A Right Bitch

January 28, 2014 § 1,960 Comments

Thank you for all your comments.

I am not depressed, although there is plenty out there that is profoundly depressing, quite apart from the situation in Syria and the obesity crisis and everything in between.  They go without saying.

The immediate in between, the in between that’s in my face this week, and has been for many a moon but is becoming more urgent by the day, is every other woman I know being left by their husbands for a younger cunt, and my still being a plankton a million years after my ex-husband fell upon his with such winning gusto.  There is a conspiracy theory I have, something which none of my friends have the heart to tell me.  The socking great herd of elephants trumpeting in the room, only I am not hearing them.  It is this: I have halitosis, stink of rotting fish, and am contributing, single-handedly, to the global obesity crisis, obv.  I must be.  Why else?

A friend told  me about a woman she knows who is very funny and has flashes of warmth but this woman’s default position according to my friend is prickly, chippy, difficult, charmless, defensive, shy,  rude, and a right bitch about everyone.   She embodies a whole smorgasbord of delightfulness, indeed!  She sounds a complete cow and profoundly off-putting.  She left her husband a few years ago, apparently; been alone since.  And there the story should end but, what do you know, doesn’t.   She has met a man who is kind, sophisticated, clever, funny, generous, adores her and they are in the vortex of Happily Ever After.

What can I say?

Prickly, chippy, difficult, charmless, defensive, shy and rude and a right bitch.

New Year’s Resolution.

§ 1,960 Responses to A Right Bitch

  • AnonW says:

    I feel exactly the same about my predicament. It is now six years since my wife of forty years died and I am nowhere near finding another even special friend. I can’t be that unattractive to the opposite sex, as I still have a lot of women friends and they are honest enough to tell me my problems. The trouble is, that all these ladies are happily married to other men and have been for years, with the exception of a couple of widows. But they have been roped in as free babysitters by their children, so they are useless for a long term relationship.

    If it wasn’t for the reason that I am strongly self-reliant, I’d be going up the wall. But going to the cinema or theatre, shopping and travelling by yourself gets on your wick after a time.

    • Jill says:

      Don’t write off your widowed grandmotherly friends; like me (not widowed, but a (very youthful!) grandmother), they are probably only “treading water” by helping out their children with their children. Given half a chance I bet they would be up for any plans/excursions/ grown-up relationship you might be prepared to offer them. Go on, give it a go…..! Or show them how lovely a man you are by offering to keep them company while they babysit; women love a man who can show affection to babies/small children, and being a “single grandparent” can feel quite sad, especially when one is out and about alone with one’s grandchildren and all the other grandparents seem to be couples.

    • Lydia says:

      That seems so selfish. I went out for a few months with a grandfather who also worked full time but who did once a week have his grandchildren for half a day. I found that really good – a non sexist man who loves his family enough to spend time with them. Surely a woman committed to grandchildren is much nicer than someone within 24 hours a day to sit at your feet being bored? Also plenty of women work or have their own businesses well into their 60s and 70s I certainly will when I reach that age. They would also not be available to sit and worship you for 24 hours a day because they work. Import one from abroad who has no job or family and can just adore you in return for bed and board and sex. They are ten a penny.

    • Minnow says:

      Anon W, why on earth would a woman who babysits her grandchildren be “useless for a long term relationship”? Do you want a woman to be available for you and you alone 24 hours a day? That’s like saying a woman who has a job would be useless for a long term relationship, or a woman who volunteers, or studies, or does anything that would make her unavailable to give you her undivided attention for part of her week. Do you think women who babysit never go to the cinema, the theatre, go shopping or travel?

    • Elle says:

      AnonW did you and your wife have children? If so do you ever take care of your grandchildren?

      People who are married with children have long-term relationships all the time. Indeed, I thought that having children was one of the reasons people have long-term relationships.

      If I was dating a man with children or indeed grandchildren I would think it strange if he DIDN’T spend time with them.

      I’m sure the widowed ladies who care for their grandchildren could spare a few hours to go to the cinema with you if you asked nicely.

      Single women, particularly older ones, have to keep busy because there’s no point in sitting twiddling our thumbs waiting for Mr Right (or indeed Mr Anything) to come along. There’s a good chance he won’t.

      Any intelligent man worth his salt would respect a woman for doing something with her time – be that caring for grandchildren or running a business.

    • C-L B says:

      That woman sounds like me, so why is she not also single? Can’t help but think of this Absolutely Fabulous scene:

      “Saffy (about Jackie): What gives her the right to treat people like that, Mum?
      Eddy: She’s THIN (Happy New Year)”

  • Kevin says:


    • The Plankton says:

      A friend without many benefits, of whom I am exceeding fond but who in every way is a disaster to be exceeding fond of. Having said that, he’s a wonderful companion. I should steer clear but won’t until a better alternative presents himself. I am not holding my breath. Pxx

      • Peggy says:

        Oh, I have one of those badass thingies, I call him shagger! Great friend, easy in the eye, intelligent, great company BUT seriously bad news, can’t / won’t keep his fly buttoned.

        As for poor Anon W. Apparently vitriol is easier swallowed with a large bourbon.

        And my darling Ms. P; so good to have you back – you have been missed. As for those younger ‘cunts’ we either mix in the same circles (unlikely) or it’s universal (more likely) or the third and most likely explanation is that it’s probably like being pregnant. Before succumming to beached whale status I had not noticed how many women were up the duff. The minute you put a bun in the oven it seems as though every other woman of fertile years is too! You’re just more sensitised to it. But really, good to have you back x

      • Elle says:

        There’s nothing wrong with a Badass. They might not promise happy ever after but they are often honest about that and provide other distractions. It is difficult not to get too fond of them, but life would be duller if they weren’t around.

      • Kevin says:

        companion or shagger? I must press the witness 😉

    • The Plankton says:

      The man I like. Pxx

  • jil333 says:

    I suspect some men like a challenge; they don’t see our so called female friends the way we do obviously.
    I have several single friends who appear to have a much better social life than us married people…
    Who is this badass anyway. Everyone is wondering apparently!

  • Lydia says:

    These stories of others who find someone are not something to discourage but encourage. There is someone for everyone. If you are positive and like sex I don’t think it’s hard to find a man at all. There are lots of lonely men around and men need and want a live in partner much more than women do once women have had their children.

  • Can you ask some of those women whom you know whose husbands leave them if they want my email address?

    • Peggy says:

      Scott I’m tempted to correspond with you just to shut you up. You really can’t go asking every rebounding female if they want to be your geisha – you’re coming across as desperate. By the way how are you’re explosive plums?

      • Peggy says:

        Soz typo … You’re should be your

      • Fi says:

        Peggy, please do. 🙂

      • Peggy, if I come across as being desperate, there’s a reason for that, Peggy I AM desperate…

        If I were to graphically describe the answer to your question about “plums,” Ms. P. would have to moderate/ censor my comment and she’d basically have to remove it, but she DOES have my permission to give you my real email address if you request it from her…

      • maria says:

        Scott, why don’t you post your e-mail address once and for all? In case anybody is interested, they’ll let you know.

      • malcolm says:

        Sometimes my foot feels like corresponding with his bum.

  • Peggy- There DO exist some women who say to themselves something to the effect of “OooOOHH !!! That ±*¿¤@°# !!!!! After all of those years of marriage, and I’d thought all along that he was being faithful to me… and what’s worse, now he leaves me for someone so young and so vacuous… That DOES IT !!!” and then they decide that it’s time to get even… ….

    AND sometimes, they don’t want to be alone after discovering that their husbands were being less than honest and less than faithful with them….

    I was in a relationship once, PART of the reason that our relationship began is that a woman whom I knew had discovered that her husband was being less than faithful with her, and she’d decided that what was good for the gander…. …. …. …..

    REALISTICALLY, I’m NOT expecting that Ms. P. will be conversing with some of her friends, and she’ll say to some of them, “you know there’s this American from New York City who keeps writing into this blogsite which I know about, and …. …..”

    I’m just saying that IF she decides that the moment arises where it seems to her socially appropriate for her to say something along those lines to any of her friends, she DOES have my permission to do so…. I’ll leave the decision to her discretion, I trust her judgement on these matters even though I still have absolutely no idea who she actually is ….

    • Fi says:

      Scott if P says anything to her friends it’s probably along the lines of “there’s this weird American middle aged bloke who’s only ever had one girlfriend and he keeps propositioning me and every other single female on the site and writes about how sexually frustrated he is all the time.” And they will say something like “that’s the price you pay if you have a blog – it will always attract nut jobs. But at least he doesn’t have your address or know who you are thank god.”

  • “I have halitosis, stink of rotting fish, and am contributing, single-handedly, to the global obesity crisis….”

    Wouldn’t bother me, but that’s just me… ….

  • maria says:

    P is back! Horray!!

  • Scott, you live in NYC and you’re single? The male-to-female is in your favor. Get off the computer and go to a bar/museum/Barnes and Noble/Fairway/anywhere. Jeez.

    • *Male-to-female ratio. I hate you, autocorrect.

      • MissBates says:

        I think Scott has mentioned that he lives in the suburbs, not the city itself, and therefore I can only imagine that he would be an age-appropriate match for any number of fairly well-to-do middle-aged divorced women who still live in the former marital home with their children. Could you not start hanging out at the local coffee bar on weekday mornings or take a weekday Pilates class? Surely the odds are in your favor. But first things first: you will need to move out of your parents’ basement.

      • 2 can play this game- Miss B- Most of the people who write into Ms. P.’s blogsite appear to live either in the U.K. or in other areas in Europe, in Australia, or in other parts of the world- You however appear to be a fellow Knickerbocker, an environment which I’m quite familiar with- I have NEVER seen a woman unable to meet a man very quickly anywhere in the New York City metro area, from high school students in their teen years, up to octogenarians and nonagenarians who live in 65+ communities… They don’t necessarily meet “Mr. Right” riding on horseback donning his shining armor, who they immediately know quickly that they both want to marry each other and spend the rest of their lives together, that takes notably more time, but when women are looking to explore the “pool,” they always seem to be able to get at least a few phone #’s and email addresses within no more than 2 or three hours- Miss Bates, why have you not shed your planktonhood status?

      • Kevin says:

        I reckon Miss Bates and Scott should get it together.Both single, both in New York. Could be the Plankton blog’s first relationship?

      • MissBates says:

        Well, Scott, your description of the middle-aged dating scene in NY is not one which my fellow NYC-based plankton would recognize. To the contrary, middle-aged women seem to be pretty much “out of luck” in finding an age-appropriate man of similar interests with whom to spend time. (And yes, Lydia –hello there! — I include in that women who are quite happy — nay, would be thrilled — to have a sexual relationship.) The only overture made to me in the last year was from a guy in his 70s. (I’m 52.) Sorry, but no thanks. Yes, that is my choice — I’d rather be dateless than with someone my mother’s age to whom I’m not attracted.

        Might it be, Scott, that in your own forays into the dating world, you are aiming too “high” in the physical stakes– i.e., for the pneumatic, botoxed babes in your well-heeled suburb who are interested only in the hedge fund boys, whereas perhaps the less physically dazzling but still-pleasant looking young woman you see working on her laptop at the Starbucks each morning is more in your league? (And who I would argue is superior to the botoxed babes, but that’s another story for another day.)

        Hate to disappoint you, Kevin, but I suspect I’m about 20 years too old for Scott. Plus, as pointed out by Fi, he makes these occasionally creepy comments on these pages, and his sense of humor, if that’s what it is, does not appeal. And not for nothing, I’m still not convinced that he doesn’t live in his parents’ basement.

  • rosie says:

    And stop the leching. You sound like a decent enough guy but references to touching women’s bodies (or not touching them) is really not cool and would no doubt go down even less well in real life than it does online.

  • terracotta says:

    Mmmmm – well I think we can draw a red line through finding Mr Right now – you’ve given it a jolly good bash. My thoughts would be just enjoy your lovely children before they leave home – you still have great friends and you can still write beautifully – maybe you could put a different slant on your blog – I feel you have such a following now they are almost your responsibility – how lost they would be without you! You are chief stickleback in the Plankton Pool.

    I think its quite sweet scott Benowitz keep writing to the Times – Ive seen him write on other subjects in response to articles and he comes over as pretty intelligent when he’s not talking about jelly fish costumes etc. I wonder if there are equivalent Brits. corresponding endlessly with the New Yorker or something.

  • “I have NEVER seen a woman unable to meet a man very quickly anywhere in the New York City metro area.”

    Scott B, do you live in a different NYC metro area than the one I live in? It’s impossible to meet someone here. I’m actually sort of with someone, but that took a lot of work, and before that I met someone maybe once a year if I was lucky. I have a friend who hasn’t met anyone in five years. She’s not that picky.

    We aren’t ugly or even “right bitches.” New York just sucks. And I don’t live in the suburbs, unless you consider Brooklyn a suburb.

    I have actually seen Brits writing to The New Yorker, but I don’t think that’s what this is about. Planktonhood is an international condition that exists because of sexism and ageism.

    Are you implying that you’re a male plankton? Can such a thing exist?

    Over to you, P.

    • You were only meeting someone on average once per year? Did you try hanging out at the local coffee bar on weekday mornings or taking a weekday Pilates class?

      • Yes. All women there. I also took night classes and went to lectures. All women there too. And it was the other commenter whose name started with “Miss” who suggested Pilates and coffee bars.
        Perhaps I should have hung out at local beer tastings and sports bars. But I didn’t want to meet a guy who would force me to watch the Super Bowl. I wish we had football like in the UK. Instead we have this game in which men smash into each other and develop traumatic brain injury 10 years later.
        Ever try Makor? I went to one event once out of desperation: 50 women and two guys. You would have more phone numbers than you’d know what to do with.

    • Steve says:

      Do male plankton exist? One word; yes

  • rosie says:

    “I met someone maybe once a year if I was lucky.”

    Please tell me your secret (unless it’s online dating), once a year is a veritable smorgasbord from where I’m standing!

  • Kimmy says:

    Glad to see Miss P back – hope the blog keeps going.

    Thought about the discussion here when I read this

    looks like for male plankton it’s not all rosy going either

    • Muriel says:

      I am currently doing the online thing. I have met three people. One of them I met three times. He’d had some fairly strange messages and encounters; women who were clearly 20 years older than their stated age & profile pic, women sending unsolicited pics of body parts, making crude comments etc. I think perhaps some imagine that’s the way to get someone’s attention, maybe it does sometimes work but I’m guessing only for the worst sort of blokes.
      Anyway no-ones yet set the heather on fire . Three dates guy I found attractive but I didn’t think we’d be compatible long term, and I’m not looking for a short or medium term fling.

      • “…women who were clearly 20 years older than their stated age & profile pic, women sending unsolicited pics of body parts, making crude comments etc. I think perhaps some imagine that’s the way to get someone’s attention, maybe it does sometimes work but I’m guessing only for the worst sort of blokes….”

        Even I know better than to try that ….

    • Muriel says:

      No Scott, no men have done any of these things, although I have only given my phone num. to the three I met. However, there was one bloke I was chatting to for about a week. He seemed a good prospect, amusing, flirty, pleasant, responsible job. I was looking forward to meeting him until he revealed that he wanted to spank me. Spanking , it seemed, would be the main, if not the only event. I tried to be broad minded, but having that kind of conversation with someone I’d never met was just too weird.

  • Rosie, it was mostly through this cafe that had personals. But my friend’s cousin got married to a guy she met on Match.com, so there’s hope for online.

  • PY says:

    Well, Ms P , I was seeking closure if you were not up to continuing with the blog but am pleased that you are alive and kicking – even if you still feel like kicking out at anything which comes within muddy boot range. Particularly if they are a younger, taughter, more lithe and fragrant female.

    As for the idea of turning into a right bitch in order to land your dreamboat man, please don’t or I fear it will just be a case of ‘plus ca change plus c’est la meme chose’ …. just with knobs on.

    You might end up securing a door mat of a man but I suspect you can do without a total knob in your life.

    Bon chance and I look forward to the next infrequent episode of planktonesque insight.

  • Muriel says:

    Welcome back P made my day seeing a new post from you! I had given up hope and was in full mourning.

  • Yes, dear Plankton, please keep your overseas fan base in mind. We miss you.

  • Peggy says:

    Also, TLover appears to have disappeared, where are you. Come back to the fold.

    • T Lover says:

      No, not quite.

      I felt a bit flattened by Jill’s comment on the 24th of January (to Alive, if not exactly kicking) and began to wonder what I got out of the blog/why I was still adding comments/do I have a personality defect?

      And these latest two posts have not done a lot for me.

      So, err um.

  • T, you’re the only one who actually defends me on Ms. P’s blog…

    Usually, women write in, they write about how ever since their divorce, they’re either unable to meet any men at all or they’re only able to meet astoundingly creepy men, men who frighten them away, etc. … Then I let them know that I’m quite available and then they find various ways to tell me to save it for someone who might be interested, and they let me know that they doubt that I’ll find anyone …

    • Peggy says:

      T Lover … You’re cryptic .. You’re dry .. You’re honest (warts n all variety) .. You’re loved and missed .. Just for being you .. Please rejoin the fold. I miss your slant on life and your much valued male perspective, sometimes shit stirring, take on life. x

      • Peggy says:

        Ahh. Just scrolled back. Don’t be so thin skinned (or at least don’t show yourself to be such). OS co-ordinates work as do cryptic clues – through it out there along with some available dates and warm the haggis, pour the scotch and see who responds to the treasure hunts of all treasure hunts. GO FOR IT.

      • T Lover says:

        Peggy, thank you. But the thing is I was shaken by what Jill said. I wondered why I was adding comments to a blog, interacting with people I had never met.

        Worse I was worrying about virtual people, people I didn’t know from Adam. Fi’s cancer, Rosie’s apparent loneliness, Jill’s marital break-up angst.

        That’s all. Add the fact I wasn’t taken by these two last posts. Add I have a lot on. Etc. Nothing to do with anything else.

      • Fi says:

        I think Jill is right and we shouldn’t try to lift it off the pages. However I would also say:
        1. It’s rather like working with people that you get on really well with and find yourself with nothing to talk about when you bump into them 6 months after leaving your job. Fundamentally your relationship with them exists in a particular time and space and context. The fact that it doesn’t continue beyond that doesn’t mean therefore it has no value. In fact, especially in relationship to work, it is what makes the difference between making your job enjoyable or not.
        2. Jane Austen exchanged letters with a woman for decades that she had met only once many years before. This space is like an updated penpal relationship and again just because we don’t meet it doesn’t mean therefore it has no value.
        3. Because it is difficult to keep up any sort of facade for any length of time, especially when the conversationalist nature of responding to blog posts encourages you to write without careful consideration, aspects of your personality are clear for others to see, and therefore they DO actually get to know you and they DO have a relationship with you.
        4. It is natural to wonder who these people that write here are and wonder what they look like. I bet everyone has formed an idea of what everyone else is like and whether they like them or not.
        5. It isn’t a case of we all meet face to face or else we haven’t got a relationship, we do. But it doesn’t have to go anywhere. Think of it as being like 2 friends who get on and vaguely find each other attractive but you both know that it won’t turn to romance and to try to make it would ruin the friendship 🙂

      • T Lover says:

        I think we need an explanation from James B, or as a stopgap, any one of Lydia’s five hundred psychiatrist siblings.

        We are all different personalities. True?

        I (me) cannot understand why thousands turn out for Royal weddings, anniversaries and funerals. For someone they have never met and never will meet who has no idea many of us even exist or how. Or, for example, why some men and women add comments on this blog of a personal nature about the blogger when she is an ethereal figure they are never going to even bump into by accident.

        When I read Jill’s comment I asked myself why I commented. Am I filling a sad gap in my life? Am I a sad person?

        That’s all. Why can’t I have personal relationships rather than something virtual? Which of my friends would do it?

        And I don’t like the recent posts which annoy me a bit. So, from this point of view I am not sure I agree with you.

      • Fi says:

        Maybe it’s like teenage girls thinking that they are the perfect girlfriend for Donny Osmond/David Cassidy/Harry Styles.
        Inn relation to the virtual relationship bit – it’s so much easier than doing it in real life isn’t it? We are more open because it’s anonymous but we don’t have the day to day realities of bad moods and unpleasant habits. In fact even if one of us has irritating qualities you can just switch the laptop off unlike real life. That’s why it works better than real life. It’s not just this site though – isn’t that how dating sites work too? And actually it’s why we believe we know Princess Diana. It’s all bollocks though – we only know one side of folk even if they are particularly candid in that one side.

      • T Lover says:

        Fi, I don’t know what to think any more.

        I don’t do Facebook, Twitter or anything like it.

        I know why I started commenting on this Blog – it was good for me – but don’t know why I have carried on.

        Nor do I know why I say some of the things I say.

        That’s what I am saying. When I read Jill’s comment I thought: What the hell am I doing.

        Must get some work done.

      • Fi says:

        Because you like engaging with people? That’s why we all do it really isn’t it. However maybe you do need to get out more in real life and meet up with more real people and then you won’t mind so much the limitations that this offers. The problem is really that you want it to fill more of a gap than it can do. Maybe.

      • T Lover says:

        Fi, my car has done 215k miles. I have been without it for eight of the last fourteen days because the fuel pump went. Now the clutch is slipping.

        I cannot get home by public transport. The nearest bus stops two miles away.

        I have promised to help a pal split logs tomorrow. Major exercise with tractor and hydraulic splitter. On Sunday I have a builder coming to do some tidying up work so I can get the house ready for sale.

        I promised myself I would petition for divorce last month.

        I have paper all over the desk.

        I have plenty to do, believe me.

        So when I read Jill’s comment I thought what am I doing? I also thought: Why do people make intimate but imaginary relationships with people they have never met. Am I in danger of going round the bend?

        I am repeating myself aren’t I?

        Here is a thought for you to mull over. Two weeks ago I was wandering through Richmond in the pouring down rain.

        Woman after woman clearing a swathe through fellow pedestrians by walking head down whilst talking on a mobile ‘phone whilst carrying a golf sized umbrella every one of which had scimitar sized spikes around the perimeter.

        Driving round the M25 a big woman in a tiny car was hogging the second lane, doing circa 45 miles an hour and causing mayhem.

        All these women had one thing in common. They were completely oblivious to their selfish stupidity.

        Before I get the you don’t like women treatment (I do, I love them) what does a bloke say to a woman who has just caught his face on her umbrella because she was not paying attention to what she was doing. And what do you say to the woman who plainly cannot drive and is causing high speed havoc on the motorway?

  • Muriel says:

    T lover
    I wouldn’t worry about the where’s and why’s.
    My friend used to participate in a guardian forum and it became quite friendly. Guardian shut them down and they set themselves up somewhere else on line. They did meet up in person – they have AGMs in Europe and he has slept on the couch of one or two. It’s possible, it does happen. If the idea had got off the ground I might well have turned up.
    But why do you always pick as examples of bad behaviour things women have done? This may come as a total shock to you but men can be c***s too!

    • T Lover says:


      Why do I always pick on examples of bad female behaviour? Me? Do I do that?

      As I keep saying, Jill’s comment made me wonder about me. Why do I do this? Why do any of us do it?

      This meeting up thing.

      This Waitrose chestnut has been roasting for two years but would you travel 400 miles each way to stand in a supermarket? What a numpty if you were the only one there.

      It was looking at one stage as though you were going to make direct contact with Fi. Scott is coming over.

      I have fantasies about Miss Bates in this fantastic power suit lifting her skirt to warm her backside against the pub fire.

      EmGee in a diaphanous dress – smoking pot.

      Up the Caledonian with Muriel.

      Peggy popping my socks.

      Get the idea?

      Then I wake up.

      Fi standing over me wagging her finger. Rosie using me for target practice.

      And the worst of the lot. Scott’s trainers.

      Have a good weekend.

      • “Trainers” is a British word, in the Americas we call them “sneakers”- And just precisely what is wrong with mine, if you don’t mind me asking?

      • T Lover says:

        The smell, Scott.

      • Well EXCUSE me, I’ve been shoveling snow every day here for the past 3 weeks, and driveway salt has a way of penetrating through the synthetic materials that New Balance manufactures sneakers with- The small is nothing more than the chemicals from driveway salt- At least I own two identical pairs of sneakers, I alternate between them every day although it will look like I’m wearing the same pair every day. I always wear clean socks, I change my socks at least once per day…

    • T Lover says:

      Scott, they smell.

      • Minnow says:

        T Lover! You are hilarious! You make this whole blog thing worth reading. If it weren’t for you, I’d have stopped dropping by here a long time ago!

  • T Lover, I don’t think it’s polite to insult Plankton’s last two posts. She is an excellent writer, and that’s why we’re all here to begin with, yes? Not because we are defective or bad. Because Plankton has provided an eloquent description of her life to which we can relate.

  • Scott, why are you shoveling snow in your sneakers? There are sales on snowboots all over the tri-state area.

    • 2 reasons- Firstly, unlike boots, if you find a pair of sneakers which fit your feet precisely, you can slide them on and off as easily as sandals, no tying and untying needed. Secondly, many stores such as DSW, Foot Locker, etc. have deals where if you buy 2 identical pairs of men’s sneakers, you often get a 40% to 50% discount on the second pair, so I usually purchase 2 pairs of sneakers- They usually last for approximately 2 years, then I replace both of them at the same time.

      I do believe that we’re getting a bit sidetracked here, I believe that we’re supposed to be attempting to be supportive of our mystery hostess of this site, Ms. P., as she works through her midlife thingy ….

      • Yes, yes, many of us here are working out our midlife thingies. I was just vaguely curious considering the recent oversupply of snow. Sturdy, dependable, weatherproof footwear is also a midlife preoccupation.

  • Jill says:

    For some reason, which I cannot fathom, I have not been getting email alerts about new posts on here for the past few days. However, I am buried in a flood-ridden village in east Dorset, house and dog sitting for friends who are away in New Zealand. There is absolutely no mobile phone signal here, so perhaps that is a clue to the absence of internet acuity….

    T Lover, I am distressed that my comment some days ago has caused you so much angst. That was emphatically not my intention, so I apologise. If I may, can I suggest that you are over-thinking all of this? Perhaps it would help to think back to when you began to comment on this site and think where you “were” then, and reflect on where you are now…. If I am feeling a bit down about things, I try to think back to how I was a year or even longer ago, and that puts everything in perspective. The other very important thing to remember is that there is so much potential for misunderstanding in written text – I have learnt that from my internet dating experiences too. ( E.g. irony doesn’t translate at all well in this medium.) I think that it is very helpful to be able to “unload” to a greater or lesser extent by posting on a site like this. By so doing, one indubitably spares ones nearest and dearest from having to endure the periodic plaintiveness of the perpetual plankton.[ 😉 ] But the downside is that one doesn’t have face to face contact with one’s correspondents or the luxury of being able to use emphasis in the form of italics, so the possibility of being misinterpreted is always present.

    • T Lover says:

      Jill, Jill, all this is getting out of kilter. Look, I understood perfectly.

      What you said made me think. That’s all.

      It was just that what you said chimed. And I need a new start.

      And I promise you will end up with someone better than that husband and his relationship will go tits up. Bet.

      • Jill says:

        Oh, good, I’m glad to hear you say that, T.

