy, but she carries it well (also she’s lost about 25 lbs – good for her!), I just hope she decides more sooner than later whether he’s worth it. He can be sweet and charming one minute, and an insufferable prick the next, so it’s a tough call. She could be so much more, and definitely more happy if she was either on her own or with a less volatile person.

      • Dating someone in which there is a huge age difference can be a VERY fulfilling and amazing experience in your personalities are good for each other- I look for an interesting personality in a woman, I don’t mind dating a woman who is much older or much younger than myself….

  • mel says:

    speaking as an older man (late 50’s ) as the old saying goes, for a man sex is like oxygen, it only matters when you aren’t getting any ! i think most men are prepared to wait a little while for intimacy to develop but its a timing tightrope that both sexes have to walk.
    glad i’ve given up on all that dating stuff

  • Annie P says:

    Ms P, I wish you a wonderful evening. Scott is right, you need to picture it going well, self-fulfilling prophecies and all that! This is a lovely man, who is a friend and with whom you share memories. Do you meditate or believe in affirmations? Picture yourself at your very best, full of confidence, looking your best, eager to meet new people, ready for a laugh and a flirt. Talk to lots of people and your friend will see that you are a catch and maybe others will take an interest too…..add to your twinkles. You are going to enjoy this evening whatever happens. What will be will be 😉

  • Just thoughts from a young man, but have you ever considered that these men don’t want to settle anymore because they know there isn’t much in it for them? You see it in the culture from British common law, higher work related deaths, women can get no fault divorces and make money off things like child support and alimony and are cos ya rly abused by the system. Change how men are treated as dispensable and replaceable and watch us be willing to commit more.

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