        As for the ex and my “replacement”, thank you for trying to make me feel better about that situation, but I fear you are wrong. That “good lady” has not hung around for so long without the intention of securing her position,. Frankly, I would not care a jot about that, if the two of them would have the decency to make themselves scarce. What is really distressing to me is the fact that they are starting to be “accepted” by people who have no idea of what actually transpired. In my view, if one behaves in an unacceptable fashion, then one is beyond the pale. If anything is calculated to make someone feel “obliterated”, it is having to watch impotently as one’s former friends weakly accept the new status quo. In such situations, the “sinned against” is always advised to behave with dignity, but I have to say that there is an almost overwhelming temptation to do the very opposite!

      • T Lover says:

        It will work out. My used to be best friend started to knock off a neighbour’s wife. Wife one was a madam and a half and I know his sex life was non existent because he used to moan about it all the time. But girlfriend – he thinks she is wonderful – was the bitch from hell.

        Wife one’s brother thought I was siding with my best friend. I wasn’t, the opposite. Then I fell out with my best friend because of girlfriend. Then when my wife started knocking off her boyfriend I fell out with his estranged wife or rather she stopped communicating with me and I have not heard from her for five years. I had known wife one and her family since I was 25.

        That’s what happens.

        Today, my boy is having a party. I am not invited. His mother her boyfriend and co are. Because I refuse to have anything to do with my wife – I lose. That’s what happens too.

        But the reason I think you will win in the end is that in the majority of cases children do stick by their Mothers, they tend to get more time with grandchildren etc. Fathers less so. Your friends not only have to like him but her too.

        It will work out. And whilst you, like me, are sore about what has happened I could never imagine life with my wife till death us do part. The cow. She has done me a favour, big style. And she is happy so she is not on my back all the time.

        Things work out. Believe me.

      • T Lover says:

        Just had a text from my boy.

        His Grandma – my wife’s Mother – has had a bleed and is not expected to survive the night

        I hate people who say: life’s too short. But it is true that it is.

  • Jill says:

    T, I very much appreciate you wishing to encourage me, but I am happy to say that there is no problem whatsoever with my sons and their loyalty to me. They DO have a relationship with their father which is exactly as I would wish, but they do NOT acknowledge his partner. (He made 2 great mistakes with them, a) telling them far too much about their relationship, and b) promising them that he did not have any contact with her in the ten or so years between his first (second?) affair with her and his eventual departure, which was a blatant lie – N.B. mobile phones are very dodgy allies when conducting an affair as the bills tell all…..

    No, my deep regret is caused by the small number of “friends” who believed what they were told, and have cast me aside. When I remonstrated with one – my ex’s cousin who had been a friend of mine for 40 years – she told me that “blood was thicker than water”…..Two of these former friends were Godfathers to my youngest son, who has told them that he no longer regards them as his Godfathers, not simply because of the way they have treated me, but because they could not even be bothered to get in touch with him when his parents’ marriage disintegrated. I am proud to say that he is a very honourable young man and he is appalled that people who should know better can behave so badly and cruelly.

    • T Lover says:

      Jill, I am sorry if I have been clumsy – you are right I am trying to perk you up.

      Dealing with these situations is tough. You have to have an iron will. Can I upset you again by saying I think you are making mistakes?

      First, do not involve your children in any way. If they want to raise things. they think are wrong, OK, but don’t encourage it.

      Second, do not remonstrate with anyone. Keep your dignity and say nothing. Having a go will just give the cousin an excuse not to get in touch and your (former) husband will be able to say: that’s what I had to put up with.

      All you are doing is putting off the day the marriage is boxed off and you are ready to start again.

      • Jill says:

        Well thank you T, and no you did not upset me, however I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say.

        I certainly do not involve my children in any way…. but they are men not boys, the youngest is 22 and the two older ones are husbands and fathers themselves. However, they are still our children and my main objective over the past countless years has been to protect them from the situation we all eventually found ourselves in. I never discuss their father’s behaviour with them, and have tried to do my utmost to keep my thoughts and distress to myself, even in the most difficult of circumstances.

        And neither do I remonstrate with the former friends…..my last contact with the “blood is thicker than water” relative was before the ex removed himself from the family home, but she was already entertaining my replacement and encouraging her cousin to sling his hook back then, so I thought it was reasonable to ask her why….

        The marriage is well and truly boxed off, I assure you, and I am raring to start again /:-) All I need is an accomplice! 😆

  • py says:

    Another wind tossed night’s sleep as the errant jet stream bowls an intense low pressure system into an already sodden ‘Blighty’. Scott up to his knackers in snow , others in mire and California in drought. It’s weird weather at the moment but it doesn’t stop those here contributing or debating their lot.

    Fi made some very valid observations and, yes, we probably have formed a mental picture of those here. One of her comments did strike a chord and poses this question : When did you last write a letter ?

    By that I do not mean general correspondence in business, to your divorce lawyer or to the Environment Agency. A proper letter, to a friend which has required thought , preparation , creative input and accuracy . You see , the art of letter writing is dying . We’re getting lax in our ways. Whilst the internet and the blog allows those with something to say a medium to express their view, in some ways it is stifling creativity. Would Austen have blogged and where would her email archive be accessed ?

    Perhaps a number here are just frustrated wordsmiths . I used to write long letters to pals, now a brief but anodyne email fosters frequent, speedy but shallow communication. The world has been shrunk by Skype permitting free, live, video access to those around the globe. But, I’m beginning to think that mankind is losing something as a result of that progress . ” He was a man of letters ” has become synonymous with an intellectual but its origins are obvious. What does the future hold for the belletrist , the next Mark Twain or Samuel Johnson ?

    As for TLover’ s bout of introspection, I’m pretty sure we all ask the same question of ourselves . Why bother to write here ? My answer has always been , why not ? It may be seen as self-help or a commonality of experience which needs sharing; it could be a sad void and loneliness which needs filling ; a willingness to share or an opportunity to write. Who knows and do any of us really care what the motivation might be. I would like to believe, however , that most of us would get on if we were to briefly meet and curiosity has always been the human race’s strength (and weakness).

    • Miss Diagnoses and Miss Bates are knee deep in the same snow I’m in here…

      @ T- I hope that your family is all okay…

      • T Lover says:

        Cheers Scott.

        I stood at my Mother in Law’s doorstep five years ago and confronted her about what my wife was up to.

        Ho ho, none of your business ho ho. I could have slapped her after all the things I had done for her over the years.

        Two and a bit years ago I met her fleetingly at my boy’s wedding. Hello T Lover – she wanted to talk but this time I pretty much snubbed her.

        Now she is in a bad way (treatment withdrawn) I feel guilty but what can I do? My boy has been great. He knows she is goosed – I am not sure if she is even partly conscious – and spent the night in the hospital on Saturday.

        I have deliberately waited for this (for my wife’s finances to dramatically improve) and am now thinking what an sh one tty thing it is I have done.

        Thanks for asking.

  • d08 says:

    lol @ “stink of rotting fish” … Welcome back!

  • Jane says:


    Is there a way of sending you a message, please? I would like to ask you to start a thread about how to cope with a particular aspect of being 50ish and single. Thank you.

    • NOOOOOO- Don’t do it, then you’ll know who Ms. Plankton is- I’ve stopped trying to figure out who she is, now for me much of the fun of this site is NOT knowing who our mystery hostess actually is- It’s one of those things in life that you want to wonder about a lot, but in reality, you really hope to never learn the answer to ….

      • malcolm says:

        She’s Julia Gillard, ex prime minister of Australia. That’s why she’s been broody lately.

      • Jane says:

        I don’t think that I will know, nor would I want to. She might turn out to actually be a burly tattooed bloke sitting there in a vest with a fag in his mouth and I’d rather cling to the image I already have!

        I’m hoping that there is a way of messaging her as The Plankton via the page or to an e-mail address called something like theplankton@gmail.com.

        I just wanted to ask her to start a thread about how you feel when you hear from the last person you had feelings for before that side of life just vanished over the horizon for good cheerfully tells you in an e-mail that he is getting married this year. That happened to me this week and I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. It’s true that I hadn’t seen him for a while and knew that he had what he described to me a while ago as “a beautiful girlfriend”, but it still shook me up when he told me that he was getting married. When we had our brief moment, he told me that he wasn’t looking for a permanent thing – I guess that changed.

        I didn’t want to hijack Plankton’s exisitng thread with this, though, just ask her to start a new one on the subject.

      • Jill says:

        I have every sympathy with you and what you are going through, Jane. It is something which I will also have to face and deal with, probably in the not too distant future, I have to say that enough time has elapsed since the end of my marriage that I think/hope I will be able to deal with the situation with equanimity. I am more worried about my sons’ reactions to the event than mine.

        Bel Mooney writes an advice column for the Daily Mail now. I used to read her articles when she wrote a similar column for The Times and now keep an eye out for her in the Mail Online. She wrote a helpful article about the ex re-marrying which you will find at http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2171764/BEL-MOONEY-Weep-day-ex-remarries-No-say-I-fabulous-new-life.html (or if that link doesn’t work, you can find it under Columnists – Bel Mooney, on the Mail website.)

        I hope you find the article helpful, and I wish you good luck, and – more importantly – peace of mind.

      • T Lover says:

        I don’t know if it helps to tell you but going back towards the responses to the early-ish posts there was an eMail address. And this may be completely off the wall but I think it might have appeared again when we had guest contributors.

      • malcolm says:

        Happy Valentine’s day Plankti.
        I’m glad Jill brought up the word “equanimity”. It’s one of my favourite words, and it seems to be in such short supply lately. I’d never consider dating a woman who didn’t have a sense of equanimity.

    • zoe says:


      P has written a raw and poignant post about this – just over a year ago.

      You’ll find it here: https://planktonlife.wordpress.com/2012/12/31/hibernation-and-prozac/

      • Jane says:

        Thank you, Zoe – I’d forgotten about that post.

      • Jane says:

        Jill, Thank you so much for the link to the Bel Mooney article, which I did find helpful.

        Peace of mind is still eluding me, I’m afraid, as is sleep.

        I’ve never actually been married or had a family and am finding it particularly painful knowing that the man to whom I have referred was not only someone with whom I had what I thought was an affinity, but, more particularly, someone who was separated and single at the time when I first met him and, therefore, a prospect.

        Unfortunately, he made it clear to me that I was not a long term prospect as a partner as I was overweight – I have since lost 6 stone – and I found myself switching to the role of legal advisor and shoulder on which to cry. He was under a lot of stress and often turned to me for emotional support, which I gave even though I realised that he was casting his net wider, often with women not much older than his daughters.

        Once everything was done and dusted, he no longer needed that support and went out searching for someone new with a renewed confidence and vigour. I suspect that this a familiar story, though – a man in his forties meets a woman of his own age who is supportive and encouraging, has a fling with her and then, once he is back on his feet, finds someone younger to marry, which is what has happened.

        Thank you again for your kind words.

  • MissBates says:

    @TLover: I do enjoy visiting the pub when I spend time with friends in the U.K., but confess I usually leave the “fantastic power suits” at home in NY. Just FYI.

    • T Lover says:


      It’s the image that is key to any fantasy. There was no need to let me down – I only have flights of fancy nowadays to keep me happy.

      • MissBates says:

        Ditto. *pulls on power suit*

      • T Lover says:

        That’s very nice of you Miss Bates.

        Tonight, in my dreams, a fancy American Attorney will melt her tights against a Besom coal fire.

        BTW, what’s to be done to reinvigorate this blog and is there an antidote to the urge to comment?

  • Peggy says:

    @TLover…… Everyone make 3 statements about themselves, 2 true, one fiction and we all guess which is the fiction?

  • Peggy says:

    Yay, just realised its valentines tomorrow. Hu **cking ray

  • 1234 says:

    I ran across your blog, and don’t intend the following to be insulting or hurtful, but I think it’s the truth.

    Imagine you were a man who was really short – say, 5’2. How do you think women would react to him?

    Probably he’d get rejected, over and over. He might be the nicest, funniest, smartest, most handsome guy ever, with the best breath and nothing wrong with him – but he’s really, really short. Women don’t want men who are 5’2. They’d ignore all the other good things about him just because of that.

    Is it fair? No. Is it shallow? Yes. But if you were advising the guy, you’d say: “Hey, life sucks sometimes, but you’re really freaking short. You need to accept that you’re probably not going to get the women you want, and are going to have to settle.”

    Well, hate to tell you this, but men and women are equally shallow. Women are shallow about height, men are shallow about age. If you’re in your 40’s or older, men are going to view you in the same way that you as a woman view a guy who’s 5’2. You can be all these other wonderful things, but you’re in your 40’s – you’re 5’2 to them.

    Are they being shallow? Absolutely. But that’s just how people are. You’ve only got one real option yourself. If a 5’2 guy told me that women should just accept him for who he was, I’d tell him that maybe he needs to not be shallow himself. Date a women who’s older, or overweight, or who men don’t want for other shallow reasons. If personality is really what you think counts, put your money where your mouth is.

    If you’re a woman who’s in her 40’s and who men are treating in the same way women would treat a short guy, I’d suggest the same thing. if you expect men not to be shallow, hold yourself to the same standard. There’s probably tons of guys who are rejected for very shallow reasons with nothing to do with who they are – too fat, too old, too short, too ugly. Start saying yes to those guys, and pick one with a good personality. If you don’t want to do that, you might have to accept being single.

    • Elle says:

      In Ireland where I come from there are lots of short men. No, they are not leprechauns but there are quite a few men of 5’2″. They have no problem finding women shorter than them to date but they don’t seem to have problems dating taller women if that’s what they want.

      Bitterness doesn’t work for short men, but Irish charm gets them any woman they want.

      Have a nice Valentine’s Day 😀

      • Jane says:

        I agree about Irish charm, Elle; I don’t know many Irish men, but the ones I have met have a real way about them.

        As far as height is concerned, I can think of a few well-known men who are not particularly tall, but come across as attractive. Dec of Ant and Dec is not awfully tall, yet his face is attractive and he seems very bright and cheerful.

        I don’t mind at all if a man isn’t taller than me. At the end of the day, I value kindness and decency more than height. If he is intelligent and has an attractive face and sparkling eyes as well, that’s me sorted, basically!

        Well, it would be, if I could locate him!

        Wishing a nice Valentines Day to all Plankton.

    • Muriel says:

      I agree with a lot of what you say. I come from a family with a lot of short men and my nephew is the same height as me -5″2. It makes me cringe when I hear women going on (and on) about wanting a tall bloke.

    • Peggy says:

      Sorry, I’ve avoided responding to this for some time as I couldn’t think of anything more articulate than bollocks. I’ve tried and tried but honestly. The fact remains that it’s not height, size, wrinkles, gravity conceding body parts et al that has much to do with anything. 1234 from what you write I’m guessing this is slightly autobiographical. The factors which attract are generally CONFIDENCE combined with ‘that’ spark/ banter/ common ground.
      And I speak from experience. Get over your short-fallings, everyone has them but some of us aren’t hung up by them. Most people are here as their confidence has been shredded by some ex or another, or they’re tired. Tired of the realities of the couply couply world that is middle age and this fora provides the reassurance that it’s not just ‘me’.

      • 1234 says:

        I’m exactly average at 5’10, so I don’t care personally. I just think it’s a pretty dead-on analogy. My point is, if you’re right and height and age don’t matter, why don’t you go on Match.com, set the search for a maximum height of 5’5, and start sending messages exclusively to short guys? All the other women are ignoring them for shallow reasons, so you’d have a huge pool of guys to pick from who are probably really great on the inside, but they’re short and ugly.

        I suspect you won’t, because while it shouldn’t matter, it does to most people. That’s doesn’t make you a bad person, it’s just how we are. But again, if you’re a 5’2 guy or a 50+ woman, your realistic choices are either to be alone or to do what you’re asking the opposite sex to: pick a partner by ignoring all the superficial stuff. If you can’t do it, then how can you expect a man to? In his eyes, you’re exactly like the little 5’2 ugly guy, and he doesn’t want to settle, either.

      • Fi says:

        1234. I think you’re right. Provocatively gleeful, but correct.

      • Fi says:

        Or should I say ‘Gleefully provocative’?

      • peggy says:

        Hmm, still disagree. As for Match.com – from my brief sojourn into internet dating and not using any filter apart from age and location I found most prospects to be ‘not for me’. Maybe I’m the freak, and an old fashioned one at that, but I prefer to meet my firends in the flesh and then you are able to immediately overlook vital statistics in favour of personality and that certain je nai se quoi.

  • PY says:

    Happy Valentine’s Day , to all those in Planktonia !

    May your in-boxes may be chocka with expressions of lurve and may you need to shoulder barge the door open for the excess mail (or male) blocking it !

  • rosie says:

    1234, if you’d read more of the blog you’d know that the author has been open to a relationship with just about the whole spectrum of men. I’ve no idea if any of them were 5ft 2 but, as Elle says, shortness is no barrier to a man finding a partner if he has other stuff going on.

    • Joules says:

      1234 – I agree with Rosie and Elle. I am between 5 11 and 6 foot and have dated men who were 5’2″. We had a few jokes about needing a step ladder to say good night but that did not stop us.

      • Mal-Vivant says:

        Whether or not having “stuff going on” does help people (short, tall, man woman, ugly, attractive) find partners, it does stop people from obsessing about their lack of having one.
        I do think that short men are a bit disadvantaged in the dating arena, but it’s not an insurmountable impediment.

    • Lovejoy says:

      I’ve read a great many of her posts, I don’t recall reading the reason for her divorce, but don’t think it’s true she has tried the whole spectrum of men. Many women say they have, but according to many of the online dating sites statistics, women on average considered 80% of the men on these dating sites as too “Unattractive”, to date, the men on the other hand only find 20% “Unattractive”.

      The other thing that bothers me on this site is constant drone about men running off and hooking up with younger women…The truth is it’s the other way around, middle aged women now file 70% of divorces and their main complaint is not infidelity by their husbands, but unhappiness of their own lives. They think they can do better, go through a string of prospects that end up as short term sexual affairs that go nowhere, then whine how unfair it is that the Husband they ditched has found a younger wife???? It’s called Karma….

  • shai says:

    Wow love reading your updates..and BADASS !!! i now have a term to descibe my latest ex-number…the reponse for wanting a ‘relationshipy thing’ not just FWB was …’what type of a RELATIONSHP a 50 yr old women can get’ ?. Hello..we’r same age and Im still not 50 (ok 49.8) !!! but no point saying that right. ok NEXT. But reading 1234’s post made me squirm…yes just rejected a great 5’3 guy…can see the analogy..it hurts…but no badass for me anymore…plantonhood is better…

  • Well we’re now nearly one sixth of the way through 2014- @ Ms. Plankton- doing the calculations here, if you want to succeed with sticking to ALL of your resolutions for 2014, you should by now have accomplished at least two of the following: prickliness, chippiness, difficult, charmless, defensive, shy, rude and right….

    Are we still on schedule? You’ll have a lot of catching up to do during the summer and the autumn months if you’ve not yet accomplished at least two (2) of your aforementioned goals by now…

  • @ Ms. P- Can we get a Feb. post?

  • T Lover says:

    She is back in London. My Boy is in New Zealand. The dog is in the club. My estranged Mother in Law has died.

    All four factors have conspired to stick a pin a T Lover doll. Right up the jaxi.

    First: I am going to be tied to the house ‘till the pups have been weaned. Eight weeks in my opinion.

    Second: that means I cannot get on with my place in Scotland. It has juddered to a halt.

    Third: the wife may soon have the financial clout to jangle me about and so I am working my chuffer off to straighten up the matrimonial home and garden

    Looking into my crystal ball I see a year of big changes, some not happy. I have lived in my house up a hill for twenty six years. The spring sun was out this morning. It was lovely – looking towards Kinder Scout. Magic.

    Going to be a wrench to leave my security blanket and a frightener making a new life never mind far away from my lad. Most parents move closer. I am moving away.

  • Jackie says:

    Where are you? I’ve sold a flat and bought a house since your last post? Please come back? J XXX

    • Jill says:

      Yes, Ms P – we really DO care….There is no pressure to continue your blog, but please do let us know if you are all right (relatively speaking.) It would be wonderful to know that your circumstances have changed for the better, but any news is better than none. Best wishes to you.

  • James B says:

    I guess P needs to define herself as “Post-Plankton”. The problem is that her anonymity stops her from posting openly elsewhere in a way that we can follow her loyally. What a pity …

  • zoe says:

    While P’s away – and I hope P doesn’t mind my mentioning this – for those who have been a bit starved of stimulation on these matters, things have been hotting up over at the bitterbabe in the comments section under the post “surplus”. With some grand observations by some erstwhile plankton commentators. http://thebitterbabe.com/2014/03/23/the-surplus/

  • I'm Single, Not Desperate says:

    Will have a read of that later. Thanks, Zoe 🙂

  • ravy sok says:

    Niat Bangkit, Barca Akan Sapu Bersih La Liga

    Berita terbaru dan terkini dari agen bola City Holiday – Barca kalah saat melakoni pertandingan di Mestalla, Kamis dinihari tadi. Gol dari Angel Di Maria dan Gareth Bale menjadi penyebabnya.
    agen bola City Holiday Terpercaya –isa membalas lewat gol Marc Bartra, Barca pun kalah dengan skor tipis 1-2.
    Harapan Barca untuk menggengam trofi musim ini tinggalah di ajang La Liga. Tapi, Los Cules juga berada di posisi kurang menguntungkan.
    Barcelona bertekad langsung bangkit karena Masih punya pertandingan yang dimainkan di La Liga, mereka ingin selalu menang di laga-laga sisa itu.
    Dengan Liga Spanyol yang tinggal menyisakan lima laga, Barca pun wajib menang di semua laga sisa, termasuk saat berhadapan dengan Los Colchoneros di pertandingan penutup musim.
    Barca saat ini ada di posisi tiga klasemen dengan raihan 78 poin. Lionel Messi dkk. berjarak empat poin dari Atletico Madrid yang ada di puncak klasemen.
    Sumber http://cityholidaybet.com/

  • ravy sok says:

    Copa del Rey Bukan Trofi Pertama Gareth Bale

    Berita terbaru dan terkini dari agen bola City Holiday – Sebagian orang berfikir trofi Copa del Rey adalah trofi pertama untuk Gareth Bale.
    agen bola City Holiday Terpercaya – Akan tetapi jauh sebelum tenar seperti sekanrang, dia ternyata pernah meraih trofi.
    Southampton klub di mana bale mengawali kariernya sebagai pesepak bola profesional ditahun 2006.
    “Selamat untuk lulusan akademi @SouthamptonFC @GarethBale11 yang membawa @realmadrid mengangkat trofi Copa del Rey malam ini #saintsfc,” demikian tweet akun resmi Southampton.
    “Ini bukanlah trofi pertama @garethbale di level klub – ini dia saat memenangi Liga Primer Akademi dengan #SaintsFC di 2006,” lanjut tweet dari klub berjuluk The Saints itu.
    Memang trofi itu bukan dalam skala besar atau bahkan tidak bisa juga dibilang trofi minor mengingat Bale meraihnya saat belum berstatus pemain profesional. Saat itu Bale membawa tim U-18 Southampton menjadi juara.
    Sumber http://cityholidaybet.com/

  • ravy sok says:

    Ramos : Hari Yang Ajaib Untuk Madrid

    Berita terbaru dan terkini dari agen bola City Holiday – Madrid sukses memetik kemenangan 2-1 di Final Copa del Rey melawan Barca. Dan sang penjaga lini belakang sergio ramos berkata ini merupakan hari ajaib buat madrid.
    agen bola City Holiday Terpercaya – Gol dari Angel Di Maria dan juga Gareth Bale menjadi penentu kemenangan tim besutan Carlo Ancelotti itu.
    “Ini merupakan hari yang ajaib. Ini merupakan sebuah kerja keras dan ini merupakan buah dari pengorbanan”.
    “Kami sudah berjuang sepanjang tahun, ini merupakan gelar yang penting,” ucap Ramos di As.
    “Ada banyak tensi dan dua tim yang luar biasa”.
    “Kami menikmati malam yang ajaib. Dan sekarang kami harus terus melangkah, masih ada banyak yang tersisa musim ini.” tutup ramos.
    Ramos menilai bahwa kemenangan ini merupakan ganjaran dari usaha keras yang sudah dilakukan oleh Madrid di sepanjang musim ini.
    Sumber http://cityholidaybet.com/

  • autumn says:

    I have set upa blog focusing on dating advice for middle-aged single women. It contains specific information that is not readily available elsewhere or well known to most single women:


    The Plankton readers are welcome to participate.

  • T Lover says:

    Oh dear, Fi has taken up mining. Going to send her a lamp and a canary.

    In the Times last week the first Encounters ad was placed by a 40 something Derbyshire resident with a centrefold figure. Looking for a 60 plus year old to pamper her. On the game or what?

    There was ‘phone number. Scott. Down boy. See you in July.

  • T Lover says:

    Cracking morning. In the garden first thing. Naked. Bar a pair of slippers and a mug.

    These lovely summer mornings a boy’s thoughts turn to ….

    Wouldn’t it be nice to flatten some grass?

    Never mind.

    • Fi says:

      Hope that’s not the front garden and you don’t live in town

      • T Lover says:

        The neighbours behind are circa 800 yards away – the house is elevated and they have binoculars.

        400 yds away to the front right (and again above my place) is a neighbour who used to watch the missus bring her boyfriend to the house while I was at work.

        So, who cares if I wander around in the buff? If they want to peep good luck.

        Was re-reading Puckoon. Makes me giggle. The description of the groom being dragged to the altar by the bride’s seven foot red haired father. The hiring of a ventriloquist from Cork to say “I do”.

  • Claudia says:

    Come back, Ms Plankton- i for one have missed you and the Planktonistas…

  • T Lover says:

    Lovely weather. Prevented from wandering in the buff by unusually high midge population and embarrassment.

    Saturday. Was getting dressed for a party to find jacket was unexpectedly tight.

    Cause? Luxurious love handles which seem to have appeared by stealth.

    Pride and risk of being seriously bitten now prevents naked in the garden.

    So, this party. Most blokes were in black tie. I loathe the code although women seem to love it. I wore my unbuttonupable suit.

    Anyway, the GF’s niece was there. Striking looks. Dressed to show off her perfect legs and figure.

    Brains (Oxford) and a fancy job in the city. But no sex appeal whatsoever.

    She is such a madam. So far up herself. Plum in her mouth and another stuck up her backside. She has no conversation. Getting a smile is like trying to strike a match on a sausage. She talks to me as though I am a nasty smell.

    She has been (unsuccessfully) internet dating. Has it gone anywhere? No. I wonder why.

    • Fi says:

      Why no sex appeal do you think?

      • T Lover says:

        Been trying to think what the answer to that question might be but I don’t know.

        The next fella might think she is sex on legs but I don’t.

        What I do know is that I am not the only one who thinks along the same lines – so there must be something about her blokes pick up. Perhaps it is simply the fact she is not a nice person.

      • Fi says:

        Hmmm. I suppose what makes someone attractive or otherwise is more than the configuration of their features. I read somewhere recently that people can become more attractive to you when you begin to know and like them – apparently people were rated before knowing someone then after a while rated again- so while that is reassuring for some people she might fall into the opposite category and she becomes less attractive because people don’t like her?

      • T Lover says:


        As you get older the physical becomes less attractive than the person within.

        But in the example in point the physically very attractive is blotted out by the unpleasant personality.

        In my case – I should add for editorial balance – I am neither an oil painting nor Mr Personality, so, it is perhaps unfair to have a go at anyone else.

        Going to Coldstream tomorrow for a flying visit – an audience with the electrician. Worrying now about the delay in getting the house done and the consequences of a “yes” vote.

  • Fi says:

    “In my case – I should add for editorial balance – I am neither an oil painting nor Mr Personality, so, it is perhaps unfair to have a go at anyone else.” – I wasn’t aware there was a rule saying someone couldn’t comment on somebody else’s manners unless they were independently evaluated as being more attractive?

    Hopefully there won’t be a yes vote. It all depends on how many people believe that Scotland will turn into the Garden of Eden/ Mount Olympus/ Land of Milk and Honey. Which of course it will <>

    • T Lover says:

      Well there is an adage along the lines: people who live in glass houses should not throw stones although I don’t think it is quite on the money in this case.

      Managed to fall out of bed at 4.30 in the morning – never knew there was such a time – and catch the 6 o’clock to York before on to Berwick.

      Am increasingly frightened about the move to Scotland. The travel, to see builders and the like has become a burden.

      At home this week. The Tour de France is swinging through Glossop at the weekend. Would like to see it go by. The problem is the population of the Northern Hemisphere will also be there so where will I go, how will I get there?

      On the hallucinatory subject of Fi and T Lover, in Puckoon there are passages about Frederick Eels, a circus midget who died in a fall on his honeymoon night. And his paranoia about sex with a woman so much taller.

      The Doctor advised the sex would be fine but he would have no-one to talk to whilst making love.

      • Fi says:

        I wouldn’t worry really – it will be a no vote. Even if it is a yes vote (which it won’t) we still have electricity here and food and hospitals and stuff, and there haven’t been any border raids for a few centuries. 🙂

  • maria says:

    I thought this blog was dead and buried and here you are still posting comments. I do miss it, though.
    Hi, Fi! How are you doing? Here in Portugal, same old, same old.

    • Fi says:

      Hello! I’m great thanks – the biggest change for me is that I’ve just heard I can get redundancy, which means a smallish pension to cover my bills, so I can go off and try new things. No idea what yet, and I have to admit it seems insane to give up a well paid if boring job for….who knows what…but I’m quite excited about it. At least my bills will be covered even if my hairdresser isn’t. And I’ve begun to learn to play the ukelele with some friends (can do Leaving on a Jet Plane and Love Me do ) so that’s quite good fun. I went for a this yoga massage last week – oh my god! – i’m still sore! couldn’t walk properly for days. What have you been up to?

      • maria says:

        Fi, do you mean you’re going to retire? WTF!! How old are you? I’m (almost) 52 and I can expect to work for another 8 to 10 years, at least. And I f*cking hate my job. I’m a teacher, I teach English (believe it or not) to small kids (10 to 12 year olds). Kids can be extremelly difficult, but the parents are even worse and don’t get me started on my colleagues.
        I moved 8 months ago and I fucking hate my new house. I live in a flat. I loved my old house, I was born there and I lived there for 51 years!! I loved the neighbours, I had a small backyard with lots of cats… Unfortunately I had to leave, because the house was very old and I needed a lot of money (which I don’t have) to repair it.
        Re twinkles, my boss’s husband still gives me the eye, but I couldn’t go there. Besides looking like Santa Claus and being much older, the guy is married. My boss has been pretty nasty to me lately. I don’t know why, I barely talk to her husband to avoid trouble, but she still hates me.
        On another note, my new landlord who seemed to be a real nice, decent man, to whom I talked to quite naturally about life, his kids, work, etc, made a pass at me, making me feel deeply disappointed and f*cking disgusted. I don’t think I’ve led him on, I just talked normally to him, no hidden intentions. I don’t know what gave him the idea I was up to a roll in the hay. Just the thought of it, makes me want to vomit, not only is he ugly as sin, he’s very short, kind of a midget and married!!
        What’s wrong with these men? Now, I can’t even look him in the eyes and I’m looking for a new place to live.
        My, this was a very long comment. I hope I don’t bore you to death.

      • Mrs T Lover says:

        “Just the thought of it, makes me want to vomit, not only is he ugly as sin, he’s very short, kind of a midget …”

        Well, Mr T Lover won’t be buying a one way ticket to Portugal then. Was hoping I could get the old pervie off my hands for a while.

        Platform soles?

      • maria says:

        T, 🙂

      • maria says:

        T, come to Portugal. Not kidding, the weather is lovely, the food is delicious, we have great wines (the most famous being Port wine), the people are very friendly, there are great beaches, lovely countryside, ancient mouments to visit and I could go on… Last but not least, hotels, restaurants, shops are very cheap.
        If you ever decide to visit Portugal,come to the north, to Braga, the city I live in. It goes back to Roman times when it was called Bracara Augusta.

      • T Lover says:

        Oh Maria,

        When I was married the second time, I applied for a special licence and was married in a hurry. We did not have a honeymoon.

        For the anniversary, my new Mother in law persuaded us that the Portuguese Atlantic coast was the place to go – quiet, beautiful and the place of choice for the crowned heads of Europe in exile during WW2.

        Get a flight to Lisbon she said, a taxi across to the station and a train to Estoril or Cascais. And so we did the year after we married.

        All went well until we arrived in Portugal. The taxi driver overcharged – apparently the double charge was for the luggage.

        It was an election week. There were beggars on the train. The station was filthy. The election noise from the competing speakers was deafening.

        Now if you imagine I live in a very quiet place up a hill, Portugal so far was not for me.

        I was now in a mood. I asked a taxi driver to take us to the nearest hotel. It was right on the main coast road. Used by cabin crew. We went to the room and changed. Me into my five a side trainers (borrowed from Scott, ho ho) and the shorts I had worn whilst decorating.

        At the pool were the tanned, beautifully turned out airline personnel – a fair proportion of them gay. Then there was me. White as milk.

        That night I got drunk and fell out with a waiter, big style.

        We moved on to Cascais. The wind blew and blew off the Atlantic. It was chilly. I was bored as hell. I found a café up a back street where I could have (on my own) an Espresso, a brandy and read yesterday’s Telegraph.

        The only real excitement was when we were caught in flagrante by the girl who had come to change the bed. I remember too that there was a big mirror at the side of the bed which seemed to please the wife. How things changed.

        The last two days of the week were lost forever because I sulked. She had forgotten to order some sand for the builder working at the house.

        I accept everything you say about Portugal. I just did it badly. A pal buys in some smashing Portugese wine including, a while ago, some sparkling Rosé which he bought for peanuts as bankrupt stock.

        Today, I don’t have a passport and am worried sick about my divorce, the financial consequences and my business. Desperate to find time to sort the new place in Scotland. So going anywhere will have to wait for a while.

        And as for you, I too hate my job, I hate my boss (I am my boss) and no-one has made a pass at me for a while. So things can’t be all that bad.

      • Fi says:

        oh dear to both of you. T – I have sensed before that you are a bit of a sulker. It’s not good.
        Maria – yes I’ve retired from my job and I’m 52 too, but if I want to have any kind of fun (including getting a haircut) I’ll need to get another job which is what I’m planning to do. This time though I’m going to do something I want to do because I am in the extremely lucky position of having enough coming in to ensure my basic bills are met. Basically I am extremely fortunate that the people I work for are looking to make folk redundant, and because I am over 50 I get to take the pay off as a pension. Yay freedom! Choice! The price I’ve paid though for the last 20+ years in my job is watching my soul shrivel bit by bit. I confirmed today and already feel lighter 🙂

      • maria says:

        T,I’m sorry you had such a shitty time in Portugal during your honeymoon.
        Whenever you can, you should give it another try, but this time come to the north. And we do have some really fantastic wines.
        Hope everything goes well with your divorce and things.

      • T Lover says:

        No, I had a good Portuguese holiday. Have had many a giggle about the things that went wrong.

        In the kitchen I have a black and white photograph of the wife in (small) shorts and skimpy tee-shirt, her hair blown by the Atlantic breeze. I married for lust and repented at great leisure.

        And as for you Miss Fiona and my sulking habit I think I am Saint T Lover compared to some. The first GF I had after the split from the last missus drove from Scotland on the Friday evening, fell out with me about my choice of film and drove straight back.

        The same silly cow regularly unplugged her ‘phone so it would ring out whilst she sat in silence, her bottom lip stretching across the carpet.

      • Fi says:

        Good God. Do adults actually do that sort of thing???

    • maria says:

      Fi, I wish I could retire, but that’s not an option now. First of all, I wouldn’t get a pension, over here you’re not allowed to retire unless you’re in your 60’s or have terrible health. Fortunately I have no major health issues.
      I have a bit of money aside but I can’t spend it. I don’t know how long I’m going to live and, since I don’t have children, I need the money to get to a good nursing home, when I’m really old and can’t take care of myself.

      • Fi says:

        i do have children but they’ve already told me that if I live long enough to get to that stage they’ll be putting me in a care home anyway. wish i could say they were joking but I don’t think so.

  • lyndajanepurcell says:

    Hello everyone – am very very late to this thread but I love this blog muchly. I don’t know who it was (Jane?) who made the comment about an ex and his entitlement to go out and get a younger woman. My three great girlfriends have done online dating and they’ve all independently come to a similar conclusion:

    1. A half decent man will be snapped up almost instantly.

    2. Some men (seemingly intelligent) are brain-bleedingly stupid when it comes to social interaction. Such as posing next to their car, making snide remarks about their ex in the dating profile, or photographed with their arms round two women. Oh yeah – that’ll get the babes . . .

    3. Unattractive men (faces the colour of boiled bacon, Deliverance teeth, pony tails, mono-brows etc) see no problem with making tabloid like demands on the kind of woman they want ie Barbie with a fake tan.

    Ok so I go to a dinner where they’ve found me a ‘lovely man’. Have I asked for one? No – but I’m fed this information on the way there and it seems rude . . . (the number of times I’ve gone along with something because it would have seemed rude not to). I arrive and the man chosen for me looks about 70 and has the posture of a question mark – his belly enters the room half an hour before the rest of him. He also has a high pitched nasal voice and starts to quiz me immediately on whether I’ve read the works of ‘third wave feminism’. (Oh dear – waving the feminist credentials – a bit like the men who profess how ‘nice’ they are. If you have to profess it . . . . ). So he quizzes me, and it’s ok but I can’t take my eyes of his teeth – sort of brown and moving in different directions. As the evening wears on he undoes the buttons of his shirt in manner of Engelbert Humperdink. Why do some men assume the rule about not exposing yards of flabby flesh only applies to women?

    And then he mentions a friend of mine who works in the same field as him and says something about her being ‘a bit porky’. I am really angry and tell him not to be so rude about my friend. But he still asks for my number at the end of the evening.

    I say no instead of making an excuse.

    I’m sorry this is so long. But when certain people or newspapers or stupid ‘self-help’ books order us to ‘settle’ remember, standards are there for a reason. And if that guy had been a fantastic conversationalist, I’d have gone out with him like a shot. But he just didn’t like women very much. There are lot out there like him. And it always ‘leaks’ out if you’re tuned into the red flags.

  • Peggy says:

    So I find myself flicking the iPad again, on a Saturday night.

  • catchpole says:

    i suddenty thought just being online,goodness we have heard nothiong from Plankton lately,she must have stopped the blog. Ill google it, and its still here but see shes not commented lately.

    I havent been on it not because ive found my dream manlol just havent, i did go on a living alone site recommended by Bel Mooney in Mail but it was quite frankly very depressing and i didnt stay on it long. Whereas on here people were funny, seem to have friends and did this and that, this site seemed full of depressing,unhappy people ,many of whom didnt seem to have a friend in world and very little good word to say about any of their neighbours, people they new, workmates anything, I once mentioned id been out with friends and got told off by someone saying if i had friends i shouldnt be on the site. So unless you want to be seriously depressed dont attempt it,it was making me feel worse, Plankton was much better, but can see it all got a bit too intense for her.

    • Fi says:

      Oooh no. You don’t want to go somewhere full of miserable people moaning. You want to have a laugh don’t you? Life is short so might as well have fun 🙂
      Try Bitterbabe or Mining the manosphere.

  • PY says:

    Greetings all !

    Having been alerted to there still being life in the Plankton pond, I thought I would share this cheerful ditty with you :


    Worth a listen, it amused me anyhow.

    We then have Lucy Cavendish’s latest take on dating men over 50 – “Scruffy. Unfit. Arrogant.” but then, Lucy, we just haven’t met yet and do please ditch those shoes – which come hot on the heels of a survey declaring that men start becoming invisible to women at 40.

    So, where does that leave us – in the same pond without a paddle ?

    • Fi says:

      Well it really said (most) men over 40 become unattractive (fat jowly etc)and as a consequence are invisible to women. It’s not all men, and it’s not because of their age. It’s to do with how attractive they are. Same with women. And it is controllable if you don’t want to end up there and we all know what to do. It’s just that a lot of people prefer to complain that other people don’t find them attractive because they are older, or other people are superficial, rather than make the effort to stay slim, dress well and look after themselves. In my view

      • june says:

        Think we all agree on that one Fi.it isnt a problem really is it. eating sensibly, dressing well, exercising, no need for expensive gyms, walking easy enough, regular dental appointments, I just think men seem to imagine women will fancy them however they look,and however much older than them they are, whereas we are more realistic.!

  • catchpole says:

    Saw it on facebook PY it was funny and i dont ;like country music. .men invisible to women, over 40 now that is a new one, wonder how they thought that one up.lol

  • T Lover says:

    Friday. Evening.

    Post wife girlfriend number three has been in touch this week.

    Twenty plus years younger. Memory fuzzy but I think I followed a bloke who was twenty six years older.

    She made me laugh a lot. Bonny. Never married no kids. Has been telling me about her latest failed relationship. Sounded awful familiar.

    I thought I was the problem.

    She now says she doesn’t need a man. How can she think that way? Is there anything better than waking up with a naked woman?

  • T Lover says:

    I am wearing a tin helmet because I want to mention a subject I have mentioned before with the result I had to dodge rotten fruit – the bidet and the fact that in the UK you are thought of as a loon if you own one.

    I could not live without a bidet.

    I have a phobia about intimate moments spoiled because your squeeze is what shall I say, a bit niffy. Or by the unexpected discovery of a stray scrap of loo paper – a problem with the cheaper varieties.

    Have a look at this:


  • T Lover says:

    And here’s another thing. On Saturday I visited the recesses of the female mind.

    Now, every bloke in the known universe is aware of this fact: a woman is never wrong.

    She was away last week – back on Saturday. Had been food shopping. Even after removing her life support system (alcohol) the bag was heavy enough to cut off the blood supply to my fingers.

    The fridge was already brimming. I had to make space for a pack of tomatoes (we already had five, two part used), a bag of salad (the seventh four of which were part used) and so on.

    And a mega cucumber. She bought this gadget for thin slicing cucumber and now has a cucumber thing. I can take it or leave it. It tastes of bugger all and adds the square root of bugger all to a salad.

    I am fed up. I don’t want to spend time on my knees re-arranging the fridge to cater for a profligate salad surplus. So I gently says to her: you know, we already had a cucumber.

    Answer: I bought it because you didn’t tell me you hadn’t eaten the last one. What?

    So, now I have to be a psychic. I have to squeeze my eyes shut, work out she has decided to shop on the way home, that she is on the point of picking up yet another cucumber and at that moment ‘phone. Sorry love, I haven’t eaten the last one yet. But as usual the fault is mine.

    • Fi says:


      Although let’s face it T you like to have a woman to moan about. If you didn’t have one you’d probably need to invent one. Maybe you have…..

  • Mrs T Lover says:

    See you Jimmy. You saying I’m an invention?

    • Fi says:

      We know you’re an invention. What I’m not sure about though is whether your alter ego knows you are an invention. I suspect he thinks you’re real. And maybe he believes in his mind that you really do moan about the cucumber and all the other complaints he posts here.

      • T Lover says:

        Come on Fi, give me a break – I couldn’t make it up even if I wanted to.

      • Fi says:

        maybe you’re just paranoid and when she said she “bought it because you didn’t tell her you hadn’t eaten the last one” she meant she wasn’t aware it was still in the fridge and not “so it’s your fault”. Maybe you’re just reading too much into it?

      • T Lover says:

        Well you are wrong there too – sorry.

        When she’s made a cock up but won’t admit it and when she is trying to pass off a load of bull as my fault my best tactic is to switch off. Go deaf. Otherwise I would go mad.

        Her, typical, womanly response is to attack along the lines: you never listen to me. My riposte: True.

        Since Saturday’s episode I have discovered another weapon. The cucumber moment. When she kicks off, when I am having derision unfairly heaped on me because I am a mere man and she is a blessed by the gods, never wrong woman I stick this limpet mine to her hull: you are having a cucumber moment.

        Meaning: she is talking a load of Henry Halls to save her face. As women do.

        And do not deny, Fiona, that women are always accusing men of not listening to them.

        I do not want to involve you in lowering the tone of this blog but here goes: that’s why Apple invented the iBreast – I have changed the name to make it marginally less vulgar – the sound system that could be attached to a woman’s bosom. Because women’s main complaint about men is that they stare at their breasts but never listen.

      • Fi says:

        Er….I never complain about men not listening to me. And I haven’t heard anybody else say that either. I find men do perfectly well. It depends on what you say and how you say it I guess. And whether the man wants to be co-operative or not. It is just a myth that woman say that (although I’m sure some do somewhere). It doesn’t appear to be a myth though that there are men who would be happier in a shed at the end of the garden to get away from Her Indoors.
        As I think has been said many times on here before, maybe, just maybe, your deliberate policy of doing things that you know wind up women (not sure if it is the same one all the time or different ones) may actually exacerbate the problem?

      • maria says:

        T, not only are you shagging a much younger woman with all the perks that entails, but she also does the shopping. You can take a little whining about a cucumber, you lucky bastard!
        PS: I like cucumbers and I also have a bidet. Bidets are very much appreciated here in Portugal.

      • Fi says:

        What are the perks?

      • maria says:

        Well Fi, he gets to show off his girl to his mates and I know men love that. He gets to enjoy her firm, tight body, her beauty. And on top of all that, she also does the shopping. I say he’s very lucky.

      • T Lover says:

        Maria, have you been eating something odd? Some funny mushrooms?

        Can we start again? Wife leaves. Having a meal with fishing mates in Scotland when woman I had spoken to by ‘phone but never met turns up. With bloke. Turns out he is her lodger. She calls and asks me for meal next time I am in area. I say yes. That goes on for a few months until I have had enough of her stupid childish strops.

        I try Encounters and meet two women in the flesh one of which is this twenty odd year younger piece I took over from a thirty year older (or whatever it was) bloke. That lasts five minutes but not in acrimony – we still keep in occasional touch, as I do with the other Encounters woman I met that year.

        The next year I meet the present on/off long haired Controller the one who nowadays has taken to cucumber moments.

        Now Maria, I can’t see any future for me in twenty year age gaps and but for the twenty something younger woman pushing at the time probably wouldn’t have met her at all. And there couldn’t have been much sexual pleasure for her in my saggy torso. Perhaps she just fancied the older wallet but in fairness, knowing her, I don’t think that is fair.

        Today, I am past showing off a woman’s looks. I did that with the second wife and look where that got me. She had lots of attention from other blokes, loved it and my family is now on the scrapheap.

        Better relationships are with someone bright who makes you laugh. And the worm turns. The wife has turned fifty as has her waist measurement. She has lost her looks and doesn’t seem to care any more. The bloke she is with is a numpty. I don’t see how she could be happy.

        Two other things. You would be welcome were you ever in the Borders. You would be a bit difficult to explain but welcome.

        Two: eBay is a very good place to buy bidets. I bought four for the house I am doing up at a total cost of around £20 quid. Isn’t that a fascinating fact?

      • zoe says:

        “You would be welcome were you ever in the Borders. You would be a bit difficult to explain but welcome”. Such a pleasant friendly place this blog. Shame it’s petered out.

      • maria says:

        T, I’m sorry things have gone so wrong after your divorce and you haven’t been able to find a nice woman. That’s life, I guess. But don’t lose hope, it may still happen.
        Something tells me that you may still get together with your wife (the good-looking one). It seems to me you still have feelings for her, which is only natural. Maybe she’s not such a bitch now, age changes you, you know.
        Thank you for your offer, but where are the Borders? Scotland? I don’t think I will ever go to Scotland, sadly.
        You know you are very welcome if you ever come to Braga, Portugal.

      • T Lover says:

        Feelings for my wife? You ought to be on the stage. Years of wondering what she was up to when she would not pick up her ‘phone. You can keep that for a game of soldiers.

        The bit of the Borders to which I hope to move at some stage – if the builders get their fingers out – is 50 minutes car drive south of Edinburgh and maybe an hour north of Newcastle.

        It is an understated bit of the UK but has everything. Scenery, history, the coast, peace and quiet. Worth a visit.

  • Fi says:

    I agree it is a nice friendly chatty place 🙂

  • Fi says:

    Hey T, I’m on the 3.30 train from Edinburgh passing through Berwick soon. Come down to the station and give me a wave. I’m in coach b 🙂

  • T Lover says:

    Mexican wave?

    Get off at Berwick. catch the Perrymans bus outside the station and journey up the Tweed valley.

    Berwick is supposed to have the country’s biggest black economy.

    There are some terrific Georgian buildings – especially round the harbour front.

    The beaches south of the town (towards and below Banburgh) must be amongst the best in the country, not to mention the castle itself.

    One thing that bugs me about the area is the Tweed valley is largely owned by some very wealthy titled individuals most of whom seem to have met one another at Eton.

    Anyway, when I have sorted my dog situation – I have six at home in Derbyshire at the moment, two is the norm – I will happily stand on Berwick station and wave. Will you wave back? Through trains pass Berwick at 50 mph plus. Will you wear a special hat?

    • Fi says:

      We stopped. The platform was empty

    • maria says:

      T, what are you going to do to your dogs? Don’t tell me you’re going to abandon them somewhere very far away from home. 😦

      • T Lover says:

        Two belong to neighbours who are on holiday for another twelve days.

        I also have three working Labrador puppies one or two of which need good homes. I am keeping one/two and the mother.

  • T Lover says:

    As, this morning, I was being told for the umpteenth time what a bad person I was I turned to think of Eureka moments. That instant the apple landed unexpectedly on his head thus inventing gravity.

    I was turning this thought in my mind: the bloke who invented the scold’s bridle, did he have a Eureka moment, were his senses eroded over a long period? What happened? What did his wife say to offend him so? Did the idea come to him in a flash or did a pal say: If mine talked to me like that I’d….. Who was he? What did he do for a living? Was he ever reconciled with his wife?

    And do women realise the corrosive effect nagging has on a relationship? And the 21st century women who bemoan the no man fact, do they stop to think there is a reservoir of fellas who ain’t going to put up with it again.

    Of course these are scurrilous thoughts of the lowest order. Women never nag. Have you ever met a woman who will ever admit to nagging? In my house the word is “discussions”. In my head the reality is purgatory.

    • Peggy says:

      Still here and observing.

      T please don’t ever stop being a grumpy old man, you keep me chuckling

    • Fi says:

      God your lifestyle sounds horrific. I couldn’t bear to live with the level of conflict you seem content to live in and encourage by your admitting to doing provocative things as though it’s all a game you’re enjoying playing. With all your women. I would have been off after the second time you did it to me

      • T Lover says:

        Fi, don’t be like that. My real name is Saint T Lover. And less of the “all your women”, I should be so unlucky.

        You know what? I suggested this am that if I was such a bad person – as bad as she claims – why didn’t she bugger off and find someone better.

        Her response was she was going to carry on until she got me on the straight and narrow. In her twisted female mind she thinks it’s good for me! After all these years I am going to be re-born as a mat. Apparently.

        Anyway, I haven’t dared raise the subject but I think I am having another sabatical for a few days. I am now firing my rifle in the air.

      • Fi says:

        Is it not just all so …….exhausting? Don’t you want to just potter about with someone that can be nice to you and you be nice to them? Take each other cups of tea? Do things together and enjoy it?

      • T Lover says:

        Fi, hang on I thought you said I made it all up.

        Which in your case would be the pot calling the kettle black.

        At 3.35 this morning I was arrested on Berwick station for gesticulating at a women in carriage B on a passing train.

        Turned out it was a drag act going back to Glasgow from a hen night in Newcastle.

        If you were really on that train where were you as I was being dragged away?

      • Fi says:

        That explains why I didn’t are you just now when I passed back through Berwick

      • maria says:

        T, why don’t you make your own blog? You’re a funny fellow, even though a bit nuts and you write a few things that I don’t understand, but that’s because English isn’t my mother language and I don’t share your cultural references. This one is dead and buried and I don’t think P will ever come back.
        Think about it. Fi and I would be followers, obviously. You could talk about all the shenanigans you go through with your ex’s, girlfriends and women in general and also about love in middle age.
        I went to “Bitterbabe” and “Mining the Manosphere” but it just isn’t the same.
        Pretty soon we won’t be able to comment here anymore and we’ll lose contact. What a fucking shame! :- (

      • Fi says:

        That’s not a bad idea Maria. The other blogs are good but really you need the traffic of commentators who are happy to get the conversation going for people to chat. I don’t know why this one took off but it did. I think a blog by T moaning about women, and his women, would be quite entertaining. He would enrage women less tolerant than us and that would be amusing in itself.

      • Ethel says:

        Yet again, I’m moved to comment and can’t remember my nickname. Oh well, it’ll have to be Ethel this time round then.

        Maria, Fi, great ideas. If the blog went completely, and it may do at this rate, there would be no way of keeping in touch. I would miss reading the Continuing Adventures of T Lover. T Lover, what you do say to your own blog?

        Ms P, if by chance you are reading this… can we please have a quick update or at least a reassurance that the blog will be left here for us to read and comment on…?

      • Fi says:

        Because I’m a bit of a saddo and want to ‘know’ who I’m talking to, I’ve looked through a few previous posts and you were Single not Desperate. Gah time to get up 🙂

      • Ethel says:

        Er, ok, Fi, thanks! I had at least two other names before that I think. Going back to 2012 or was it 2011? Never mind. Ethel may stick now.

      • Fi says:

        gah why did you tell me that????
        You’re the virtual equivalent of someone whose face you know but can’t place where you know them from.

      • Ethel says:

        I doubt you’d remember me, Fi, it was such a long time ago that I started reading this blog, and I didn’t comment that much. Let it go, it’s not important 🙂

  • T Lover says:

    Thank you for the suggestion but no. I have a blog to which I have not added a post for three years. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

    But: I have enjoyed this blog. I would have liked to have met some of the contributors. I floated a suggestion (about meeting) that seemed to fall on stony ground. I thought Scott was over in July but he has disappeared.

    I appreciate the logistics might have been difficult. I have a problem at home. If she found out there would be hell to pay. Not that I am bothered from a relationship point of view, it is just that she might feel personally let down if she read what I have included in a public blog.

    The impression I have is that if the Blogger wrote another post the whole thing would spark into life again.

    I also think there is a proportion of silent contributors who, like me, keep a regular weather eye on the blog. Get onto the Times and see if you can get her to wake up.

    • Ethel says:

      Perhaps Scott got lucky…

    • Fi says:

      Well I’ll give you a shout next time I go through Berwick 🙂

    • maria says:

      T, what’s the name of your blog?

      • T Lover says:

        Maria, I am not going to say.

        I have an interest in some fishing. The powers that be decided that they wanted to restrict the number of salmon caught in the spring period. Tempers became terribly short and I kicked off a blog.

        I feel a bit embarrassed about it now – looking back I would have handled things differently. I intend to re-open it soon but before I do will edit out some of the pages.

  • T Lover says:

    I think Fi is right, I have a problem with women. In my mind I think it is with people generally but I could understand how some might think otherwise.

    Last evening, I went into the supermarket on the way home. I bought a tin of dog food and a pack of razors. Two items in total for which I had the exact money.

    Three tills were working. All had queues. I plumped for what I thought might be the best and landed behind a woman with an overflowing trolley. Had roles been reversed I would have said (to her): just two things? Dive in front. Not her. Item after item. The whole conveyor. Stacked.

    I began to dislike her. Mean sour mouth turned down at the edges. Plump in a Buddha sort of way. No bosom which, given the amount of lard she was carrying, was a tad surprising.

    Then, she takes eons to pay. Cannot find her card. Then she takes more eons to shove off with her trolley. I began to really dislike her.

    Anyway, now I am back in the old car at the junction with the main road. The car breaks down. In the mirror I see the flat chested Buddha right up the exhaust of my car. The bloody moo started to blow her horn. I dropped the window and waved her by. She just sat there blowing her horn.

    A gentleman would have ignored her. I got out and strode to her window. “Tell you what love, let’s swap. I’ll sit in your car blowing the horn and you try and start my car.”

    Well that lit her fuse. No idea what she said but whatever pearls were thrown my way were thrown with that high pitched shrill delivery woman summon up when miffed.

    So I went back to her window. Excuse me love. I’m building an idiot can I borrow your mouth?” She went mad.

    It’s funny how things turn out. I got the car going. Went 200 yards to get petrol and stood behind the same female slug in the queue. If she knew what I was thinking. A bloke wouldn’t have behaved like her.

    • Fi says:

      That is so funny. You have said what other people simply dream of saying or say in their head. I would have paid to see that. 😀 😀

    • Ethel says:

      T, that is so well written and had me laughing! 🙂 You really should be writing a blog.

      For the record, I would have let you jump ahead in the queue *and* I would have got out my car and come to see if you needed assistance. But then I’ve been told I’m too nice!

    • maria says:

      Well, I don’t know what men are like where you live, but here in Portugal not only do they drive much worse than women but they’re also much bigger jerks on the road.
      I don’t drive but my sister does and she was insulted lots of times by men on the road. One old bloke once even came out of his car and tried to assault her just because she called his attention for something wrong he had done. And the same thing happened to my sister-in-law.
      Most men here are misoginists and they are even worse on the road. For instance, they can’t stand being overtaken by women, they consider it some sort of big attack on their masculinity.

      • Ethel says:

        Maria, we get them too, though they don’t sound anywhere near as horrible as yours. White van man is the classic round where I live. They hate being overtaken on the motorway by a woman in a small car (me!), though they are only assuming from the car that it’s driven by a woman. They probably cannot actually see me. As soon as I overtake, they have to overtake, get back in front of me and slow down.

        Well, they did until recently… I upgraded from my old basic model to the new model in the ‘sports’ version… twice the horsepower. Now I overtake, they don’t like it, pull out to overtake me and I put my foot down. They haven’t got the acceleration to keep up, let alone overtake me… Oh how confused they must feel as I leave them behind! 😀 😀 (Within the speed limit of course and only when it’s safe!)

      • maria says:

        Ethel, good for you. You show them, girl.

    • Fi says:

      Please T write one. Just your general moanings about your day to day life, written in your humorous way would be really entertaining. There’s obviously a market – think Victor Meldrew and Grump Old Men 🙂

  • T Lover says:

    I’m away to the coal merchant’s in a minute.

    If I am running short he will leave a bag or two outside the fence so I can collect after hours.

    I arrive. No bags. First thing next morning I ‘phone. They definitely put three bags by the gate. Never mind. Someone had it away with my anthracite before I got there. I am then told how a couple of weeks ago a new bunker was stolen plus a ton of fuel to put in it.

    At 4 I had a phone call. The police had my missing bags. The boys had seen the bags by the gate, thought another burglary was in progress, had staked the yard out and taken my anthracite as evidence.

    I promise you, this is the sort of thing that happens to me all the time. Why does God pick on me?

    • Fi says:

      Honestly? They don’t only happen to you. What is unique about you, and makes you very entertaining, is the way you respond to these things.

    • maria says:

      T, another suggestion: why don’t you comment on “Bitterbabe”?
      I have the feeling that pretty soon we won’t be able to comment here, anymore.

      http://thebitterbabe.com/ (sorry don’t know how to make a link to the blog)

      • maria says:

        Seems I made a link without even knowing it.

      • T Lover says:

        I feel comfortable here – I can wear scruffy clothes, slippers and draw on my pipe.

        Boring: I would have enjoyed a meet up even if it was only by Skype and without cameras.

        There are – seemingly – only a handful of people who are still hanging round. So, perhaps Maria is right the whole thing is dying a death.

      • Fi says:

        It’s like a party where the hostess has buggered off to bed and the drink is just about finished and there’s just a few folk hanging about the kitchen checking the bottles 🙂
        I might nip down and see you when you’re in Berwick you grumpy old man

      • zoe says:

        “It’s like a party where the hostess has buggered off to bed and the drink is just about finished and there’s just a few folk hanging about the kitchen checking the bottles :)” Brilliant 🙂

      • Ethel says:

        Fi, I love the party analogy too! Pass that last bottle of red, will you please? 😀

        T, the blokes behind “Lydia”, I imagine sitting in their vests and pants in a darkened room.

        If this site folds, should we arrange now where else on the net we can continue to meet?

      • Fi says:


      • T Lover says:

        Oh, Fiona, I do hope so.

        There are lots of others, both men and women, including the blokes behind Lydia, I would have liked to have eyeballed too.

        I could meet you at Berwick station. You couldn’t miss me. I’m the little fella with the long white beard, cloak, incontinence pads and scythe.

      • Fi says:

        Gah I’d drive. I’m only an hour away 🙂

  • zoe says:

    @Ethel, I rather like that idea. A while back someone suggested kicking off a forum somewhere else called friends of plankton or similar. My vote would be to lose the Plankton ref altogether (sorry, P, but it still makes me bristle!) and find some other mid-life handle. Maybe there’s a way of having a group/community forum, where members of a committee, or some kind of coalition of the willing, each takes it turn once a week to kick off the week’s comments with a post. I’m as useless as P when it comes to things technical so I’ve no idea where or how to do that. Thoughts anyone?

    • Fi says:

      I think that’s a good idea. Didn’t someone set up a group or something a while ago? Will see if I can find the link

      • zoe says:

        That was the one I meant – the “friends of plankton” or some such. I think it was also more of a free for all – I might be wrong. I think it works having a post and then a free flow of comments, followed by another thematic post etc. Like P has been doing.

  • Fi says:


    Have no idea what it is or how it works or anything though.

    Hey – I’ve handed my notice in and am heading off for 6 weeks travelling in Australia at the end of the year. Post breast cancer I’ve gone mad 🙂

  • zoe says:

    Well done. I’ve no idea how you manage to dredge these things up from the depths of the plankton archives!

    “I’ve handed my notice in”. Well done for that too! The freedom years…

  • zoe says:

    ps are there any other blogging experts out there who can spell out our options?

    • Ethel says:

      Glad you like my suggestion Zoe! An expert is exactly what we need… there must have been someone among all the former commenters. Such a shame that they’ve all disappeared.

  • T Lover says:

    I feel uncomfortable saying these things.

    I always see the worst in people, put two and two together and make five, then live to regret the truth when it emerges because I have been unfair.

    I was cynical about this blog. Latterly I thought it was simply a means to an end, the promotion of a newspaper column. When the column went so did the interest in the blog. And all this business about wall to wall parties a couple of Christmases ago followed by drink, drugs loneliness and depression last. It did not ring true.

    Then there was the Diana effect. The interaction between complete strangers and a blogger they had never met, never will has been a mystery to me but the reality is that as she disappeared so have many of the commentators.

    For me the bones look like this: I have enjoyed the mischievous exchanges – at times because I have been lonely. But the perpetual theme: I could do with a bloke but they are all unfaithful slobs looking for a younger squeeze has dragged.

    Pretty much all that is left for me is to read comments left by what appear to be some seemingly nice people. To wonder what they look like. To wonder what they do in life. To pull the odd leg. Are they as nice in the flesh as they appear on paper? Could we have a laugh?

    But the trouble is that it is just not on to pop over from the States, Australia or Portugal or even from the other end of the UK. In reality meeting up is out.

    So, although the blog is stuttering I am in a way happy to carry on as is, to share a smile about a bit of mischief.

    Then again, I am at least going to get to meet Fiona. That’s a result.

    • Fi says:

      well the bit I liked to be honest was the comments. Because at times they were almost a dialogue, or a conversation. And sometimes very amusing.
      But you could maybe be a bit more open because it was all anonymous. And rather like chatting to folk you know, you like some of them better than others.
      I used to think people who communicated on line were somehow not having a proper relationship, and that they ‘could be anybody’ but in actual fact I don’t think that’s true. In fact on the bitter babe I recognised Rosie simply by the tone and language she used when communicating with other people so we do have a distinct identity that sooner or later, no matter how much someone may be tempted to hide it, leaks through in our communication style. I find that quite interesting really.

    • Ethel says:

      T, a fantastic post from you again!

      I would certainly miss “T-Fi” if you both disappeared. See what I did there? lol 😀

  • Candy says:

    There are other lurkers here still too…totally agree with Fi…I miss the commentators as much as Miss P…Lydia was the only one I had my doubts about…could anyone really be that far up their own arse?? Loved Miss Bates, you Fi, T Lover and a few others even Scott,,, Maria you sound fabulous…was nearly looking at flights to Portugal :p

    • maria says:

      Thank you very much, Candy. We would love to have you here.

      • Fi says:

        Yep Maria is really funny. I like to imagine a demure and polite and quietly spoken woman who unleashes the full force of her personality on her laptop when she gets in at night having spent all day dodging her boss. 🙂

      • maria says:

        Fi, I wouldn’t say I’m that demure or polite. And my friends and family know the full force of my personality. I just don’t confide in anyone, I take the time to know the person and feel he/she is a good individual.
        Having talked to some friends at work, it seems my boss is nasty to everyone, even those close to her. You never know how she’s going to react, she may be almost nice or she is really awful. Maybe she’s bipolar. Anyway, I need the job and I’m stuck with her.

      • Ethel says:

        Maria, helps to know it’s not just you?

      • maria says:

        Ethel, I know there are lots of awful bosses out there and I’m lucky that I have a job, but I’m just so fed up. Sometimes I feel like telling her to go fuck herself and leave me alone.
        Anyway, I’m enjoying my holidays now and I won’t go back to work until September. Yay!

      • Ethel says:

        Maria, I feel for you, having been on the receiving end of it myself in my last job. My boss was a bitch and bully.

        Enjoy your summer! 🙂

  • Mezzanine says:

    I’m a lurker. Have been following this blog for ages. Miss Ms P but still look for any new comments. Love the banter between T Lover, Fi and others. Have to say Mr T you have made me laugh out loud sometimes and love a male point of view on relationships, especially one so down to earth as yours. Don’t stop. Nor you Fi. We all feel lonely at times, me included and it’s nice to contribute a point of view especially when you have had a day of being shouted at!

  • Fi says:

    Well Candy and Mezzanine – thank you very much for the compliments to us all. And Zoe. I also miss EmGee and I know there are others but they’ve been away so long now that they’ve obviously moved on to new relationships elsewhere.

    However now you’ve popped your heads round the door don’t you think you should just come on in and join the party? 🙂

  • Fi says:

    I’m going to click on the tribe thing and see what happens. I will report back 🙂

    • Fi says:

      Nope – nothing happened except an error message!
      However i’ve been re-reading some of the comments on the previous posts and laughing. We were quite funny 🙂

    • maria says:

      Fi, I’ve tried the tribe thing as well and like you, nothing happened. Or maybe the whole thing is just too damn technical for me.

      • Fi says:

        Ah we’re useless.

      • Ethel says:

        So we’ll be reconvening the party over at the bitterbabe blog if this site disappears? 🙂

      • zoe says:

        Fi and Maria, re The Tribe and “Plankta” – for the followers of plankton etc. do you mean the link doesn’t go through for you? It seems to go through fine for me. And there’s a button to join if want to post etc Or do you mean you can’t get further than that?

  • zoe says:

    Ah, I see, it seems to only let you get so far, although I seem to have managed to join the tribe network. I’ve sent “plankta” a message to see if he/she might come back over here and help us start up another one. No idea whether it will reach the target….

  • T Lover says:

    Corr it’s hot. Around north Manchester – I work in that dump north Manchester – there are some wonderful sights. It’s a wonder I didn’t crash on the way here.

    I looked the other day to see how much a head camera might cost. I did think dashboard camera after I got stopped last time by the izzy whizzys but a head camera would be more versatile even if the band would spoil my hair – ha ha.

    Anyway my mate pointed out that footage taken because I have repeatedly turned my head to look at a women might be a tad embarrassing especially if Mrs T Lover got her hands on it.

    But you know I don’t look for sexual gratification. Innocent m’Lud. I look because I am fascinated by the horrors freely walking our streets. Flesh. Fat. Horrid big bosies in inappropriately revealing clothes, bling and tattoos. Pendulous breasts on the loose. Tacky revealing outfits. All worn by women who think they look bloody wonderful. That’s what bugs me: the way these people think so much of themselves.

    In short more mutton dressed as pig than is good for any nation. We are an ignorant tasteless bunch in the UK. No pride.

    • Fi says:

      this blog allows you to say the things you couldn’t say in real life. Oh hang on a minute………………you DO!!!

    • maria says:

      And the men all look wonderful. No big beer bellies, bald heads, nose and ear hair, rotten teeth, hairy backs and bottoms, pestilent breath… and I could go on. And guess what, they all want a young beautiful thin girl.

      • Fi says:

        But honestly…I just don’t come across men who want young women. Either I am oblivious or mad or deluded or maybe I keep different company or maybe it’s just a small minority of men that do and the belief that they do is mainstream but honestly the men I know are quite happy with older women. I bet T would be perfectly happy with an older woman who was nice to him too. I would imagine that on his list of must haves and nice to haves, ‘young’ doesn’t make an appearance.
        [Don’t let me down here T]

      • Fi says:

        or maybe the only men I know are smart clever men who are far more interested in having women they like and get on with and that is what they prioritise?

      • T Lover says:

        You are both right.

        At my age – 90 – sex is not as important as it was, a couple of times a week is more than enough.

        Nowadays, I am more interested in money than their looks.

        However, I confess I am looking for a younger model. Must be fit. To help me in and out of the bath and to push my wheelchair.

      • Fi says:

        you need a trained mental health professional I think 🙂

      • T Lover says:

        What ho? Fiona and Maria competing to talk themselves down.

        Why are women so vain? Why when internet dating do women never put up a photograph of their real selves? Why do they put up pictures taken when they were at school?

        What does it matter if you are not photogenic? Who are you worrying to impress with your looks? I mean in the context of this blog.

        When I was using Encounters I would read these no picture profiles and be seduced. Tall, slim blond. Above average looks. Only to find, when I did get a picture, that the norm was a face that would stop a clock and so gross they had to travel by tank transporter.

      • Fi says:

        Actually I’ve updated my Facebook page with an excellent photo of me. Taken on Saturday night the woman who took it had been drinking doubles all evening so it has just the right amount of camera shake to make me look good but not enough to make me blurry

      • maria says:

        “a face that would stop a clock and so gross they had to travel by tank transporter.” Why T, I didn’t know you had come across my profile picture.

        T, you’re a bit too bitter lately.

      • T Lover says:

        Give it a rest, Maria. Stop talking yourself down.

        I am small, old and ugly. When I sit on Fiona’s knee she will be the ventriloquist to my dummy.

      • maria says:

        “I am small, old and ugly.” – I don’t believe that. Not with all those ex-wives, girlfriends, etc.

      • T Lover says:

        Maria, what has the fact I am Fredrick Eels’ natural successor, a shot from a canon circus midget, got to do with the fact you are talking yourself down.

        Imagine you were me. Difficult, I know, but try. I’ve seen a bit of life. What would you chose? Looks good but brain dead. Or bright, a nice person, loyal, friends like her and she makes you smile?

      • Fi says:

        I agree. Maria is always talking herself down. STOP IT LADY!!

  • Steve 2 says:

    Just a thought, why not create a closed group on Facebook? I know it’s the devils spawn an all that but it would allow those that want to to chat or vent as you want to.
    All you’d have to do is post a redirect on here and anyone still interested in the Plankton community could find it.
    I await you’re abuse/ comments

    • Fi says:

      Thanks Steve that’s very kind of you to go to this effort. Facebook though means seeing what people look like and that might be a bit too over familiar. What does anyone else think?

      • maria says:

        I don’t mind. I don’t have an account on facebook but I can get one. I won’t be posting any photos, though. I’m too hideous.

      • Fi says:

        Gah STOP THAT. You aren’t. Or rather you are probably as hideous as me. i look horrific in photos but in the flesh…..well that’s where i’m ok. 🙂

      • Ethel says:

        Nice idea, but I have mixed feelings about a closed Facebook page – part of the appeal of this blog is that we are all anonymous and there’s no signing-up in order to be able to post. I think it would put people off.

        How about another WordPress blog?

      • Fi says:

        I quite like imagining people rather than seeing them to be honest.

      • T Lover says:

        Well, imagine this Miss Fi: imagine Mrs T Lover.

        One eye on a stalk on the top of her head…

  • Margaux says:

    Greetings everyone from a past poster who still occasionally dips in. Lovely to still read you all. I was rather peeved when P disappeared off into the ether ….an “I’m off but please carry on without me if you’d like” would have been nice. T-Lover got me thinking …was it all just a promotion for the Times column in the end?
    Regarding a facebook group. They way round it is for people to create a new account each and choose any photo for your profile that isn’t of you. A flower, a logo – whatever – doesn’t have to be a personal photo.
    Then one person creates the group and makes it a closed group -admission only. Just a thought.

    Anyway. It’s great to read those of you who are still about. T Lover making me laugh out loud as ever 🙂 And Fi – I’m glad to read you are doing well. That’s a great move to go travelling. Australia is fabulous – I am sure you will love it 🙂 Maybe a blog as you go?

    • Fi says:

      Thanks Margaux. I remember you although you haven’t commented here for ages and ages. Good to see you back

    • Ethel says:

      Welcome back, Margaux. How are you? You won’t remember me – I keep forgetting what I called myself before 😮

      If I put my cynic hat on… yes, this was just to promote the Times column and a potential book. Maybe it took off in a way that P was not expecting.

      I was already wondering about what you’ve suggested: a separate Facebook profile used only for Plankton. With nothing on it to identify myself. I would think most on here don’t want to reveal their real names?

      • Fi says:

        I think P set up the blog to allow herself to express her thoughts and on the back of that the Times became interested. However it lost interest because let’s face it, how many times can you write about not getting a date before people get a bit bored. A blog is different because it generates comments but a newspaper column that says the same thing every week is pretty hard going. I think P only kept the blog going really out of loyalty to her readers as she must have found it tiresome herself. There have been other blogs about dating experiences, but at least on those people were writing about their experiences, but P hardly ever did date so really she could only talk about not going on dates.
        But she did a good job while she was doing it and kept it going for a long time. I would be interested I guess in hearing where she is now and whether she is still unhappy, happy, single or with someone just as a closure to the story of her life.

  • Fi says:

    I would be ok just using mine to be honest. If it were a closed group that other folk couldn’t get into I don’t have a problem with folk like Maria and T and Ethel and Margaux and Zoe etc seeing who I was.

  • Margaux says:

    Hello Fi and Ethel
    I’ve just scampered back up the thread and caught up. Periodically this year I would look in and fear the Blog had died. I always enjoyed the commentators as much as reading P so I’m glad people are still dropping by to post.

    I was always one of the Pollyannas – still a Plankton in her 50s but happy to be one. If someone comes along – fine – if not – equally fine. There is a liberation in being able to please one’s self. (And yes, I have had more than one long term relationship in the past ). So, in particular, Fi’s posts always chimed with me. I think you would make an excellent psychoanalyst, Fi.

    I do believe it all starts with us – or is that all too simplistic?
    You know how it is much discussed that women of a certain age become invisible?

    I conducted a small experiment as I was feeling a bit invisible myself – although I quite enjoyed the freedom of that.
    Took myself off on holiday. Trotted around in colourless, baggy clothes and no make up and enjoyed being able to go anywhere with barely a second glance from anyone.
    Then I wondered whether this was it…..

    So one day I stuck the colourful summer frock on and the slap and flounced down the road with attitude and a smile.
    One guy ( younger) called out ‘nice dress’ as he passed by and another guy (around my age) dashed ahead of me to open a door.

    Now – I figure I am average looking, never been a ‘stunna’ …and I certainly look my age : – thickening waistline, my fair quota of wrinkles.
    I wasn’t on the pull btw – just wondered whether it was possible to still be noticed. I figure if we start with ourselves – it is.

    (Or is that all sounding a bit too Lydia ? 🙂 !)

    • Fi says:

      No you are so right!!!!

      I’m totally in agreement with you. Smile, wear a bit of makeup, show a bit of interest in other people, stay slimmish, cover those grey roots and we have still got it.
      The one thing I keep having an issue with is this endless refrain that nobody wants an older woman. I have never found that to be the case, ever. Nobody has ever asked my age.

      I would have LOVED to have been a psychoanalyst though 🙂

      • Ethel says:

        Totally in agreement here too. Make an effort for/with other people and they will make an effort back.

        Occasionally, on dating sites, I have seen men that are 55-ish (for example) and say they are looking for a woman aged 18-35 (or some other similar combination of ages). There are just as many women, in their 50s, wanting a man aged 40-55, so it works both ways. I’m not man-bashing!

        Fi, I considered training to become a psychotherapist when I retired early, but also didn’t think it would be worth it for the time left once I’d qualified. Maybe in another lifetime…

      • Fi says:

        So what do you do for a job now then when the world is your oyster etc etc ?

      • Ethel says:

        Fi, I retired and am perfectly happy. There’s whole other world out there! 🙂

  • Margaux says:

    Thanks Fi. You still can! A degree with the Open University? One friend of mine took redundancy in her early fifties and decided to do a law degree with the OU.
    She now has a new career that is law related and loves it.
    It sounds like the perfect time for you to explore whatever you want to do – after you’ve explored Australia 🙂

    • Fi says:

      I don’t know. I think I might be able to do it but question whether it would be worth anyone’s time employing me and the age I would be then

  • T Lover says:

    Come on you lot. This blog is not going to end. Obvious that there is a reservoir of people who want to carry on.

    Don’t be shy. Use it or lose it.

  • T Lover says:

    I would like to share something rather personal.

    I have been twisting and turning this morning watching myself in the mirror.

    My worry is that the love handles are not only bigger – a simple explanation as to why suits are becoming ever snugger – but they have the ominous look of permanence.


    • Fi says:

      I share your concern 🙂

    • maria says:

      Me, it’s my fucking belly. I’m not overweight but I have a bit of a belly and it isn’t getting smaller, either. I figure that to not have a belly I would have to starve myself, but I love food: roast chicken, steak with chips, roast lamb… not to mention desserts, ice cream… and life is too short to not eat what I like.
      And don’t even get me started on my tits.

    • T Lover says:

      Bosoms. The most wonderful things.

      My weight goes up and down depending on my love life.
      When I am on my own it goes down.

      On my own, I drink less, eat less fancy cooking, and walk every day. That said nine times out of ten I have always turned down puddings.

      I tried fasting but was miserable although I know it is really good for your health.

      If I stay off the hooch in the week I can’t tell you how good a bottle of wine tastes on Friday night.

  • py says:

    Well thank you, Zoe. We like that ! I thought i’d spotted a unicorn once, but clearly a figment of my imagination.

    Pleased to see the voices of reason are still her ie all men over 50 do not look 20 years down the tree; it helps the prospects of both sides of the dating game if they make an effort and perk themselves up a bit before stepping out (I’d draw the line at putting on some ‘slap’, mind); it helps to have an open mind and a broad range of interests rather than being too insular.

    I was trying to explain my own circumstances to my octogenarian mother the other day ie still single after a dozen years of being a singleton. There are many factors including a full on role in child raising or diminishing opportunities for social activity as a result of being increasingly screen based. Like any tool, the internet has to be used properly but has its limitations.

    However, what I did highlight to her is the demographic tier that I find myself in. A roughly equal number of singleton women but of a generation where many have financial independence (often hard won- and, sadly I might add,an increasing number of 50+widows), frequently having just secured an empty nest and a clear choice as to whether or not they wish to cast their lot in with a new partner with all of the compromise that goes with that.

    Casting an eye at my increasingly frail father, my mother is of the view that that the ‘superboomer’ generation dosn’t fully realise how lucky it is.”What I could have achieved!” is a frequent refrain from her

    • Fi says:

      You love a bit of slap. But being a bloke you don’t recognise it on a woman’s face unless she’s ladled it on with a trowel. The number of times I’ve heard blokes describing a woman as ‘natural’ and ‘not wearing make up’ and it’s obvious she is to any woman watching. I don’t give them away though as I also go for the discreet look and prefer to let people think my eyelashes are thick and dark themselves, my skin clear with a faint flush on my cheeks, and slightly darker lips and brows. Cos I’m just borne beautiful. 😀

      • Jill says:

        Greetings Fi (and everyone else….)

        Am just drawing breath today after a prolonged bout of grandchildcare, and I amused myself by re-reading the whole of this post. So sad that P has never “returned” – it would be very comforting to know how things stand with her, and if she is reading this, I wish her well and hope that she has found contentment if not unadulterated happiness.

        I am glad to read that you, Fi, seem to be well and to have bounced back from your very unpleasant experience that year. Make the most of your retirement as you will doubtless discover in the fullness of time, as I have, that one’s children have a propensity for procreation themselves and then your time will no longer be your own!

        Zoe – I loved the Youtube link you provided. It was definitely on a par with the one PY posted which I have sent to numerous friends, to unanimous hilarity. And, I would say that male unicorns are definitely an endangered species in my neck of the woods….in fact, so disconsolate am I at the total lack of normal single men of appropriate age in my locality that I have put my name down for the handily adjacent convent across the road from here! In reply to py’s comments about the demographic in which he finds himself, I would riposte that I might be able to take my pick of any number of delightful gentlemen hereabouts were I prepared to settle for being carer to an elderly (however delightful) chap who is looking simply for someone to cosset him in his declining years. However…..there is life in this old clucker still, and I would rather remain single and sportive (!) than settle for anything less than a rip-snorting relationship!

        Best wishes to everyone.

        [Incidentally, I read PY’s quip about slap as referring to not being prepared to don it himself, but maybe I misunderstood…… ]

      • Fi says:

        Maybe you’re right re PY. Good to hear you’re doing well.

      • py says:

        Aren’t we all Fi, aren’t we all . I’m still not fully in touch with my emoticons so can’t give you all one of those proper smiley things 🙂

        And Jill , I really can’t picture you with a habit , unless it were a naughty one. Enforced chastity is one thing but no G&T nor a crisp Picpoul when you want one is quite another.

        Just seen Martin Freeman in Richard lll – very good (if you’re not put off by a touch of infanticide, regicide , fratricide and homicide all in an evening ) . No wonder he was given the hump.

      • py says:

        Oh , hang on I think I’ve cracked it ! 😉

      • Fi says:

        Ah PY. But can you do this 😀 or this 🙄 or this 😆

      • py says:

        No Fi ,but what about this ?

        :* :^* ( ‘}{‘ )

      • Jill says:

        Well, since everyone is SO hard at work this afternoon……I submit Exhibit A (but you will have to go to this website http://www.diabolicalgifts.com to see it as I can’t work out how to insert a photograph here). Go to the “Grow Your Own” section and then on Page 3 you will see a kit to “Grow a New Husband” (allegedly with none of the defects of the old one) which – when immersed in water – grows to 600% its size! I quote “When removed from water it will slowly shrink back to its original size. Your grow your own item can be grown again and again!! For Entertainment Purposes Only. Not for consumption.”

        For those not keen to acquire a new husband, however well-behaved and shrinkable, there are plenty of other options…..Well, it made me laugh anyway….

      • py says:

        Well , that was pretty hopeless . If you don’t at first succeed etc etc…

        ( ‘} {‘ )

      • Jill says:

        Don’t leave us in suspenders, PY – what are you trying (and failing abjectly) to achieve…?! 😆

  • Fi says:

    @Zoe – Husband Zone chart!!

    • zoe says:

      @Fi. Heh. Low porn. Low delusion. Not much to ask is it?

      • Ethel says:

        Zoe, that made me LOL 😀

      • Fi says:

        As she says that is a minuscule sub section of available blokes

      • zoe says:

        Yes, I feel she missed a trick there. In the chart it’s like an entire quadrant, 25%. But if, as she says, the chart represents 35% of available men, we’re talking more like 8.5% in the workable zone. I think we might have to rework the chart a bit to bring that point home … But I have the sense that the bloke has been working on his chart for a bit longer.

      • Fi says:

        i think the reason her chart hasn’t been so well thought out is because she’s hampered by the fact that she isn’t autistic.

      • Ethel says:

        Fi… so those of us who can see the chart is not well thought out are autistic? 😮 🙂

      • Fi says:

        No it’s why her chart isn’t as anal/obsessive as his chart 🙂

      • Ethel says:

        Oh I see! Sorry… 😀

  • zoe says:

    Also she should definitely rethink the long clear white pointer against the white chart … we wouldn’t want her message
    to get lost ‘n’ all that …

  • T Lover says:

    I was out Wednesday. In late. As you do I poured a Scotch, put on the box and started patrolling the channels when I came across a fascinating programme “Dogging Tales”.

    Why fascinating? Am I a pervert? Yes, I admit it. But it wasn’t that. First, amazed to see the graphic detail they are prepared to show on the box even in the early hours. This was not a documentary about Sooty and Sweep.

    Second, intrigued about the sort of thing these people got up to. I thought you went to the woods. The woman gets screwed whilst another half dozen half bakes watch, play with themselves and wait for their turn.

    The thing was, men were taking their girlfriends for the sole purpose of watching the girlfriend taking it from (lots of) strangers. How are these men wired up?

    And it wasn’t the just men, the women were as keen as mustard too. And there was no bidet to have a freshen up in between.

    The thing that connected that late night programme with this blog was this: no matter how peculiar, no matter how personality odd, no matter how gross these people were there was always a man or woman for them. They were never alone at home.

    Have I lowered the weekend tone? Sorry.

  • peggy says:

    Somewhat of a light bulb moment. Is this where I’m going wrong?

    Personally if that were my bag (and it isn’t) I’d prefer to charge for it, quite a lot, surely this is simply a form of whoring your girlfriend out?

    Do these people have no value of themselves?

    …… or maybe they’re just perverted in the extreme, no offense TL but even your own levels of perversion have a way to go before they sink this low.

    • T Lover says:

      There was one woman, she dolled herself up, she set off, she said (as she was leaving) she loved her husband and dogging made her horny for him.

      There was a bloke who said he was disappointed for his wife, it was all over, she had missed the golden age of dogging. What? The golden age?

      The point I was making is that it take all sorts an I am sure there is someone out there for every one of us.

    • T Lover says:

      Oh, and what do you mean by: “but even your own levels of perversion”? What have I done to deserve that swipe on a Friday afternoon?

      • Peggy says:

        Lol. It’s a sunny Friday afternoon and instead of sitting outside a nice pub with a pint I’m stuck inside bashing the keyboard?
        Or, more accurately you confessed in the first paragraph of your entry!

      • Fi says:

        well said Peggy 🙂

      • Ethel says:

        I remember watching this when it was on before. Fi, it’s either Channel 4 or ITV, seems more a C4 type programme to me. One scene showed some men queuing up to have sex with a woman in the back of their estate car while her husband watched. If that’s what I would have to do to have someone in my life, I much prefer to be “alone at home”. But T knows that and is being provocative. Nice try, but it didn’t work. There’s a difference between alone and lonely… :p

      • T Lover says:

        Me? Provocative? You know me better than that.

        Tell you what, there are one or two erstwhile commentators who have used this blog who would have been well suited to a good sorting in the woods and what’s more I would have given a gold clock to watch.

        Mentioning no names of course.

      • Ethel says:

        I think I know you too well, and I agree with Fi, you are an old pervert!!!

        Just goes to prove the chart of available men was correct. Low porn, low delusion, I’d be surprised if it’s as high as 8.5%!

      • Fi says:

        i hope you don’t mean any of us you old pervert !!!

      • T Lover says:

        Perve? OK I admit it. But old? Steady girl.

  • T Lover says:

    I received my divorce petition yesterday. Well, the truth is it must have been issued (by the wife) in May. It was in a socking great big brown envelope and I had just not opened it.

    The really strange thing was that a mutual friend is doing the legal work for her. This friend is really her friend but she (the lawyer) has had many a meal at our house in the past and she has stayed here with her husband and family.

    Bit of a stab in the back to turn up now wearing a mask trying to rob me.

    • Fi says:

      Friends do pick sides.

      • T Lover says:

        Everything in my life is complicated and I am a windbag.

        The wife still keeps horses here so she calls every day. We never speak. Haven’t done for six years. Oh – that’s not right – I told her what I thought when she started staying out all night.

        She’s living with this bloke. But when she saw I had a woman friend at the house one day in May she went mental. Talk about a hypocrite. But that’s women for you. Quite common in situations like mine. She doesn’t want me but no-one else is having me either. All of a sudden after five and a half years apart my home is her house and a woman has been in it.

        But back in May there is another twist. Her boyfriend (who doesn’t have a pot to pee in) gets in on the act. At 8.00 one night I heard a noise to find he has left an envelope at the back door. A letter written by the boyfriend explaining that if I have a woman friend round at the house would I mind keeping her out of sight when the wife is round to do her horses as the sight of a woman in the wife’s house is distressing the wife.

        What an idiot. I have dined out on that one. Mind you he is terrified that they will miss the main chance when I move. When he scored the wife he must have thought he had his todger in the Klondike.

        A tangent. I live off the track and the postman asked if they could put a locked postbox at the end of the lane to save them a bumpy mile round trip in the postvan.

        Then they broke the key in the box so I make sure as much post as possible goes to work and I collect the bits from the sorting office. Not often because I have to go between 9 and 5 and it’s in the wrong direction for work.

        I went a month ago and collected a bundle which I got round to opening over the last couple of weeks. There was the divorce petition issued in May. Five years separation was the “ground”. For once a diplomatic decision because a response from me about her behaviour would have made spicy reading.

        Anyway, Fi, the point is that whilst I completely accept that friends more often than not, do militate towards one spouse or another I draw the line at a friend acting in a professional capacity and trying to screw me for fees.

        Were I a nice person might not think like that. The date of this petition coincides with the woman in the wife’s house episode and I wonder what was said between the wife and her friend the Solicitor. It could be she was just doing her a favour.

      • Fi says:

        It might have been the case that once approached by her friend, your wife, for a favour, she felt obliged to do it.
        And your wife would approach her friend the lawyer I suppose, just the same as if she needed a room decorated she would approach her decorator friend if she had one.
        But I imagine that while your wife was content for things to carry on as they were the sudden appearance of another woman in the house would prompt action.

      • T Lover says:

        The appearance of another woman might make her think it’s all over but as she has been living with this bloke for at least five years the flip side of the coin is: what was she thinking before the woman turned up for the day?

        Nah, she is hopelessly jealous, still wants me desperately and has the illogical, butterfly mind of a ……….. woman.

        She has not done anything to follow up the petition despite its three month sojourn at the sorting office – during nothing moved forward.

        I loathe the bloody woman.

      • Fi says:

        er….she doesn’t want you. If she did you would know she did. You just think she does because to you that is the only logical explanation for her reaction to another woman appearing on the scene. But that is because you, as a man, are such a simplistic and two dimensional creature that you are incapable of understanding her actions and you simply ascribe them to her illogical and butterfly mind.

        She doesn’t want you but at the same time she doesn’t want another woman living in her house and using her things. She was possibly thinking that everything could continue as it was so that should she change her mind she could go back if she wanted to. Tell you what would really put the wind up her would be if you pushed the divorce proceedings forward if she’s not doing it.

      • T Lover says:

        I don’t know if I’ve said this before but I know of several instances of women in new relationships going barmy because they have discovered their husband has a new girlfriend.

        A classic. Used to work with a girl fourteen years ago. She emigrates to Australia with her husband and children. Almost immediately she starts to see someone else. Then someone else and when she eventually splits from her husband she is in a long standing, behind her husband’s back relationship.

        Have I gone on about this before?

        Two, three years later she discovers her husband has started knocking off a girl he works with. Less than half his age. The wife starts stalking them and eventually there is a scene. The police are called.

        I had to laugh. She sent me an angry eMail to which she had attached a photograph of the husband’s teenage squeeze. At a fancy dress party dressed as a nurse.

        Explain that. I mean the police incident, not dressing as a nurse.

        I can’t put up – I wish I could – a scan of the note my wife left under the car windscreen wiper when she clocked this girl at “her” house but it would prove my point. Women are bonkers. I could ice the cake with the letter hand delivered by her boyfriend.

        What a giggle.

      • T Lover says:

        Fi, I haven’t been to the Scotland house for a while. I intended to go this weekend – the plumber threatened to install the central heating – but I am still not sure whether he is or isn’t, will or won’t.

        Did you ever meet Muriel? It looked at one stage you two might meet up. Or has she disappeared?

      • Fi says:

        Women can go mental as you say but that’s fir a whole host of reasons, and they may not even appear logical, it doesn’t have to mean that they want the man back that’s all I’m saying.

        Re Muriel – she’s vanished I think

      • T Lover says:


        I am there this weekend – are you around?

        Will be with the joiner till around 5 on Saturday and all day Sunday. Not sure whether to go home on Sunday night or Monday morning.

      • T Lover says:

        I meant I will be there all day Sunday. Except around 11 – have to meet someone.

      • Fi says:

        Ah no sorry. I am visiting a 16th century public lending library in Innerpeffray 🙂

      • Fi says:

        just realised you meant sunday not sat. On Sun I am playing rounders with a pile of folk in a park 🙂

      • maria says:

        What’s “rounders”?

      • Fi says:

        Rounders – 2 teams of people. One ‘fields’ i.e. bowls the ball and tries to catch it and get the other team out, and the other team takes it turns to bat it and run from base to base without being ‘out’. In other wards, as we are all over 50, we risk heart attacks and knee injuries every time we play but it is good fun. 🙂

      • maria says:

        I see, I think I’ve played something similar when I was a teenager. Don’t have the legs for it now.

  • T Lover says:

    They say : if it has tits or wheels there’s bound to be trouble.

    The garage has made a mess of the car and women a mess of my life.

    • Fi says:

      What’s happened now???

      • T Lover says:

        What hasn’t happened?

        Never known three months like it.

        The worst news is that my Secretary has cancer bad.

        The woman is more often at home in London nowadays than up my hill in the Peaks. Yes yes yes.

        And the car. The suspension collapsed because the garage didn’t replace the suspension properly after changing a CV joint. The drive shaft was pulled out of the gearbox. I have been scrounging lifts for a fortnight.

        I have a spring to supply my domestic water. No rain. No water at home. I am a very dirty boy.

        This is one of the little things. I lost a pup yesterday. I looked everywhere. Double checked and double checked. Vanished.

        Not in the outbuildings. Not in the house. Not at the farm below or the one above. Nearly two hours later I found her. She was in the house. The house I had checked three times. Upstairs. Where she had demolished an expensive (sounds pretentious but hand made) boot and had a dump and a pee on my bedroom carpet.

        Did not have the decency to make it a dry job. Sloppy.

        I can assure you this is just a flavour – of my life that is.

      • maria says:

        Bloody hell, T. And I thought my life was difficult.

  • T Lover says:

    Am thinking of re-joining the bizarre world of internet dating.

    My plasterer says: who needs a woman at home? Spend Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday on the computer finding a woman for the weekend. Agree to meet. Start again on Monday. Who, he asks, needs the hassle of a woman around all the time?

    Well I do. So, I think I am going to place a new advert along these lines: Saint T Lover requires nubile, female mute with a cleaning, washing up and ironing fetish. Weekends only.

    A bloke I employed as a Trainee light years ago called me this week. Married and divorced, his long term live in lover (guessing 10 to 15 years) has slung her hook. They parted first two years ago for a short while. She was having an affair.

    Much younger, you know. This is what happens when men hook up with women half their age.

    • Fi says:

      I’m impressed that you still keep trying.

    • maria says:

      What happened to your girlfriend?

      • T Lover says:

        Girlfriend, I don’t know.

        I always thought she went down market when she took up with me. Widowed no children. Former stage/radio/television actress. Bright as a button. She was in a mental mess when we met. Would call at 3.00, 4.00 in the morning. I think I have helped her get over her husband’s death and now she has decided I am not for her. Truth. I told her to eff off. Had had enough.

        But she could be real hard work. Friends say I get it all wrong. I should say: yes dear. All my fault. But pratty behaviour is a ballsache whatever your background.

        Trouble is I am frightened. Fire fighting on all fronts at the moment. To be able to share problems with a good woman is worth a King’s ransom.

        Have so much to sort out ….And life is getting shorter. Everyone seems to have cancer, health problems.

  • T Lover says:


    Look. What would I do if I had no-one to stop me falling over on Friday nights?

  • Mrs T Lover says:

    Morning T. Tea or coffee?

    • T Lover says:

      Coffee Darling. Just wondering why a comment about you would not appear yesterday.

      • T Lover says:

        Was just thinking about our relationship – what went wrong.

        Well, no I haven’t asked you to come back because your birthday was the worst day I can remember – a horror day. I don’t want another day like that. And now you are already back on the net, already seeing another bloke. Our relationship can’t have meant much to you.

        Is it me? Should I say nothing when you talk over me? You know how it upsets me.

        You never used to be like this you seemed so loving – what’s gone wrong between us?

        And what do I do now? Two marriages and now this. So much on. On my own, it’s tough.

  • Mezzanine says:

    Oh how I understand what you are saying, T Lover. Had the day from hell. Been beaten with a stick by my boss (not literally) but hey it still hurts! I’m on my own and it is tough. Always tried to be independent but sometimes would love to come home to a partner and tell him just how shit my day has been and for him to tell me not to worry all will be well in the end. Some chance eh, some chance. Same shit, different day.

    • T Lover says:

      Well, my solution is to move. This house is half a mile from the nearest tarmac road. Between Monday and Friday I will not see a soul at home because the nights are drawing in and the walkers will not be around. This is not to say I will talk to anyone during the day because it is only a minority that stop for a chat if I am in the garden.

      So, my solution is to move. I am going to a house which is the exact opposite. To a conservation square in a small town. A town with 50 societies. A real mix of neighbours. I will still be on my own some nights. But I think I can adjust and I think there is a good chance of making new friends.

      I suppose my financial situation is different to most because despite a couple of ex wives I have enough to survive which means I do not have to live close to a job which in turn means I have (to a degree) a wider choice of location.

      Hey ho.

      When I was young the job market was in my favour. Had crap from a boss? Easy to move to another job. But now the powerful are getting the upper hand – too much so. It is going to end in social tears.

      • zoe says:

        Was this the house your girlfriend was really unhappy about you buying? Was this the house that she saw as not valuing the relationship because it was so remote from her? You were determined to buy it nonetheless. And your complaint is that you get talked over and not listened to. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion, TL.

      • T Lover says:

        No, wrong.

        Her home is in London. We were together when I spotted this house and later went to view it and she has been helping to sort it out.

        Logistically it is a problem. Her elderly parents live in Gloucestershire.

        The plan was to split our time between London and Scotland.

        For reasons I can explain but don’t want to, things have not been great for two or three months.

        Three weeks ago (she had been back a week after two away) we had a massive row. She had been on my back all day and had a few to drink.

        The present situation is: we have spoken. She is thinking about coming back. But within two weeks of the split she has met two new blokes. My wife covertly went on the pill – I had had a vasectomy. We split and got back together after 20 months but I could not put it in the past.

        I could not then and will not now get over the lack of trust. The girlfriend set up a new eMail account, joined a dating site. Sorry. Wife all over again. Not doing it. Why should I eat myself up wondering what she is doing?

        And, don’t laugh, told her if she thinks these blokes are better than me she is most welcome.

      • zoe says:

        So she wasn’t the one who objected to the house?

      • Fi says:

        Wasn’t this the one who lived in London and was much younger or was that another one?
        Which was the one that you fell out with on your walk in the dark when she wouldn’t leave you alone to fart privately?

      • Fi says:

        And is it your house in Scotland you are getting rid of or the one that is near your ex wife?

      • T Lover says:

        Fi, I have a thing about ablutions in private, no golden showers for me – but that is not what I said.

        She was always telling me what to do. A female process which, in my case my son says is very good for me. I think I said one day I would be on the loo and she would be sitting at the side of me telling me what to do. Yes, Fi, that’s her.

        And no, she is not much younger. Would you believe me if I said I don’t know exactly how old she is, I think 57. I told her the other week I didn’t know how old she was and all I got was a smile.

        And no again, for the moment I am going to give Coldstream a full time try. The Missus wants this house and will (75% chance) buy me out. She keeps her horses here.

        As for the oh dear, part of the problem is me but I am not going to be wondering what a woman is doing when she is awol and won’t pick up her ‘phone. So now she has been out with two other blokes in two weeks since we fell out my gut feeling is bye bye whether she wants to come back or not.

      • Fi says:

        But I remember you explaining that you were walking somewhere and you asked her to walk on but she wouldn’t etc etc etc although that one may have been the younger one that used to give you grief. But anyway you’re obviously successful in pulling them so onwards and upwards I’d say. Remember the plankton mantra – nobody wants a woman over forty and all older men are desirable to them so fill your boots 🙂

      • T Lover says:

        Sorry, Fi I am not interested. I prefer companionship – someone to look after and vice versa – before younger women.

        And I don’t have time to run around after women at the moment even if I wanted to. At the new house this weekend and probably next.

        Paint removal for a couple of days.

      • Ethel says:

        Hilarious, Fi 😀

      • T Lover says:

        Cheeky bugger, my hair is not grey.

      • T Lover says:

        I am fed up. What shall I do?

  • T Lover says:

    Had another dreadful day yesterday. My Secretary has liver cancer and has not worked since June leaving me to do my own typing.

    My pups are at that chewing stage. They destroy anything from the kitchen table to tea-towels. They seem to stress if I leave them and sometimes if I left for just a few minutes will pee or worse.

    You are desperate to get a job done. You go back to the office to find the floor covered in paper and in a corner – a dump.

    I tried a playpen but they jump out.

    I was late yesterday. I tried to make a call. The ‘phone had been cut off. I couldn’t call Vodafone. All calls barred. This is the third time in four weeks the last two because Vodafone had not matched my monthly payments to my account (changed bank accounts) so I went to the retail shop steaming.

    The reason? Someone had made a cockup and changed my plan. Normal bill – I use the ‘phone for work – £26 a month. This bill £415. All my landline calls had been charged at premium mobile rate. They told me I had requested the change. I was asked to stop shouting in the shop. Cut off three times in a month.

    I got back to work at 4.45. Stressed out of my brains. Every minute away worried what devastation was going to meet me.

    I spent some of the journey home chatting to/being lectured by a friend’s wife. She laid my personality defects bare.

    Chill, she said, otherwise I was going to have a heart attack.

    What to do woman wise. Why am I fed up? Is it the additional hassle I now have to face or is it the fact she is not here that I miss? She was bossy. And I’m awkward.

    So, after this crap day I chilled. Opened this bottle of cheap pink fizz that has been in the fridge since the ice age. Mouthwash would have been more exciting.

    At 11.30 I completed my new dating profile. Age? 99. Want children? Of course. Completed, I was given the thumbs up and “viewed” a woman who wanted to live in town and country. A Jock. She lived in London.

    All of a sudden the irreverent profile disappeared. Who, at that time of night was checking profiles? I bet if I had paid the fee they would have left me alone. They thought it was spoof. It was but with serious intent.

    Hey ho, I’ll have to think again. Have to get ready for Scotland. Cook – two fishing friends are going to have a slurp at the house tomorrow night – do a day’s work and drive to Scotland.

    So what’s the answer? Too much to do on my own. No woman to share the driving. Or tell me what to do when I am driving. I have to do everything. Go to bed on my own cold. And no central heating yet.

    All the hassle of finding another. The time wasted. Don’t want a quick knee trembler and on to the next. Want a proper woman.

    • Fi says:

      As requested, here are my suggestions:

      1. sort your house in Scotland out and move in.
      2. sort your other house out and flog to your wife (although I’m a bit confused now you’re talking about moving to the conservation square in the small town – is that the Scotland one in Coldstream?)
      3. leave the women alone for a while
      4. Stop moaning and complaining and try looking for the silver lining which all situations have.

      • T Lover says:


        I agree with absolutely everything you say.

        Were it that simple.

        I willbe there tomorrow, Friday, evening. All day Saturday and three quarters of Sunday. Two friends will probably be there tomorrow.

        Come and scrape some paint.

  • T Lover says:

    I am on my own. I am beginning to sound like Rosie. And at the moment, very, very low. I have lost a lot of time at work recently and am stressed. Very.

    I have three dogs, two of which I would not have had if I had known I was going to be on my own. Everything I do is governed by having to cart them round.

    If the wife cannot raise the dosh to buy me out (from Peak District House) in the near future or at least do a deal, I am going to have to face another winter here on my own. I can’t just abandon the place. I can go days without seeing anyone and weeks without seeing the sun in the winter.

    It is high maintenance. Ten acres. The garden is a nightmare not to mention my loathing of gardening. I can lose two days a week in the garden.

    I am trying to clear up my business. I have run it right down and am struggling without a Secretary. There are mountains of things to do to finish – I am highly regulated. And the girlfriend was going to help me – she is a dab hand with figures and accounts and very bright. There are weeks and weeks of things to do.

    I have two buildings in my pension fund. Sounds grand but the area has plummeted over the past five years. Nevertheless the builders are in one now (that was a factor in my break up) and I am trying to sort a top to bottom renovation/alteration.

    I wanted to move to Coldstream. 450 mile round trip every two weeks. At the moment I sleep in a sleeping bag on a mattress and work my nuts off during the day. Get home exhausted on Sunday nights. Mondays a write off.

    Add the stress of the money. Trying to fund these things. As anyone who watches these house programmes knows it always costs more and, at the moment I am a mile from the finish.

    Then the girlfriend. I have gone from delighted she had gone to desperate to have her back. Apart from the fact that things were so much easier to manage with her, I can’t face moving miles away on my own to start again. Or the thought of finding anyone who would come anywhere close to the bloody woman. Until recently, I would moan but the fact is we got on very well.

    Could not believe it when we met. She can speak three languages fluently. Half a dozen others to get by in. Was on the stage for years. Appeared in ‘Allo ‘Allo and other television and radio programmes. Later worked in the media, who hasn’t she met? Pilot’s license. Played the piano to an on stage standard. We could go for a drink and she would occasionally get everyone round the pub piano.

    Great raconteur. Great sense of humour – just brilliant.

    And best of all, charmed everyone from the dustbin man up. The neighbours love her. Friends love her. Sick of being asked when she is coming back.

    Lovely place next to the Thames. Could not have been better.

    The downside is/was that first, she drank too much. She could be a monster if she had had a drink. And wanted one every day. I can go days without and feel much better for it. But it was difficult if we are eating and she has a large glass and I have water. I had to tell her not to bring spirits to the house.

    Second, she liked to direct operations. I don’t like being told what to do all the time. Third, she would talk over me. Did that drive me mad?

    I knew nothing of her financial arrangements. Nothing apart from the fact she was comfortable and her elderly mother is wealthy. I never asked. I never looked.

    Nevertheless, she wanted a hand in all the decisions about my life. There are things I am good at, things she did beautifully. She called it a partnership but it did not look like that to me.

    My Pal says the end was inevitable. He thinks that we are both strong willed and there was no reconciling the areas over which we clashed. Like toning down the drink.

    Then there was her emotional needs. The end came on her birthday. We had a row in the street. Everything went wrong. She needs fussing all the time and I didn’t, she thinks I don’t care. I am so stressed trying to sort my life I snap at the slightest thing and she just needled me. Up we went. Off she went.

    But three weeks on there is a mega hole in this house. She has family she can stay with. A social life in London and has already gone for lunch with two new blokes. I am knackered, having to work like a bloody slave and so lonely I started to wonder if I had anything left. Wondering all the time where she has gone, has she gone with a bloke? She has already met two. She is “away”.

    So Fi, I suppose that in time I will get over the woman. Maybe. But whilst our plan is good the doing is not easy. It has all happened at the wrong time.

    Here is a story that made me laugh. My plasterer was telling me about his seventy year old Father. He has nicked the Thai bride from the neighbour opposite.

    • Fi says:

      1. This confirms that you are not an easy going person and that is what you would need a woman to be. And this one isn’t.
      2. Maybe you both like living in such a high octane way and could start again with her, but if so quit moaning about her.
      3. Personally I’d rather live without the stress, so assuming you do decide to ‘move on’ as they say…….
      4. Can you not just shut up your house for the winter and move north?
      5. If you can’t sell it to your ex, can’t you just put it on the market? Or rent it out?

      • T Lover says:

        The business is in Manchester so the plan was we would move to Coldstream, she would look after the dogs etc and I would work in Manchester a couple of days a week. What do I do now?

        The girlfriend has always gone mad when we have had spats in the past, phoning friends etc but this time silence and I know for a fact that she has been dating. So soon. Makes me feel great. She was a mess when we met and now she looks younger because in the round she has been happy here. Forgotton now.

        Yes, I can put the (Peak District) house on the market but peple come here for the views. It is a spring time seller and in the meantime I have to keep it maintained. And I am worried that if I move out the wife will move in and stuff my negotiating position.

      • Fi says:

        How long have you actually been with this woman? I get the impression not very long yet you are making long term plans with her. It is foolish to male any plans that depend on someone else unless you are completely sure that you are going to stay together. And as your friend says it was inevitable you two wouldn’t. God every posting here just about is about how much she annoyed you and you would have done the same to her. I too am amazed it lasted as long as it did. I don’t know what you should do next, but a suggestion would be to sort your problems yourself instead of expecting some woman to come in and provide ready made office skills/ dog sitting expertise for you. That way at least if it falls through you aren’t buggering everything else up too.
        What about just speaking to your wife too instead of all this stuff about ‘negotiating position’ – God! It is YEARS since you split up. Act like a grown up instead of being so combative all the time with everyone you know who doesn’t do what you want. Learn to be a bit more tolerant too and just let people be themselves. If you don’t like something someone does, and you really can’t tolerate it, let them go. Find something to be grateful for every day instead of something to moan about. If i was your girlfriend (not that I would be as I couldn’t stand your combative attitude and what you describe as ‘spats’ but I would describe as ‘tension and resentment fueled arguments’) I would have gone too. And that is exactly what she has done. She has moved on. She isn’t coming back. How do I know? Because this time as you say there is silence because she has finally finally got fed up of repeating a cycle of arguments and walking out and ignoring phone calls. How old are you? 14????????Until now you have not said anything complimentary about her at all, and in all the time you knew her you only had negative things to say about her. Now she’s gone it’s a different story. Well maybe that’s a useful lesson for you to learn too.
        My advice – sort your own problems out. Pay someone to look after your dogs, or find a friend who will, or take your dogs with you. Have an open cards on the table discussion with your ex-wife about the house and if you lose money on it but get it shifted sooner then so what, just do it. Leave your girlfriend, and indeed all women alone, until you sort yourself out and stop looking for them to be the solution to your problems.

      • Ethel says:

        Fi, thank you for putting into words everything I wanted to say to T-L. I can’t manage to reply very well at the moment, because I’ve been unwell for many weeks so life is an uphill climb every day.

        T, you need to be thankful for what you have got, rather than what you haven’t got. Like Fi says, pay someone to do the things you were expecting the girlfriend to do, and hire another secretary – there must be enough unemployed secretaries out there right now who would be glad of the work.

      • zoe says:

        @ Fi. Yes.

      • Fi says:

        Ethel. I hope you are not too ill. Hopefully nothing as serious as T’s secretary with her liver cancer who is causing him so many problems as result-
        “Had another dreadful day yesterday. My Secretary has liver cancer and has not worked since June leaving me to do my own typing.”

      • Ethel says:

        Fi, thanks for asking. It is not that sort of serious, as far as I’m aware. Could still be serious in a different way. I’m not being mysterious, I just don’t know at the moment.

      • T Lover says:

        Who has been in the knife box this morning?

        Secretary. I have carried on paying her ex gracia through her absence, money which I am beginning to find in shorter supply. The fact she is very ill weighs heavier than my problems but the simple point was it adds to the load. I did not get to bed till 1.40 last night/this morning.

        Getting another Secretary is just not a practical solution at the moment.

        The wife. I got the petition in July. Her Solicitor has not replied to any one of the four letters I have written. The house is the only asset to be divided. I have had a valuation. She will not accept it but has made no counterproposal. What do you want me to do?

        I am on good terms with wife one. Why the hell do you think I don’t want to bother with wife two?

        This other woman. I can expect help from her. The house in Scotland was being altered to accommodate her elderly Mother. My draft will provides that the house will be the girlfriend’s until she dies and as to the rest of my estate she gets 1/3rd of the income. Do you think I expected her to sit on her backside whilst I struggled?

        You know, it is sometimes wise not to throw stones until you know all the facts.

        How many fingers am I holding up sisters?

      • Ethel says:

        You know, it is sometimes wise to write all the facts if you don’t want people to throw stones at you.

  • Peggy says:

    I think Fi is representing a lot of people on this thread and it sounds to me as though for all the complaining TL has been a bit spoilt. Yes there are the problems with ex’s and solicitors and money and long hours and and and and ………. but the people on this blog who’ve not had those exact same problems are in an extreme minority. Man up.

    • Fi says:

      Yay! What T really wants to hear is “poor you, none of this is your fault, women are unreasonable, and all your expectations of them are utterly reasonable despite their provocative behaviour towards you”.
      What T would do better to hear though is “you are where you are as a consequence of your behaviour and actions. If you don’t like where you are then change the way you behave and the actions you take”

      • Peggy says:

        ….. or, you lie in the bed you make for yourself! we’ve all had screw ups and difficulties but the art of those is to take the positive learning and don’t screw up in that way again

      • Fi says:

        To be honest it sounds like T has had a pretty cushy life – no bankruptcies, homelessness, poverty, major illnesses. In other words serious problems which you can’t call not having anyone to do your typing or look after your dogs are. In fact if T thinks thy are hard problems it underlines how easy his life has been

      • Peggy says:

        well everything is relative to your frame of reference. So for now lets accept that fact and stop laying into TL. To my mind the points have all been made and any further slaps will just be superfluous to requirements.

      • T Lover says:

        Just in. I was awake at 2.00. A sash slapping the frame in the wind. I was up at 3.30 stripping paint. Dead on my feet. In just before 9.00 tonight after a 225 mile drive.

        Spoilt T Lover has had one foreign holiday in 26 years. A week. I do not have a passport.

        What is wrong with you Fiona? Have a go at someone else.

        One thing that has upset me is the allegation, your allegation Fiona, I can’t man up and speak to the wife. OK, I am going to bare my arse in public. You, Fiona, apologise.

        I get home from work to a note which says she has gone to Fred’s with his birthday present and she might stop for drink.

        Mondays are the preferred evening to disappear so I go to Fred’s. She is not there. At around 11.00 she comes home and is unable to explain. We have a forthright discussion culminating in the wife going to her Mother’s.

        I am unhappy. I don’t know, Fiona, if you have ever been in this situation. You know your wife was away shagging. Who? What is going on?

        The next day – maybe the next – she parks up in front of the house and goes to sort her horses. I go to her Land Rover, I want her mobile.

        She screams across the field with the result my neck, arm and back are scratched as she tries to stop me getting her mobile. Worse, she bites my hand and will not let go. Fiona, I have photographs which I could show you. My hand looked like a piece of meat. My parting shot: I’ll have you for this.

        That evening the police arrived. I had assaulted her. I spent six hours in custody. Of course it was balls. The police conceded she was unmarked. I was still wearing my torn clothing. My hand was a mess. She was unmarked.

        If you think I am going to talk to that cow and I am not a man for talking you can go and get stuffed. You ought to be careful before you have a go.

      • Fi says:

        Do you ever at all consider that the hassles and problems you have in your personal relationships just might be related to the way you speak to people and your attitude? Along with a refusal to consider that maybe you have any part to play in your problems? A sense of victimhood combined with an element of aggression to whoever doesn’t behave as you want them to? Now you’re doing it to me too.

      • T Lover says:

        Fi, I will ask in a different way. One thing at a time. I have to act like a grown up and speak to the wife. That’s what you say. I am not grown up.

        What you didn’t know was that there was a good reason to avoid having any contact witth the wife.

        So am I being childish now you know the reason?

        And there is nothing to talk about. The top and bottom lines of the valuation were £100k apart. I offered her the lower of the two. She has a Solicitor who has not answered correspondence since June.

        What would you like me to say?

        And has it ever crossed your mind that the problems I have had with my daughter flow, at least in part, from the fact my wife is duplicitous and manipulative?

        If someone lied and had you arrested you would be grown-up would you?

        I wish I could show you the photographs, Fi, but looking at the tone of your recent comments I have no doubt it will still have been my fault.

      • T Lover says:

        And this is another embarrassment – the answer to your question about my attitude and aggression.

        My Godmother once said to me I came from a long line of difficult people. My Father’s Mother did not speak to her Sister in Law from the end of the war until her death 10 years ago. Nor to one of her own sisters.

        Recently, I have become more irascible to the extent that a couple of friends have been concerned. The result is that by one of those strange coincidences I had the humiliation of speaking to my GP before I read your comment this morning and have been referred for calming down counselling.

        This is not to say that one cannot be cross about someone who has no idea what has been going on making dumb personal comments about being spoiled, acting like a child and the like.

      • Fi says:

        I believe you when you say your wife bit you etc etc. However i would be extremely surprised if there wasn’t a history of verbal aggression and tension and anger towards each other for a long while before climaxing as it did. And that is the bit that you are overlooking but I am not I’m afraid as these things don’t appear out of a vacuum. And from reading you for the last few years, including your examples of how you deliberately do things to wind your girlfriend(s) up for entertainment and say offensive things to people that annoy you (and they always seem to be women as you frequently begin with ‘the trouble with you women…..” or something similar) I can see how you end up in these situations. When faced with the choice of calming a situation down, showing someone you are listening to them and showing them respect and respecting their feelings, you consistently belittle and insult them, ignore them and dismiss their feelings. I’m sure you are the only person here who doesn’t understand why you are exactly where you are. So while it is extremely entertaining when you recount your stories about how annoyed you are and how offensive you are to people, I find them really funny, they are funny in the way Victor Meldrew is funny. But nobody would really want to put up with that in real life unless they were mad.
        And all I suggested was that rather than refuse to leave a house in case you lost your negotiating position, you should try to reach an amicable arrangement with your ex-wife. If that isn’t possible, fair enough.

      • T Lover says:


        But, why am I childish? Spoiled?

        I try to be honest – I bare my bum unlike you. What went on in your marriage?

        I am Victor Meldew. So? It does not make me a wife beater, spoiled, childish or anything else you want to you want to throw at me.

        If you think every human being ought to be bland, the same, vanilla whatever you are going to be disappointed.

      • Fi says:

        Here goes. You are childish because:
        1. You see the world from an ego centric viewpoint. While theoretically you know you are but one person in it, you really are just focussed on yourself and you can’t or are unwilling to understand anyone else’s perspective which is a necessity in ANY interpersonal relationship. They don’t think like you, or agree with you, therefore they are wrong.
        2. Having decided they are wrong, you then use that as a justification for bad behaviour yourself by telling yourself that you wouldn’t have done x if they hadn’t previously done y. In other words you do not acknowledge that regardless of how other people behave you still have a choice as to how you decide to respond to them, and in fact it is an element in demonstrating maturity that one is able to pause between provocation and response to decide on the most appropriate response rather then just giving a knee jerk reaction. People who are in control of their emotions have more successful relationships because at times it is necessary to not respond to provocation and indeed unwise to do so. (see example you gave of taking your wife’s phone). Someone who can’t control their emotions also comes across as a bit unhinged and lacking self control and unpredicatable. You won’t get people on side.
        3, You have obviously been pandered to for a great deal of your life otherwise you would have had this behaviour knocked out of you a long time ago. People would have just walked out and although some have either you are completely obtuse or some people have tolerated it longer than they should.
        4. The fact that you think treating other people with respect is ‘being vanilla’ or being ‘bland’ – well there you go. You will either get women who are used to being treated badly, or women who think they can get you to treat them better before they realise they can’t and move on.
        5. Spoiled because for god’s sake, what problems have you had? As mentioned before if you had been homeless say, or living in poverty. or having your home re-possessed, or a major illness, or sacked from a job and not known how you were going to support your family (although it wouldn’t surprise me if you HAD been sacked from a job at one point for your attitude to be frank) then you wouldn’t be complaining as you do about the most minor incidents as though they are major ones.

      • T Lover says:

        Fi, thank you for your analysis.

        I am in awe of your analytical prowess. How, on the thinnest of facts and without meeting someone, you deride a personality so.

        I will take your advice and talk to the wife. I am looking forward to growing up if not to the thought of another false allegation leading to who knows what.

        And whilst it is true I have not had a life threatening illness – thankfully, a cold is serious episode in my life – I have never been sacked. Sorry to shock but there we are.

        And thank you, thank you, for the chance to offer myself as a target for your rotten fruit by baring the minutiae my life, my misogynism to your scrutiny because, truly, it is helpful when you land a rotten egg on my nose.

        Can I ask you something? Some men believe women will swear black is white rather than admit they might be wrong. True?

  • Mezzanine says:

    …..everything will work out ok in the end I’m sure :o)

  • Fi says:

    Maybe drop her a note or phone her first to check when it is convenient for her for you to call in so you don’t catch them off guard wondering what you are doing there. And if you are worried about escalation take someone with you. However as you are going round to have an amicable discussion about what to do with the house (as opposed to taking her mobile phone off her) it may be perfectly civilised.

    • T Lover says:

      It may be but it won’t because they are idiots.

      Don’t get cross with me for saying that, I’ll explain in a sec.

      My best line is to tell my son who then tells his Mother.

      I resolved never to involve the kids but she does and the boy passes it on mixed up with the odd bit of gossip.

      He loves his mother but is quite open about his view. The pair of them are barking and have no grip on reality.

      I do not want any one to one conversations/meetings with her. Friends all said don’t ever be in alone with her again because she makes things up – a dangerous individual.

      So when I made her a financial offer, what, a year ago I said if she wanted to talk I would agree to mediation.

      My daughter is just the same. Example. I needed to deliver an official/divorce type letter and because the last time I tried the wife’s boyfriend kicked off in the street I drop letters at my Daughter’s place.

      An aside. Why not post? Because she lived in a semi rural location with no house number on the door. I tried to get a proper address couldn’t.

      So, I drive up to the Daughter’s which is on a bend in a narrow road, stop twenty yards away out of sight and the girlfriend walks to the door with the letter whilst I turn the car round.

      It took less than a day for the allegations to fly. Apparently, I spent time hanging about outside the house making a nuisance of myself. This is what my own daughter says about her Father.

      This summer the girlfriend was working in the garden. Unbeknown to her the wife arrives complete with boyfriend to go riding. As they go by the wife clocks the girlfriend and nearly falls off her horse. She he has this control thing and is used to the girlfriend hiding inside when she (the wife) arrives to do her animals.

      That night, the boyfriend hand delivers a letter which says – I know you won’t believe me – would I do the civilised thing and keep the girlfriend indoors whilst my wife is around. The wife is particularly upset to see the GF doing “her” garden.

      Fi, she can get lost. I want nothing to do with her. She is at the back of my daughter problems too.

      And Fi, I don’t like your comments but I do know I am not the easiest person and to make a relationship stick I will have to change.

      And Fi, on the remote chance you might turn up at the weekend I took a laptop to show you that some of the more bizarre episodes in my life and in fact true. And some bloody pictures

      • Fi says:

        What does your lawyer say you can do then if she won’t buy the house for the price you want to sell it at?

      • T Lover says:

        I do not have a lawyer. Before you say get one there is no need. The picture is quite simple.

        I have assets which are not “matrimonial” assets and which therefore do not fall to be divided equally. So does she.

        She is not going to get a slice of my non matrimonial assets (house in Scotland, other property in Manchester etc etc) because there is no need to do so as she has assets of her own. Half an Aunt’s house, now half her Mother’s house, cash etc.

        The only asset which is to be divided 50:50 is my home which because of its age (17th C) and location (10 acres in the Peak National Park) is impossible to value. My valuer said he would expect to get something between X and Y a difference of £100K.

        He also said he would be disappointed not to get half way between X and Y – someone would split the difference.

        £X is the cheapest valuation I could imagine dropping to.

        My offer was to drop to X, let her move in and to pay me when she has sold her Mother’s house.

        I also said if she had a problem with that offer (what could be more reasonable?) I would talk in the presence of a third party. I am afraid a one to one discussion is never going to come about.

        Add into the mix the fact her Solicitor used to be a family friend but will not now answer letters, add in the fact the house and garden take a lot of keeping up (this summer I have replaced four windows and all the gutters) the whole thing is a pain in the bum.

        There is a further factor and that is my daughter. I am trying to play everything in a non aggressive straight bat way because the Wife winds my daughter up about her unreasonable Father and – as I mentioned this morning – the daughter is happy to reciprocate.

        It’s a pickle.

      • T Lover says:

        Sorry, the answer to your question is that I can force a sale on the open market. Both children are away now, both married in fact.

        The wife cannot force me to transfer the house to her.

        I ought to make an application but then again I know that will be another nail in the coffin of the relationship with my daughter.

      • Ethel says:

        T, if you can’t do right for doing wrong… why not just put the house on the market and get rid…?

        You could, if you were inclined to, make a complaint to the Law Society about the wife’s solicitor not answering letters. But that probably will only get you further into trouble with your wife and daughter of course.

      • T Lover says:

        The views from here are lovely, this is a house which will sell in the spring.

        So my intention is to make an application for an order for sale, so as to put the pressure on her, but do nothing about it ’till the spring.

        In that way I could get rid of other problems. Eg. I am trying to do up a small office. I then have to moe into that new office. If I had sold the house – although it will take months – I would have a base to travel to and from rather than have to do it from Scotland.

        It is all a bit of a conundrum.

        Fi is not the only person who has said I have to have a change of attitude, so she is right to that extent. The pointed things she has said are good for me. If all the flack helps me to change , move on or hold down a new relationship well it has done me a favour.

      • T Lover says:

        What I meant was if I had not sold the house I would still have a base…

  • Peggy says:

    Fi and TL there is obviously a lot of ‘feeling’ between you two. Please will you just get it on, you’re probably quite a good match, Fi – you take no shit, TL you do (albeit eventually) seem to hear what Fi is saying. Can I buy a hat 🙂

    Now bury it.

    • T Lover says:

      Stop stirring.

      I tried to persuade anyone who is interested to meet up, particularly Fi who must live only a stone’s throw away.

      She is not having it.

      Which is probably a good thing because, despite all the compliments Fiona has paid me over these two or three days, has done a complete about turn and wants to come back asap.

      If I could have avoided the question: how do you know Fi? so as not to have to explain my compulsion to write nonsense on this blog – find a good excuse in other words – Fi would have been welcome whether the girlfriend was there or not.

      They probably, Fi and the girlfriend, would get on well because they both obviously think I am a brain dead emotional idiot

    • maria says:

      Don’t you forget about me. I’ll go all the way to Scotland if you two get together.

      • T Lover says:

        Brill, it would be lovely to meet you.

        I have been thinking about how to manage things less stressfully ie whether to leave the house in the borders for a while ie whether I will have liveable accommodation for a while.

        I can’t deal with everything down here and sort Scotland.

        So I’ll have to see how I can work it out. But it would be lovely to meet – there are a number of commentators who seem really nice.

        She spoke to me for an hour and a half yesterday after a grumpy start.

        I am probably going to take a weekend course on interpersonal relationships which makes me feel a bit of a fool but if it makes me a better and happier person I’ll bite the bullet.

  • T Lover says:

    Well, it hasn’t worked out.

    I drove down. I was late. The first thing she said: why didn’t I call when I got to the 3044? Second: where are my flowers?

    She then got hold of me and wouldn’t let go ‘till I left which was a bit of a nuisance as it was a warm night.

    But whilst she was obviously upset, cried a lot, at one stage to the extent the tears were soaking her top, she consistently said her heart was telling her one thing her head another. It was so hard without me but she couldn’t take the bickering.

    We walked the dogs and went for a drink. We went back to her place. She had said she would cook but all we had were packet nibbles. She had a couple of glasses of wine and the atmosphere deteriorated. That was my problem. I can go five or six days without a drink. She likes at least a couple of glasses of wine every night – these two were on top of a pint and a half of lager in the pub.

    She then starts to nit pick. Little, inconsequential things but it can be constant, she wouldn’t let them drop. It was a perfect illustration why it won’t work any more. But why has it changed? We used to get on so well.

    Come the morning I had to hit the road. She would not let me go. Tried to seduce me. Had to move to get home by midday. She had food, a thermos cup and so on ready for the journey.

    As we talked by the car she just sat on the fence. I wanted to know where we were going. She was over me like a rash – clung on to me – but there was a barrier, she didn’t know about “us”. She was so sorry.

    So I said I couldn’t live like this it was unhealthy. I was going to walk away. I left and as I reversed she mouthed “I love you” through the car window. I shook my head.

    I thought that’s it. I will not call her again. I reached Lichfield. The mobile went it was her. Had I just ‘phoned? No. Someone had called, it was (like mine always is) a withheld number and she could hear traffic noise in the background. Not me I’m afraid. She was just making an excuse to call.

    She talked for half an hour. More or less said she was making a mistake. She called again after I landed in Buxton. She was out for supper last night. I got drunk and fell asleep. This morning I had a message – she had tried to call late on but had I turned off my mobile? I had but lied.

    We spoke again this morning. I pointed out that I had been tired for months. I had tried to stay cool when she needled me but she has driven me to snap from time to time. I don’t like her drinking habit. She has changed my lifestyle since she arrived in my life. She had done it again the night before – we had been fine until she started drinking. I cannot understand why things have gone wrong after such a good start and so on.

    She suggested some arrangement about phoning again today, I did not understand what she was suggesting. A maybe I’ll phone, maybe you phone if you want to. I turned off my phone again. If not I come in from the garden to look every ten minutes so it is better just to turn the thing off.

    Anyway, here I am on my own again. It’s pitch black, up a remote bloody hillside, no woman, no phone call and my head in a spin.

    • Fi says:

      Oh god. The drama! The trauma! She obviously thrives on it. And you do too to an extent – all those disaster stories you recount- but gah it’s so draining and exhausting isn’t it? Is it really better to live like that than be on your own?

      • T Lover says:

        I think women are better at coping on their own than men. I know I was better with her than now without at least that is what I would have said three months ago.

        But what I can’t get my head round is why there has been this major change in our relationship. I don’t understand.

      • zoe says:

        “But what I can’t get my head round is why there has been this major change in our relationship. I don’t understand.”

        It’s no big puzzle. The relationship is damaged. She is now deeply ambivalent about whether she should be having this relationship at all. A good part of her is saying she shouldn’t. Having reached that point, there will always be a voice in her head wanting to tear the relationship apart – a strong impetus to destroy it. That’s what happens.

      • zoe says:

        What I mean is: that voice will be sure to make itself heard. Any opportunity – any lapse on your part, any reversion to behaviour that is seen as problematic, any hint of a past hurt – that voice will be there. Insistent. Unrelenting. (“he didn’t call, didn’t bring flowers, you see, he doesn’t care … he’s picking on you about nothing – you see, it’s hopeless…”). It will provide a background commentary that may not always be audible (there are other voices) but will always pipe up given half the chance – making unpredictable, volatile and destructive appearances. And when it makes an appearance it takes you by surprise (“I cannot understand why things have gone wrong after such a good start”), but in truth it’s always there now, waiting, wanting, needing to make itself heard. And my guess is, bar a major change or commitment, that it won’t let up until it’s had the final word.

      • Fi says:

        People are what they are, and that is exactly the same wherever they go with maybe only a tiny fluctuation in their behaviour. The mistake you are making T is thinking that something happened to change her from the (normal) person she was before. In reality that was the abnormal best behaviour version, and now she knows you better she is just being herself. The way she will have been with other men before you, and will be with men after you. Because that’s how she behaves.

        Here’s another way to look at it – you have repeated the same behaviours all the time with women. We all do, from who you are attracted to (in your case demanding woman who challenge you), to accepting behaviour that you’re used to but might cause other folk to run away (in your case arguments and tears and passionate make up sex and maybe throwing plates) and so I think you’ve probably conducted this relationship in a similar way to the one you had with your wife, and your girlfriend will do the same with all her men.

        This is normal for you both really. Just like the fight with your wife where you snatched her phone and she bit you.

      • T Lover says:

        Zoe, Fi thank you.

        Zoe, your explanation is very perceptive. I see exactly what you are saying.

        Fi, I agree. In my defence I can see the way I react to some situations is wrong – both with her and in business. Consequently, I am going to take this course.

        I think one of the things that might have upset her again is (Zoe’s point) is the fact I cancelled the course yesterday intending to take it next month at a much more convenient location. She may have taken it as a lack of commitment.

        However, the real worry is: what do I do now? Will I ever find a woman who suits? Do I want to go through this trauma again? Can I cope on my own?

      • Fi says:

        to be honest you can only change yourself. It is up to her whether she changes her behaviour. So the question is do you want to stay with someone who will continue to behave as she does because that’s how she behaves in response to certain provocations. You don’t make her behave like that and you aren’t responsible for it.
        Look at the women you have been involved with and identify what commonalities they have – for example it strikes me your wife and girlfriend are both quite demanding and highly strung and (from my perspective anyway) emotionally unstable. Why do you pick them like that? Is it because you think it makes them more interesting? Does it?
        If you decide to find someone else as you know there are plenty of real women (as opposed to internet dating women) around. Why not try managing on your own (in fact your apparent reluctance to manage on your own may be a factor in why you settle for poor behaviour), move to Coldstream then meet women in the flesh.

      • zoe says:

        @Fi, “internet dating women” are real women too. They don’t “come from” the internet 🙂

      • Fi says:

        Ha. 🙂
        I meant women that he can get to know in the flesh and see how they interact with other people, meet their friends, see them in different circumstances to see if they are really compatible rather than invest time and emotions in gettig to know someone that he has only interacted with in one dimension ie on the computer.

      • Fi says:

        Only because I think t is a bad picker, not that there is anything wrong with internet dating.

    • T Lover says:

      First, it is not fair to blame her in the sense that I can now see why she is so upset (being told eff off on her birthday) how I have over-reacted (telling her to eff off on her birthday) and how she feels it will never be right (telling her to eff off every time she winds me up).

      She now knows what she has done to wind me up (not a lot in my present state of mind) but this is not to say she is any of the things you imagine.

      Every neighbour, every friend asks when is Mrs T Lover coming back. The majority add that they like her very much – the 88 year old from the next door farm swoons.

      Her marriage lasted seventeen years until her husband’s death. She stuck by him despite alcohol addiction problems. Those facts alone must tell you something.

      The population of the town in which I work is 55% Asian. Asian alone. Now my secretary is fighting cancer I can go to work and not speak to a soul all day except of course those recorded messages telling me to take money from the banks. I never meet women. The odds on me landing another woman without the internet are zero.

      I look at friends’ wives. I can’t think of one I would choose for myself.

      You Fi, are far more sociable but if, like me, you live “quietly” up a hillside in the back of beyond my odds on a suitable woman are ….long.

      • Fi says:

        I don’t think you’d mentioned telling her to “Eff off” on her birthday and every time she winds you up. In which case she has my sympathies entirely. Every time I think I might be becoming a bit more sympathetic to you, you go and provide a bit of information that frankly makes me wonder why anyone puts up with you at all.

        I’m not going to comment any more on your screwed up relationships as I don’t want to waste any more of what life I have left thinking about them. You, her and your ex-wife all appear to think you live in a soap opera.

      • Fi says:

        Sorry that wasn’t very nice of me and I shouldn’t have said it 🙂

      • T Lover says:

        Fi, I’ve been giggling – don’t worry.

        I started to compose a response along the lines it started when her Mother gave me a dose of the pox….

        If you bare your backside in public you have to accept it will be kicked.

        I appreciate the kicking. I haven’t a clue about women. Tonight she loves me. Last she wouldn’t pick up her ‘phone.

        She is a good girl – maybe not for me – but it is T Lover who deserves the kicking.

      • Fi says:

        Really……I’m not getting involved anymore.

      • Fi says:

        Although to be fair to her, if she spent 17 years with someone with alcohol and drug problems (I’m assuming you meant his not hers) and all that that must have entailed, then i can see why she thinks an angry, intolerant, offensive middle aged man is manageable. 🙂

      • T Lover says:

        Who knows what she thinks, she is a woman.

        Have you seen the Geffen version of the Little Shop of Horrors? The sadistic Steve Martin Dentist (Fi) to the masochistic James Balushi patient (me)?

        Well, no daily Fi pain is too much to bear. Please, please, please keep on beating me up, Fi. Stay angry.

        I dream. You, wearing a horned hat at the controls of a demolition crane swinging that enormous ball through the domestic reputation of anyone who gets in the way of your preconceptions about their lives.

        You never used to be like that. I’m the angry one?

      • Fi says:

        Ah I see what’s happening here. As I have become more irritated by you and more vocal about it, you have become more attracted to me.
        I have begun to fulfil the same role that these other (mental) women in your life have.
        However I am too clever for you and am not pandering to your twisted masochistic streak anymore.

      • T Lover says:

        More Fi, more. A root canal without anaesthetic. Yes, yes, yes – orgasmic.

      • Fi says:

        Never a truer word spoken than when in jest

      • T Lover says:

        I may not be as clever as you, Fiona but one thing I have learned is not to be judgemental until you have both sides of the coin and certainly not until you have met the person you are judging.

        And something I have picked up recently is that you are increasingly quick to jump to a conclusion – often the wrong conclusion.

        So, I have begun to wonder if you are OK. Worried whether you have made the right decision about work? Another problem? I hope not.

        You shouldn’t refer to someone you have not met as “mental”. It is not nice.

        Her husband did not have a drug problem.

        “angry, intolerant, offensive middle aged man”. Not nice that was it?

        “I think t is a bad picker”. Now you say I am attracted to you. Which is it?

        “for example it strikes me your wife and girlfriend are both quite demanding and highly strung and (from my perspective anyway) emotionally unstable”. A remarkable conclusion in the circumstances.

        “You see the world from an ego centric viewpoint.”

        “you really are just focussed on yourself and you can’t or are unwilling to understand anyone else’s perspective”.

        “You have obviously been pandered to for a great deal of your life”

        “you consistently belittle and insult them, ignore them and dismiss their feelings.” Isn’t that what you are doing to me?

        “How old are you? 14????????”

        Fi, I have put up with this barrage of insults put up by someone I have never met in a good natured way.

        Settle down. This is not the real Fi is it?

      • Fi says:

        Well I would counter with – Why are you putting all this one sided stuff up about your personal relationships, constantly criticising your ex-wife and girlfriend for their behaviour and seeking sympathy? Which admittedly I haven’t given you.
        But that’s ok as I am not going to comment again on any negativity you express towards them. 🙂

      • T Lover says:

        Fi don’t duck and dive.

        There was a hint in one of your comments about your health.

        I don’t mind what you say about me – some of it is true, not all but some.

        However you have gone a bit further than bluntness in some of the things you have said and I was wondering if there is a problem in the background.

        Apart from your problem with me, that is.

      • T Lover says:


      • Fi says:

        I’m fine. I was at the cinema watching a film about a dysfunctional family 🙂

  • T Lover says:

    How fo you get that worm out of your head?

    You love and want someone but the realationship is over?

    How do you face being on your own – having to make a new life?

    Suppose the answer is to man up but as you get older it’s increasingly difficult.

  • Mezzanine says:

    T – it’s not about manning up, down or sideways. It’s about working with your feelings and not against them. Baby steps are a good start. Sit down and write down on a piece of paper what you want out of life. Work out what is not working and file it or bin it. Then work out what is right and what makes you happy, not anybody else, YOU! Then plan where you want to be in a week, a month, six months and a year. Make it happen. Leave women alone until you have a roof over your head and your life is more settled then date, date and date some more. Make use of friends for a shoulder to cry on and a to have a belly laugh with. Why don’t the last remaining contributors on this blog make a date to meet up next year – get Xmas over – and put faces to names and see how we get on face to face rather than anonymously on this blog. Dare you!

    • T Lover says:

      Thank you.

      Men are different to women in the sense that they think differently. Very.

      And of course when you re-tell a domestic incident you only have to miss a detail and the advice differs.

      Writing things down and adding it here is, for me, both cathartic and useful. Sometimes, I get a reaction that makes me think. Oddly too, I often feel better for writing things down, it makes me feel stronger even if Fi scores a direct hit with a tomato.

      I am not sure about your list though. I make targets only to be completely sidetracked. My “Goals” are hopeless.

      My fear is loneliness. I am living here alone, a friend described it yesterday as “remote” although that is not true in the sense that the Peak Park is surrounded by population centres.

      I get on well with my boy (he will be here in a couple of hours to help with the front gutters and back for a meal tonight) but if I move to the Borders I am putting 225 miles between us. I have pretty much no family. I worry that my drinking will increase.

      And the list might change. Example: the things I enjoyed five years ago like salmon fishing are now not so enjoyable, for some reason I have lost interest.

      My guess is that spare folding will be tight, so if my list included a trip by tiny boat and with dog down the French canals things like that will not be possible because my kids will have to be subsidised.

      Sorry to be so negative.

      This business of a meeting. I would have enjoyed meeting up. I think there are still people in the background who read but do not comment and might be interested. It is the practicalities.

      That was why I offered my house. The likes of Jill would not come up from Dorset. If she surprised me she would need somewhere to stay. Maria from Portugal? I tried Fi a couple of times but she has not risen. I would go south. I suggested north because I knew a couple of people were nearby and I could make an accommodation suggestion but there was no real interest.

      I think the better bet would have been a Skype call at least to start – you can join several people in one call. But that suggestion crashed as well.

      I have lived apart from the wife for six years three months. She issued a five years apart petition in May but done nothing else about it.

      Now the girlfriend is off the scene the wife has started gardening again. I know it’s November but was that a cuckoo?

  • Fi says:

    Honestly T, this is the exact same stuff about your love life you’ve been writing about for the last 2 years. People have given you advice, dropped off the site, and new people have joined and given you the same advice and you haven’t made any changes in all that time.

  • Mezzanine says:

    I’d take a wild guess that T is at a cross roads in his life and the last 2 years has been the journey to this point. I can speak from experience that it is bloody hard work to make the changes especially if you are on your own. You want the comfort of the old and dependable but know you need to move on and start afresh. It’s scary. Loneliness is a killer. I’ve known that feeling and made friends with it. I’ve worked with my depression not against it and it works. I’ve been stuck at that cross roads, scared to move but then I’ve taken that leap of faith. All of us have the right to love and be loved. You just have to know what you want and what you can put up with and what you can’t put up with and walk away when things are not working.

    • Jill says:

      Having been reading the recent posts, I have been at a complete loss (unusual for me!) as to something constructive to say. But hurrah for you, Mezzanine. If I may, I would very much like to second what you have said.

  • Mezzanine says:

    Thank you Jill, much appreciated :o)

  • Peggy says:

    Meeting up ….. west of Stoke on Trent, east of Nottingham = almost slap bang in the middle of the country south of the Peak District? I’d be interested.

    • maria says:

      Sorry, Zoe, are you talking to me?

      • zoe says:

        Yes, Maria

      • maria says:

        This was kind of a big deal here, last week.
        Portugal is no different from the rest of the world. 50 year old women are considered subhuman old bats, no one wants to f*ck anymore. Well, maybe 80 year old men would do the sacrifice.
        I never really cared about sex anyway, so it doesn’t bother me. Besides I find 99% of the men my own age repulsive. Just the thought of it, yuck!

      • T Lover says:

        What to say?

        The neighbours above have a big, close family. They work hard. Stick together.

        The neighbours below are odd. She leaves for work early, comes back late. He is self employed and works evenings and weekends. They are close, they seem to be, but pass like ships in the night. If I want company I can always persuade her to have a glass of wine.

        The next lot, I don’t know much about. They have browned off all the neighbours with their arrogant attitude. The neighbour below calls them “the shits next door”.

        Further on still are a late middle aged couple with three children. Nothing fazes them. Their grown up children have mixed lives. One having financial problems, another single in a bedsit with no job. They are always out, concerts, something to do with the church, whatever. Happy as Larry. But the husband admits that he will be lost if his wife dies. Probably sit at home on his own ‘till the end of time. His wife is the organiser.

        What does make people happy? Fulfilled?

        If you are unhappy, Maria you seem to have these low spells, what would cheer you up? You seem so negative.

        You never know, even don’t fancy nooky might be a bonus. There may be someone who likes you, wants to be with you but doesn’t want/can’t have sex. Or can you make a more fulfilling life on your own?

        Come on, cheer up.

      • maria says:

        I’ll tell you what would cheer me up, T: to be able to leave my fucking job. God, I hate it, but I can’t afford to leave.
        Re getting together with someone, I couldn’t give a shit, I do fine on my own. I don’t miss sex, never really liked it.
        It’s the fucking job that’s driving me crazy. I can’t stand children anymore, and their fucking crazy parents!

      • T Lover says:

        I know exactly how you feel. And as you get older you realise how barmy many people really are.

        Something changes. I used to love my work but not now. I have hated it for years but there is something in my cautious make-up that stops me doing much about change.

        I am just reading a biography of Willie Donaldson. How I wish I could have had his attitude. Bankrupt three times. Debauched. What a life. But I have inherited the wrong genes.

        On your deathbed, when you look back on your life, will you regret carrying on in teaching? Is your work performance suffering? Perhaps it is time to get out. Things always work out for the best.

      • maria says:

        T, are you kidding? Where am I going to find another job, now that I’m old? Around here, after 35 you’re old and I’ve been doing it for 27 years.
        Will I regret it in my deathbed? I regret it already. I don’t think my performance is suffering, though. In fact, I think I do it now better than ever. It just is so fucking exhausting, but leaving is not an option, unless I win the euromillions lottery.

  • zoe says:

    I think we should have a christmas masked ball. Then even P might come.

  • zoe says:

    @ Maria: “I can’t stand children anymore, and their fucking crazy parents!” I’m sorry, Maria. This really made me chuckle!
    @Tlover: “Something changes. I used to love my work but not now.” Yes, I was not expecting falling so comprehensively out of love with my work. Unlike you, TL, I couldn’t go on doing something I so didn’t want to do, so now I have to deal with the consequences….
    “Things always work out for the best.” Er, not they don’t. Not necessarily. That you don’t really believe that is evidenced by your own reluctance to take the chance….

    • Fi says:

      “It’s the fucking job that’s driving me crazy. I can’t stand children anymore, and their fucking crazy parents!” 🙂
      “Unlike you, TL, I couldn’t go on doing something I so didn’t want to do, so now I have to deal with the consequences….” Me too Zoe and that’s why I took early retirement, and am now looking at doing something else. What did you do?
      I think it is normal to get to the age (when there are more years behind you than lie ahead of you) where you evaluate where you are in life and whether your life makes you happy, and then make changes. I think this is what people rather derogatorily call a ‘mid life crisis’ as though it is a bad thing, when actually I think it is an extremely positive step – it isn’t about buying a motor bike and leaving your partner (although those things can happen if they are part of the changes you want to make in your life) but isn’t it completely normal to realise that life is too short to keep doing stuff that doesn’t make you happy and then die? That if you want to grab that last chance to something different, maybe something you always wanted to do, then now’s the time to do it?

      • zoe says:

        Fi, it took me aback. It was quite unexpected this falling out of love. It’s interesting how so many seem to feel this, and yet somehow we were never taught to take it into account. But I agree with you that it’s about more yesterdays than tomorrows. I worry for those younger than us who are now taking on massive mortgages in the expectation that work and their desire to do it will always be there – doubly so if it depends on two committed incomes and a partnership that HAS to be maintained as a consequence. I have always worked freelance so it has meant that I just don’t take on the work. I would say that I have lost more than the money – again something I wasn’t really anticipating. But still I prefer it to doing a job I have lost my heart to do. And I have taken on a mon-fri lodger, which is very weird…I’m just about to meet a friend for a drink, aged 55, who quit his very well paid job yesterday. Same thing….

      • Fi says:

        I think it is really very common. After all we change and mature as we get older and our priorities change so it is reasonable to find that the things that we value change too. Plus we maybe did something to earn money to pay the mortgage or raise the kids, and now we don’t have to so we ask why should we continue.And no matter how much we love our jobs at the start, isn’t it reasonable to think that after 20 or 30 years we are bored of them? Another trigger I hear a lot is people saying that things “have come full circle” i.e. that they have been in a job so long that they see initiatives that failed come back in again and they just (like Maria with being sick of crazy parents and awful children) can’t stand the pointlessness of it anymore and are fed up of being told they are ‘negative’ for not jumping on the latest bandwagon. And people getting near to retirement age and questioning whether they want to spend all day every day when they retire with someone they have maybe only spent an hour or two a day with for the last 30 years. Because often two people don’t change at the same rate and in the same way. Really, I’m surprised ANYONE stays with the same person or in the same job for decades really. But we do. It is totally unreasonable to assume that that is the norm though.
        We are very lucky that we can consider personal fulfilment when making decisions though as some people don’t have that luxury.

  • J says:

    I hope that I haven’t missed anything obvious, but do we know why the person who started ‘The Plankton’ didn’t continue with it? I’ve been very distracted by difficult family/legal problems linked to my Mum’s estate this year and have probably missed what happened.

    I hope that the answer is that, despite her expectations, she met a wonderful man and no longer qualified as ‘Plankton’.

    • maria says:

      J, we don’t really know what happened to Plankton. She just stopped posting almost a year ago. Me, Fi, Zoe , T Lover and some others liked it so much that we keep posting comments, but the blog is dead, really.

  • T Lover says:

    Miserable here. Damp. Misty. Dark.

    Meet up suggestions have crashed and I ain’t having a masked ball for one – me. A bit too camp, could I wear my Balaclava?

    Seem to be living in a time warp at the moment. My Secretary has a terminal diagnosis – 55. Work that should have been done – money in to pay the bills – is in limbo because I can’t motivate myself. Libido has crashed. Becoming teetotal for days at a time. Going to bed early.

    Need something to spark me up again. But what? Lost all drive. Enthusiasm.

    • Fi says:

      When I feel like that I just continue doing what I can and wait for it to pass. Maybe go away for a few days and get a change of scenery.

      • Ethel says:

        I feel much the same. It’s due to what I call winter-itis. Seasonal Affective Disorder etc. As Fi says, try to just ride it out. With the added bonus of ill health this year, my intention is to hibernate and try to keep going with little jobs at home that are within my energy levels.

      • T Lover says:

        Oh no, not you as well.

        Perhaps we should ask St John’s Amulance if they would enjoy a masked ball and have an air ambulance standing by.

        Fi, I had a sort of change of scenery last weekend. Paint stripping in Coldstream. I locked the front door to stop neighbours dropping in for a nosey. Bah humbug.

      • Fi says:

        That’s not really what I meant – that’s just doing chores in another house. Go away and do something different and pleasant

      • T Lover says:

        Where then?

        Somewhere exotic?

      • Fi says:

        Doesn’t have to be. Go somewhere that you can do whatever you like doing whether that is looking at art galleries and museums, walking, swimming etc. Visit friends. Go out for something nice to eat.

  • Vaso says:

    Christmas is coming … it’s suppose to be full of joy and happiness! Does anyone feel as miserable as i do?

    • T Lover says:

      Yes, me – turns out she’s being doing a trick for another bloke whilst in London. Brill. Head up exhaust.

      • Fi says:

        But what about her mouthing she loves you in your rear view mirror?

      • T Lover says:

        Yes, you tell me.

        She is here now.

        I am in the kitchen on my own unable to turn of this television in my head. There they are. I can see them at it.

        It’s all been a big mistake – apparently. Trouble is I think the mistake is on my part.

      • Fi says:

        there’s the drama of the ‘shall we give it another shot or not’ stage to go through followed by the tears and sobbing and regrets on her part of ‘why did I do it’ when really the relevant question is ‘why did i tell T?’ (before remembering that of course she would tell you as it would all be a bit boring otherwise) before you both sadly agree to part (again), then start up contact again mid week before spending christmas together where she has a bit too much to drink then you both remember she’s been seeing another man and an argument begins etc etc etc cue tears and drama again.

      • Ethel says:

        Lol… beautifully summed up, Fi 😀

      • Fi says:

        Thank you Ethel. Would love to take credit for being able to predict the future, but I think anybody on here could easily do it. 🙂

      • Fi says:

        please put me out of my misery. How did it end?

      • T Lover says:

        My tale just shows what Henry Halls it is – this I can’t get a man nonsense. I’m in a relationship with someone in her fifties who managed it within two or three weeks of our split.

        There are some facts I know, some things unanswered, I wake up in the night turning over the unanswered in my mind and worrying about the worst question of the lot: will it last? Too much damage done?

        Fiona, we can’t go through our virtual relationship like this. You have missed the target and Ethel thinks it is “LOL” which it certainly ain’t.

        I know some things are absolutely true because, for example, her sister has told me or (shamefully) because I have seen eMail when her back was turned.

        So: I tell her to sling her hook on her birthday. She eMails my son to say she is very upset. She eMails me to say can’t we give it a bit of time? Can we talk? I respond badly, I can’t remember.

        We don’t talk. She tells me it’s over. She tells friends, family.

        I go to London. She is over me like a rash but keeps saying she does not want to come home, then she says she does. Up and down like a bride’s nightie.

        After another week she made an almost snap decision. She’ll be back this evening. For a trial period.

        Then she goes home for a few days. She is as good as gold. On the ‘phone all the time.

        Then, the week before last we are in the car when her eyes go wet and she says she has something to tell me, she has had a fling with another bloke. Why did she tell me? She shows me a text in which he says he is writing to me to tell me what she has been up to.

        I start calm but get more and more worked up. In the early hours of the next morning I ask her to leave and she spends the rest of the night in her car in a car park.

        Early the next morning she is back wanting to talk. I did not let her in the house. That morning at work – at work mind you – comes five pages from the bloke from which a number of things shine through. And some which broke my heart. My marriage effectively ended when I caught her on the pill. Have the relationship gods got it in for me?

        What was obvious was that this man is an arse. That she had ditched him. He was very miffed. He had chosen to maliciously make the world drop from my bottom with five pages telling me what they did together, including the bedroom fact.

        So, her take is “we” were over. She wanted to start again. She was lonely and upset. We were finished. Her sister says she was horrified the woman jumped into another relationship so quickly but is adamant her relationship with me was over.

        On her tablet there was an eMail she has just deleted. I wanted a copy. It was to a friend on the friend’s birthday and bringing her up to date.

        She had been seeing a man in Derbyshire – me. How she ached for me. Her mind was in turmoil, she was being mentally beaten up. But she was absolutely determined it was over. She had met a man but it was all innocent, they had been to a concert and for a drink. Three or four paragraphs saying she was trying to make the best of what was for her, a very unhappy situation.

        She upstairs in bed now.

        I am having a sleep problem and am in the kitchen again. I have television in my skull. I can watch them at it. He is a teacher at a prep school in Twickenham. I Google his name and loads of photographs appear. I can now even see his face.

        She has brought loads of clothes, obviously intending to stay. But the skull television won’t switch off and there is worse. He has ‘phoned here and insisted on talking to her. This idiot delights in telling me how he has fucked my woman. They have “unfinished business”. He says he will call again. Both of us are uptight about it and he won’t let me forget.

        So Ethel, laugh out loud? If you had as many broken nights as I have done you might not find it so amusing.

        My mindset now is to see how things go but to keep a weather eye on the woman market.

        She is a different woman. A week ago she marches me into one of those shops and buys a toy. We have a joint together at the weekend – until ten days ago I had never had a cigarette ever. And she is insistent on some, what shall I say, innovative practices in bed. The Friday before last three firsts. Three things I had never done in my life before.

        Head is spinning.

        BTW. Before you say it, she had no idea what to do with the toy it was obviously a new experience.

      • Ethel says:

        T, if you check back, you’ll see I said LOL in response to what Fi had forecast, not anything that you had said.

        And if anyone knows about sleepless nights for months on end, I do, due to illness this year.

        But thank you for taking your unhappiness out on me. I need it. I really do.

      • Fi says:

        Thank you for the update.

      • Fi says:

        Sorry to hear that Ethel. Poor health always puts other things into perspective.

      • Ethel says:

        Thank you, Fi. Poor health does indeed put everything else into perspective.

      • Fi says:

        I just can’t help myself……..how did this other bloke know who you were/ where you lived to write to you/ your name and number to call you?

      • T Lover says:

        She says she told him she had just come out of a relationship, told him my name and what I did for a living and he looked me up on the ‘net.

        She said he saw my name and address on a pedigree (one of the pups, the one she has kept) and got my home address.

        I was going to complain to the school that one of the teachers, a role model, had written a spiteful letter both to my home and my work but the Headmaster told me over the ‘phone it was not a school matter.

        I wondered what had been going on after we parted but was happy to think the best until I saw his text then the letter. Now I am full of self doubt. Why get involved so quickly and with an obvious idiot?

        The saving grace was the eMail to her friend in which she told her exactly what she has said to me. She was determined to end it between me and her yet on the other side of the coin was having sleepless nights thinking about me.

        How I ache for a vanilla relationship..

      • T Lover says:

        Ethel, sorry big understanding. If I had known you were having a belly laugh at Fi’s prediction that this unhappiness would kick off again at Christmas I would have been rolling about laughing with you.

      • Fi says:

        ‘How I ache for a vanilla relationship..”
        Yeah right. You love it – the tears, the begging, the running after moving cars, the sleeping in car parks after being thrown out in the middle of the night, the passionate make up sex, the drink, the dope, the jealous ex-s, the trying new ‘experimental’ things. You love it all. The only problem for you is that you can’t contain it as well as you want to. However you are now addicted to the thrill of it all, and a relationship with anyone else would seem totally boring. Which is quite good as both of you can continue in this way forever until one of you goes over the line – in her case probably taking an overdoes of pills to get your attention (at which point you will realise just how screwed up this relationship is) or you will completely lose it and find yourself doing something you really regret (probably hitting her after she has taunted you one time too many about how her other lovers were better in bed than you after you’ve both had a bit too much to drink), and again you will totally panic about what kind of relationship you are in. My bet is though that all her relationships end up like this (note this is a bloke she hardly knows at all yet she has a) picked another lunatic and b)divulged all sorts of personal information about you) and yours end in arguments too so you’re probably both well suited with neither of you being a doormat to the other. But as you both love the drama and fights, things can only escalate and this sort of stuff become even more the norm.

      • Peggy says:

        Fi, Oct 27 post???

      • Fi says:

        Peggy – what do you mean? there are a number of posts on Oct 27

      • Peggy says:

        This one – “I’m not going to comment any more on your screwed up relationships as I don’t want to waste any more of what life I have left thinking about them. You, her and your ex-wife all appear to think you live in a soap opera.”

      • Fi says:

        I’ve realised where I’ve seen a relationship this before

      • Fi says:

        Peggy – I’m not giving advice though and I’m merely observing the soap opera, and I’m not therefore annoyed by someone choosing to live like this.

      • Peggy says:

        righto. Just seems to me as an occasional observer that every time TL fans his feathers you respond. Again, just an observation, but this seems to fuel his fire and perpetuate the constant analysis and retrospection of events and disable and progress forward. I could be wrong though, I often am :-\

      • Fi says:

        not only are you right, but you’re also much nicer than me 🙂

      • T Lover says:

        Cheers Peggy, Fi.

        The thing is Fi, that in your haste to have a pop at my life you regularly imagine “facts” that don’t exist.

        So, I try to explain but before the ink is dry on my keyboard you are back at my throat.

        It is a noticeable fact that absent me no-one bears their backside as to their personal life. Why don’t you tell all?

      • Fi says:

        I don’t feel any compulsion to broadcast private and personal details to all and sundry. Any problems I have I think I am well equipped to deal with myself, and on the odd occasion that I seek other opinions, then I go to the one or two people whose judgement I trust.

      • T Lover says:

        Why not? This is an anonymous blog.

        Who the hell will find out it’s you?

      • Fi says:

        it’s nothing to do with anyone identifying me – it’s that I simply don’t feel the need to broadcast personal information like a scatter gun to anyone who is in the vicinity. It’s called self restraint and it is nobody’s business except mine.

        Also I’m perfectly capable of sorting out things myself without having to canvass the opinions of people I don’t even know and who don’t know me, some of whom have shown frankly extremely dodgy judgement themselves.
        If I wanted to seek the opinion of other people I would go to people with specific knowledge or whose judgement I trust e.g. I would ask Maria about holidaying in Portugal. I would ask you about sex toys and dope smoking. (only joking on the last one 🙂 )
        The more pertinent question might be why do you think you’re entitled to know more about me than I want to share with you.

      • Peggy says:

        My personal life …. happily ensconced in a deeply gratifying, rewarding, equal and hugely sexual relationship thanks x

      • T Lover says:

        Fi, I don’t know what to say.

        You ask a question, I try to give an honest answer.

        You spice up the facts and invariably come to the wrong conclusion.

        Then you pour your bedpan over me splashing the contents in the process over the soap opera you say my life has become.

        But if I ask you to open the door a shade so I can peep into your life, even just a little, it is suddenly a no no. Was your relationship history a Hello dream? I guess

      • Fi says:

        1. you have divulged all sorts of stuff here over the years, yes, years. Thats why we know about your fights with your ex-wife, your problems with your daughter, your dislike of your mother in law, your rudeness to strangers. You willing tell all this stuff, my guess is because you like an audience.
        2. You do say I am wrong but perhaps you can highlight where I have been in error.
        3. I don’t have a problem either sharing relevant personal information, or answering personal questions if relevant and pertinent, what I do have a problem with is verbal diarrhoea where I am expected to open my mouth and pour out a load of personal drivel in response to people’s nosiness. However, if you want to know 3 things about me then ask away and I will endeavour to answer.

    • Ethel says:

      Yes, me. When you have no family it tends to put a different slant on things.

      • Vaso says:

        Loneliness is all too hightened right now! I actually wish Xmas could be cancelled! It’s too depressing!

    • maria says:

      I hate fucking Christmas!

      • Fi says:

        That’s a surprise! 😀

      • june says:

        Ive never liked Christmas and to be honest i think lots of people dont, they just have to pretend they do. And i dont think its got anything to do with not being in a relationship. Friends i know who are in one dont like it either, Wish people would be more honest about it, and not go through all this pretence. I read the other day the most popular christmas record was the Fairytale of New York by the Poges and Kirsty McCall, Think that says it all.lol

      • maria says:

        Why Fi, what do you mean? I’m such a sunny, optimistic person!!

      • maria says:

        Hey June, it ‘s been a long time. How are you doing?

        Now, where is Lydia??

      • Ethel says:

        I expect Lydia is smugly sunning herself on her private island… 😉

      • june says:

        Yes im still about still on own and sort of resigned to it now. whats the point in being anything else. Still sitting the dog, he loves me, my friend has partner and sometimes i think she adores the dog more.lol.

        Seems most are all still in same situation, but what hell can any of us do, about it.Still pop on dating site, total waste of time, but you never know, tried the odd social group but too clicqy,people all desperately showing how they love the single life! and they dont.all a bit pathetic, rather not bother. Did did try the Living without Family site last year, good god it made me more depressed i felt quite fortunate after reading some of stories, at least i have friends some of these people seemed completely and utterly alone. One woman told me off because i said i had had a meal out with a friend, she said i shouldnt be on the site! as i was always saying id met up with a friend or been somewherelol I did think hmm these people seem to be completely alone for a reason.So maybe we are luckier than we realise.

  • J says:

    Yes, I do.

    My parents both died at Christmas; my Dad actually died unexpectedly in the middle of Christmas Day itself.

    I find this time of the year utterly agonising.

  • Vaso says:

    I’m sorry to hear that! The thing is about loneliness though is that you can be surrounded by people but deep down you’re still lonely and miss that deep connection with someone!

  • Vaso says:

    Yes of course you are right! I do pray and I feel selfish for doing so! I know from my own experience even people with partner’s can fee very alone! It all depends on your circumstances. I would say that i would rather be alone and lonely than being with someone and lonely! Does that make sense! At least if you are alone there is some hope that you will one day not feel lonely!

  • Peggy says:

    As a suggestion, all men head east, Russia and the slavics look to be a good place to stop over, sadly us women should head for Saudi, China or Greenland.

  • Fi says:

    Sorry T – I am being an arse.

    • Peggy says:

      Oddly, you two appear to have a typical (if somewhat unconventional relationship) ongoing. Being an arse occasionally is just part of the gig, as is waking up at 5am and regretting it. People only react if they care, that might be care for the other persons well-being when they sense the other is in error or care for themselves getting hurt. Please will you two just meet up?

      • Fi says:

        That would be a nightmare. Can you imagine how it would be in real life is this is what it’s like where all we do is communicate in writing? I’d be throwing myself out of windows or in front of cars to get some peace and quiet while he’d be standing behind me pointing out the ‘problem with you women’

      • Peggy says:

        As I said — a typical relationship — lolx

      • Fi says:

        😆 indeed

      • T Lover says:

        Fi, I was advised to write a letter to myself by the nurse who stuck a bloody great tube up my arm ten minutes after being told the great news she (the girlfriend not the nurse) had been shagging an away fixture.

        I didn’t tell the nurse I had already been doing that for years – on this blog.

        My way of dealing with things is different to yours. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

        It is funny though, only last night I was thinking you are exactly like me. You have a pop because something I do annoys/frustrates you and spend miles of column doing it.

        I have told you when I would be in Scotland and (I think) told you last time my son would be with me in case you thought the object was not to shoot the breeze rather to get you to drop your finger trappers.

        You didn’t bite. I don’t like medieval libraries either. So bugger off.

        PS. You are not an arse.

      • T Lover says:

        And on the subject of women – what a sly two faced lot.

      • Peggy says:

        As in Janus — beginnings and transitions, but not sly

      • T Lover says:

        Peggy, delighted to hear you are popping socks.

        Will you have a word with Fi? I think she’s sulking.

      • Peggy says:

        Ah my dear TL how little of the female kind you understand. She’s not sulking merely recovering and building her reserves for round two, can’t you hear the bell clanging, any minute now it’ll be seconds out.

      • Fi says:

        I’m not sulking. I am simply getting on with my life. if I have nothing to say I say nothing. Only T with his highly dramatic and egocentric view of the world would assume that my absence from these pages is due to sulking rather than say because I’m meeting up with friends, going for lunches, visiting the cinema and playing my ukulele.

      • T Lover says:

        Fi, don’t mention playing your ukulele round here – a lot of people would get the wrong impression.

        What’s more there was a time – a time before the red mist decended to colour your vision – that your radar would have instantly picked up “sulking” was a leg pull intended to get you to pop out of your lair.

        And what if I do have an egocentric view of life? Just what is wrong with that?

        Peggy you can’t count. Were you to use all your pinkies and all your tootsies you would not have enough to count the times that Fiona has come out for another round. I am just a bruised, unwanted male.

        And just where is Rosie when I need her most? Can’t Scott wade in with some tactless sexist remark so she could use up her dragon’s breath on him and spare me?

      • Dragon's breath says:

        Dragon’s breath – I like it. Nope, I LOVE it. Thank you.

        What happened next then? Where is she now? How many tears were shed/ orgasms achieved/ doors slammed?

      • T Lover says:

        There is no door slamming.

        I can’t get it out of my head, it is at its worst early in the morning.

        Orgasms? I am finding anything in that department difficult because the thought of what she has been doing with someone else is like a maggot in my brain.

        Just don’t know what to do. It is just horrid

      • T Lover says:

        Just the same today.

        She is getting ready for Sunday – twelve neighbours coming for Christmas lunch – as though nothing has happened.

        I wake around 6. First thought. On my skull telly there they are at it. I have to get up because if I lie in bed I start to dwell and then get upset.

        If I could understand why she felt the need it might begin to help.

        Or why this fuckwit, a teacher, wrote a five page letter to my work (it was not even addressed properly to me and marked “private”) when he had my home address and why was he so spiteful and malicious he had to write it at all?

        Bloody women.

        The way things are going I will just bide my time and see if I can do without a woman or keep a weather eye open for a substitute. I am pretty sure she will scrike if I get rid but I can’t beat myself wondering what she is up to every time she goes to London. Can I?

        Oh, and June. Don’t be alone, ask the neighbours for lunch. Sit the ones that don’t get on next to one another. Relax and all will come right.

      • Dragon's breath says:

        Honestly T here are some of my thoughts which may be helpful or not:
        1. I understand it is upsetting for you. however I am amazed this hasn’t happened to you before as I can’t imagine there are many people in the world who haven’t been in this predicament at some point. So while you are not doing anything unique, the comfort in this is that actually you aren’t doing anything unique. Do some googling to find out ‘whether your relationship can recover from infidelity’ and it will come up with advice that gives you something to consider.
        2. She wasn’t actually unfaithful was she as you had both ended your relationship although you don’t seem to think so. Why don’t you?
        3. I think she is the email version of you i.e. a woman who would rather be with someone, anyone, than be on her own which is why she managed to find someone and end up in bed with them within what? a matter of days of thinking your relationship was over?
        4. There is something odd about her giving out your personal details to her next bloke. I mean who does that? I’ve dated blokes without knowing anything about their last relationship let alone their previous woman’s name. I have never given away the names of any of my previous men. It is weird that she did, let alone give him enough info about you to track you down.
        5. He is obviously odd to go to all the trouble to track you down from the info she gave him. I mean she wasn’t married to him and having an affair with you which is really the only time I can imagine someone doing such a thing.
        6. She must have done something pretty mental to him to get this response from him – either that or he is genuinely bonkers – because someone normal, while feeling slightly pissed off, would just shrug their shoulders that their new person had decided to give their ex another try.
        7. At best she has bad judgement (accidentally picking someone so odd to have a relationship with).
        8. Yep she is over it now and wants to move on and doesn’t really see what the fuss is. Because that’s last week’s drama not this week’s.

      • T Lover says:

        In haste, she is in the room next door. Don’t want to get caught.

        Break-up in September to mid October. I can understand she thought it was over and looked for another bloke. She is a widow. Husband died in flat. She does find it difficult to be there on her own.

        Mid September. I say we have made a mistake I will come down to London for a talk. She says she has gone away. Lie. It is just gathering momentum with this bloke.

        Week later she says come and see me. End of that week I go down. No mention of bloke. All over me like a rash one minute. Not sure what to do the next. I leave in the morning she says she does not know what to do. I say OK I will go home, not doing this again and that is that.

        On the way home she calls and says she is desperate – she is coming straight back. I say she has things to do I have things to do leave it till the following weekend.

        That six days she sleeps with him two/three times. She says because I was still giving mixed signals her mind was all over the place. News to me. The Monday she came back I knew something had triggered an immediate change of mind. She became decisive – said she was coming straight home. Was on the road within a couple of hours.

        One thing that really hurt was she screwed him that same Monday morning.

        I am now a monster. I check her phone. One big positive was an email she sent to a friend in which she said – I paraphrase – “we” were over. She was not coming back – which to a degree explains the other bloke but she was desperate. Couldn’t sleep wanting me, thinking about me. Head in space but what could she do? It was over.

        It’s that last few days I can’t fathom. The things she had to do included helping him to move. Out for lunch with him. Shagging him. Etc.

        She got shot of him right enough – another thing I don’t understand – because I am sure she had given him the hard word yet shagged him again. She had definitely told him bye bye but why screw him the day she came home? His own letter makes it clear she had said she was coming back to me.

        And if anyone thinks I enjoy this – I don’t. I don’t want to touch her, I feel dirty.

        And I don’t understand these women who say they haven’t had a bloke for years. Watch mine operate.

        And this teacher boy. I don’t know him from Adam. Why scramble my head? Letter to my office. The bastard.

    • Dragon's breath says:

      “I can understand she thought it was over and looked for another bloke.” Especially as she doesn’t want to be in her flat on her own. Of course you can.

      The rest of us are a bit choosier though and that is the explanation for why women here are on their own – they want someone that is right for them as opposed to just anybody that is of the right sex and breathing. And it also explains why you don’t understand how it’s possible for women here to be on their own because it is a concept you don’t understand. Even now you are wondering whether you should “just keep a weather eye open for a substitute”. It is not clear whether you will keep her while you’re doing this but even if not, it seems it’s any port in a storm just about rather than none. It stands to reason that if you can’t be on your own then you will settle for what woman crosses your path that vaguely meets your requirements. Even if just to fill the gap till somebody better comes along.

      I haven’t got anything else to add though as a) you had split up and b) being a desperate kind of woman she was shagging both of you while she decided which one she was going to keep as c) she had to keep one of you because she can’t exist without a bloke.

      And I bet that had you met another woman in that time period and were shagging her and the first one came back, you would do the same thing if the opportunity arose while you made your mind up which one to have.

      Your problems with women all seem to stem from the basic need to have one, any one. And this leads you to hook up with totally unsuitable ones.

      • T Lover says:

        The reason it’s 2 in the morning is I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep because I can’t get it out of my head and I know if I lie staring at the bedroom ceiling I will start to scream.

        Either I have to get rid, or, if Icling ro the wreckage and put what has happened in the past. I am too weak to do either so this relationship will rust until it finally breaks.

        Read the Blacker biography of Willie Donaldson? Good fun.

      • Dragon's breath says:

        I think it takes a while for your emotional response to settle. Give yourself a few more weeks before making any decisions about what to do

  • Peggy says:

    Actually don’t. Watching the two of you is what keeps me returning periodically. If you two met up and realised you were destined for each other there’d be nothing much left to watch. Unless scott came back to the fold!

  • Peggy says:

    Random question: anyone here know much about culture change towards a greater Followship/Servant Leadership model? Just thought I’d ask

    • Fi says:

      Never heard of it. What is it?

      • Peggy says:

        In essence its an approach to culture change and leadership that suggests a bit of role reversal. Managers/leaders required to be a bit more humble and those under them a bit more engaged and accountable. You never know what people’s backgrounds are on here and I’m now trying to articulate to a client that essentially their managers are arrogant techy nerds and their workforce a bunch of whingy windbags and perhaps they need to shake things up a bit…. in short

      • Fi says:

        I’d just say it like it is and remove any ambiguity. But that’s me. 🙂

      • Peggy says:

        Tempting, but I quite like being engaged to this account, the shortcut approach would jeopardise that so instead I’ll wrap it in cotton wool and put a ribbon around it too.

  • Odense, Denmark says:

    Odense, Denmark

    Its’s so much positive energy around me again. I haven’t felt like this for months, maybe years. And now when they broke up and she calling me to get back together and all..WOW I am so happy.all thanks gose to d.rrivershebalisthome the spell caster who help me out if you need his help also contact him email address.d.rrivershebalisthome@gmail.com thank you so much doctor

  • Mezzanine says:

    I know it’s nearly Christmas but I am stressed. It’s just one day of celebration but the lead up for this ONE day has been manic. Why? Why do we do it? Why do we, or should I say I, allow ourselves to be manipulated to such a degree that we end up unhappy? Tell me how you cope because I’ve lost it! Merry Christmas everyone. I really hope 2015 holds better times for everyone suffering, to whatever degree, stress. Xxx

    • Dragon's breath says:

      This year for the first time ever I am spending christmas day on my own instead of tagging on to somebody else’s idea of christmas. That means I have ignored christmas and not put up any decorations or a tree, and will simply shove twenty pound notes into cards for my nieces and nephews instead of buying gifts. Grown ups don’t get any. All I actually have to do is buy something nice for me to eat on the day and I will then settle in for a day (first time in 30 years) when I can watch tv and potter about doing what I want instead of watching children arguing and people getting stressed about things not going to plan. And in the evening I’m going away to stay with friends. Looking forward to it although it may of course turn out to be a massive anti climax as everyone is warning me it will be. But I do at least have a number of offers of tagging on the end of other people’s dinners if I change my mind on the day and don’t want to sit at home feeling sorry for myself. Which is what may happen.

      • maria says:

        Fi (or should I say Dragon’s Breath),don’t you spend your Christmas with your children? Around here not spending it with your family, even more so if you have children, is considered nothing less than sacrilege.
        I’m going to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my sister, her husband and my nephew. Not really looking forward to it, since they always seem to choose the day to argue.

      • Zoo Keeper's boots says:

        Don’t be silly, come here. Enjoy the view and the worst cooking known to man.

      • Fi says:

        Well…as nobody with family or friends is really allowed to spend Christmas on their own, I’m having to give in and spend the day with folk. Which is nice and all that, and very kind of them, but one of these days I hope to be able to spend the day doing what I want to do, rather than what other people want me to do. Anyway, everybody have a lovely time.

      • Ethel says:

        If you have somewhere to go, be grateful. Not everyone does and it can make it a very lonely time.

      • Fi says:

        I know. I’m grateful. There but for the grace of god etc etc etc

  • Fi says:

    T – how are you/things now?

    • T Lover says:

      Cheers, Fi. Thanks for asking.

      And Happy Christmas to you and to anyone who is alone and lonely.

      The answer to your question is: things are mixed. Every second day I have a fit of depression. We rowed so much on Saturday she went to a hotel for the night.

      The key is me, I suppose. Do I want to have another go? Trust? If I do I have to forget the past and look forward.

      The upside is she is as keen as mustard – is making a mega effort.

      Come and see us both in the New Year – give me time to make up an excuse. Who the hell is this woman will be the question I have to answer.

      • Mezzanine says:

        Tell me something? Are you sticking with her because the thought of looking elsewhere is too daunting or are you prepared to put up with stress and drama for the rest of your natural?

      • J MUSKETT says:


      • Fi says:

        I bet that T stays because he would find anything else boring.

      • T Lover says:

        September, She is driving me up the wall, nag, nag, nag. And she goes home because her stepdaughter is working in London and wants a bed before going back to Madrid and that irritates me because as far as her late husband’s family are concerned, I don’t exist.

        Finally, in late September I tell her to sling her hook, Her version amounts to this: I told her to ‘eff off. I refused to talk. She tells everyone it’s all over and from that point on she was a free woman. My version: I sent several text messages mid October saying we were making a mistake. I was going down. But she lied and said she had gone away. Would not pick up ‘phone.

        Common ground: she met this bloke at about the same time and had not gone away – she had just started to see him.

        We eventually spoke at the end of that week. Floods of tears but two days later was as cold as ice again.

        End of October I say had enough, am going down to sort things out one way or the other. She says no. Then changes her mind. Held on to me (literally) from the moment I arrived.

        Next morning she is still not sure what to do. I say: OK I am off, that’s that.

        She then calls while I am in the motor and flip flops. Says she is coming straight home. I say hang on we both have things to do leave it for a few days. Her version: she was in turmoil. Would anything change? I loved you but although my heart said go back her head said nothing has been sorted.

        Course, I did not know about this bloke she had just started to screw.

        So, she says she is coming back the following weekend after the dog club. I get huffy because the dog club is trivial compared to “us” but what happens is – the things she has to do – include helping this bloke move, takes him for lunch and fucking him three times that week including the morning she eventually drove north to me.

        There are some odd facts. I believe her when she says she had not slept in the same bed that last night, she had put him in a spare room. It is also true we were both still huffy because I wanted her to make an effort and come home early and that Monday morning there was still no definite decision about coming home and when. She says she thought it was not going to happen, so, whilst she had not intended to screw him (hence the separate bedrooms) one thing had lead to another before he left for work.

        We then had a rather tense three weeks before she announced I was about to receive a letter telling me this teacher boy had been screwing her. He had taken the hump because he had been ditched.

        In the early hours of the following morning I suggested she should leave. She claims to have slept in the car. She turned up again around 8, wanting to take one of the dogs she said was hers and then went to London.

        The next day she was back and we have lived together since. I am now at her parents’ in Cheltenham for Christmas.

        There are a number of unexplained facts. Every day something picks at the scab. My head has been scrambled and I have no idea what will happen. No idea at all. This sore may drive us apart because I won’t let it go. She is constantly telling me she is sorry, what a mistake it has been. But it only takes the slightest thing to kick me off. Wednesday I opened the glove box in her car and there was a shopping list he had written out for them. And so on.

        I now root through everything. The one thing that has kept me sane is an eMail she sent to an actress friend in which she set out in detail what had happened in September, how she missed and wanted me so much but how I had told her to sling her hook and how she had to be strong and end things.

        So what will happen? Lawd knows. At my age do I want this trauma? Shall I cling to the wreckage? We are both past our best and the last thing I want with everything else going on at the moment is to start again – try to find another woman.

        Women are much better at being on their own than men. It is a fact, Fi, that with the right woman behind me I am a better bloke and less of a slob. And it can be bloody lonely at my place up a hill.

        It is also true that she is the best woman I have had a relationship with, by a mile the best. My mate took her for a pint last week after work. His verdict? She is terrific company.

        Stop there. I was up at 4 fretting. It is now 6 in the am. She fucked this bloke – a completely unsuitable idiot – three times after she said she wanted to come straight home leading me to think that was exactly what was happening. I can’t cope with the stress of sleep deprivation and jealousy.

        There have been changes on both sides. On mine I have started to look at other women in a weighing up sort of way, something I would never have dreamed of doing two months ago. My local pharmacist, Fi, is 6 feet 3 and I was just thinking last week what lovely legs she had and then thought of you.

        That might be the clue to the end don’t you think?

      • Fi says:

        1. Rushing to make a decision is not the way to go. Most things sort themselves out with time. Don’t make a decision now, just let the situation ferment a bit longer and it will resolve itself without you having to do anything. Either you will find you can live with it and the relationship issues will be resolved or you will know in your heart of hearts you can’t and will willingly let it go. Otherwise you will make a decision you clearly can’t yet make and will regret it. There’s no pressure to do it (other than the pressure you are putting yourself under) so just let it brew until the time is right and the answer presents itself. If you ignore a lot of problems they eventually go away or fix themselves.
        2. Until you take responsibility for the things that happen to you in your life you will keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. You knew she was volatile, that your relationship was volatile and that you are volatile. As far as I can see your entire history of relationships are one volatile relationship after another. What did you expect – a woman who would sit at home knitting when you ditched her?
        3. You sound pretty confrontational – like you’re trying to punish her and catch her out in lies and she seems to alternate between dramatic breast beating and wailing and on the other hand acting as if nothing has happened. I would have thought that if you were both going to fix this then you would be hurt but want to understand her reasons because you cared about her and, while not liking what she did, you wanted to understand her thinking and wanted to fix your relationship, and she would be caring towards you and want to make you feel better. Neither of you are doing this. In fact both of you seem to think your individual selves are more important than the relationship or the other person. A starting point could be just being nice to each other and leave the subject alone for the next few weeks. Just because you think things doesn’t mean you have to say them to her.

      • T Lover says:

        Oh Fi, what to say. You are pretty much right. As usual.

        The speed took my breath away. I wish I had had a quid every time I was told she was a classy woman, she would not be shagging around – she would take her time, let things settle. How wrong that was.

        Him. What a prat. I have spoken to him. Read five pages of his spiteful letter. Seen the damage he has done doing “repairs” at her place. Why did she throw herself at him? And while it was going on claiming to have sleepless nights and telling friends she thought of nothing but me.

        Women are a closed book as far as logic and reason are concerned.

        Today, there are a number of scabs to pick. He has called her whilst she has been at my house. That wound me up. I am 100% sure she has told him to sling his hook but the calls went right up my funnel.

        Then came his Christmas card. She has a flat in one of those modern blocks overlooking the river. He has a friend in the same block. The card sends information about a Scottish stone circle, his Christmas itinerary, his new mobile number. Best of all says he will see her next time he visits his friend. As though it is business as usual.

        So how do I cope when she goes home to London on her own? I like my own space but I bet jealousy coating separation for even a couple of days will kill us off.

        I look and am critical. I look for things I don’t like. She has some veins I had not noticed. Has put on some pork round her bum and legs. This is not me but I am looking for shallow reasons not to like her any more.

        Hey ho. Moaning, writing this nonsense helps me find a tad more perspective. I talked to a professional and was going to go on a weekend course on relationships in general. This chap said the first step is to realise you are a decent person with self esteem. When I am in that frame of mind I feel a lot better. If she prefers him to me she is welcome.

        I’ll shut up now. Sorry.

      • Fi says:

        I have to say it all sounds very odd – the card, the itinerary. Is she encouraging it for excitement or is he just extremely stalkerish?

        Here is another thought – whenever you think anything at all about it, just resolutely turn your thoughts to something else rather than letting your mind dwell on unpleasantness. It won’t make it go away but it will minimise the effect on you. If you sit and go over and over it in your mind you will feel worse. It is a choice as to whether you do that or not. Like deciding not to take that next cigarette but to get up and busy yourself doing something else you can also decide not to sit and think about it but to get up and do something else to take your mind off it.

      • Ethel says:

        His previous behaviour has already marked him out as some kind of weirdo. He sounds cold and calculating to me. If he was trying to make you jealous, T, he’s succeeded.

        As Fi says, try not to give in to dwelling on it. That is far easier said than done of course, but if you can find things to take your mind off it, you’ll be not giving in to what he wants either. Don’t let the bastard grind you down.

        P.S. I’ve just spent what must be Christmas No. 8 all alone yet again. I took the car for a drive for an hour on Christmas Day to get me out of the house. Did the trick. Stopped me dwelling. I haven’t spoken to a soul since I said thank you to the woman on the supermarket check out on Christmas Eve. The next person I speak to is likely to be the person on a supermarket check out tomorrow. Ho Hum.

      • Fi says:

        That is sad Ethel. Have you no friends to invite you to theirs or do you not want to go?

      • Ethel says:

        A bit of both, Fi. It can be worse to sit watching another family having their happy family day, knowing you’re not really part of it. Friends used to invite me, some did it more out of making themselves feel better. “You can’t be on your own on Christmas Day”. Well, actually, you can. It doesn’t matter so much now that it means nothing to me any more.

      • Fi says:

        You are so right. It isn’t enjoyable sitting in on someone else’s christmas as you end up feeling like a victorian spinster aunt – the old lady in black who never got a husband who sits at the end of the table, who can be relied to show gratitude for not being forgotten. After leaving the host and hostess can congratulate themselves for being such charitable people, almost as though they helped out at homeless shelter for the day. Where people genuinely want you to join in because you are great company it’s different, but again in order to be single and invited places you have to earn your keep by being the sort of person other people think of and want around – no moaning or acting human like real family members because who wants a moaning minnie? Switch on that smile! Show some gratitude!. Sometimes it is exhausting being nice. I do think it quite astonishing that some people will insist you go and stay at theirs for the day because they believe watching their children fight, or seeing them get stressed and fight, is preferable to sitting at home eating and drinking and doing what you want to when you want to do it. This year I chatted to my single friends who all felt the same and although again they had been invited along to their families or friends, felt they were invited along to help with the cooking or babysit and either as an obligation or to make people feel kind and generous to the unwanted spinster. So…..next year we may well get together and spend christmas all together in a riot of drunken snobbishness, drinking Baileys and Snowballs from dawn too dusk.

      • Fi says:

        riotousness not snobbishness – spell check!

      • T Lover says:

        Ethel, I just can’t get my head round being ill, lonely or both. I know it can be a miserable reality but why I don’t know. Why we are such a shit, insular, self centred society is beyond me.

        I will be quartered if she sees this blog. I am sure she would agree with 90% of the things I say but she can keep things to herself, I wear my heart on my sleeve. She bollocks me for telling anything to anyone.

        So, the point. I can’t easily say call if you want to talk to someone but if you did I could always find a way. Don’t be down or lonely. I will happily gossip if it cheers you up. How far away from Manchester are you?

      • Ethel says:

        T, you’re being nice to me, are you sure you’re feeling ok? (joke!)

        I also wonder about society. So many people know I am alone, not just this time of year, but all of the time, and don’t seem to care. I have relatives who live in the same town as me, but I can’t call them family. I never hear from them. It’s always been me that makes contact.

        I could write an essay on the inept things that have been said to me this year but I won’t, I can’t be arsed.

        I have wondered what is wrong with me. Am I bad company? I don’t think I am. I am sure there are those who would say I am not.

        Someone said to me not so long ago that making friends is easy but making friends with people you actually like is the difficult part. Too true in my experience. I’ve ditched ‘friends’ in the past because their idea of friendship was to use me when it suited them. As an example, there were those who wanted to come out with me in the car, but expected me to pay for the petrol to take them where they wanted to go. I guess I’m just not desperate enough for company that I’ll pay for it. And the longer I’m on my own, the more I seem to prefer it. At least I always get my own way.

        I’m miles away from Manchester, down in the south east. But thanks for the offer to talk. It’s kind of you.

      • T Lover says:

        When I fell out with her my reaction was, as it had been umpteen times before, clear off home.

        When the dust settled – or rather weeks later when we had a proper talk – the penny dropped. Although I was upset by what she did (and at the time chuffed to see the back of her) she had been upset by a list of things I had done and very hurt by being told to sling her hook. There was another side to the coin.

        I paid a price. I was lonely too. Not in the same way you are but because I had to start again without her and then because she started to screw another bloke. I felt alone, no matter how many people you know there was no cure for what goes on in your head.

        I called my Doctor to see if I could get help. My problem? Every time someone did something I did not like, I immediately went for my gun. Eventually, I looked for myself and found a charity which offered weekend courses on relationships. About a hundred quid for three days. I have not done it for a number of reasons but that is not the point.

        I have a builder doing some work for me in Manchester. Before Christmas he fell out with the bloke who does his labouring. I spoke to both. The other bloke told me they had both had a big drink and fell out because he had not answered his mobile. He thought it was pathetic. The builder had not told me he was drunk too. But the builder was never ever going to have anything to do with his mate again.

        Just like me. Just the way I over-react. Just like you?

        The bloke I talked to about the course said they would try to teach me how to deal with difficult situations and most important of all to restore my own self esteem, give me confidence in myself. You know, they say if you are unhappy living with yourself no-one else will live with you.

        Every one of us is different. But, without wanting to offend you, and I am trying to be helpful, maybe the root of the problem is inside you just as I know I caused much of what went wrong in my life.

        I have paid a big price. At 5 this am I was staring at the bedroom ceiling. I started to watch the telly in my head. I saw her naked screwing this other bloke. I have to watch the repeat in the lonely darkness every night.

        Is there something that happened to me, the way I reacted familiar?

      • Ethel says:

        Never been one for confrontation myself. I could not be less like you if I tried.

  • Fi says:

    ok. i will.

    • Mezzanine says:

      Hi Ethel. Just read your post and agree with every word. As an only child I think I cope much better than most about being alone. When my friends had gone home it was just me and my parents and I was fine with that but I always craved alone time. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy company and can be good company myself, or so I am told but my alone time is where I heal the wounds of the day.

      There is nothing wrong with you Ethel. Nothing at all. People can be strange and I know full well what you mean about people using you so the best thing to do is cut free from them. You are so right about being able to do your own thing without the guilt of trying to please someone else. However, that does not mean that I wouldn’t enjoy the company of a man but a man who had his own interests as well as shared interests with me. It’s finding someone that’s the problem.

      Still it’s nearly 2015 and a fresh year awaits us all. This year will be what we make it. We make our own luck I think. I have two holidays to look forward to. One in June to The Canaries and one in September to my beloved Croatia. Going one my own to both destinations. Who knows who I’ll meet and talk to. That’s the beauty of going alone. You make your own destiny!

      A very happy New Year to all on this blog. May all your dreams come true xx

      • Ethel says:

        Thank you, Mezzanine. And I agree with all you say too!

        I’m sadly coming to the conclusion that I don’t like people very much – not all of them of course, but a lot of them. Everyone seems to be out for themselves nowadays. The faux female friends who only wanted me for a free taxi service turned nasty when I refused to be used. Finding nice people seems to be increasingly difficult. Oh well.

  • […] a final note, I will reference the last posted musing by The Plankton, now nearly a year old. This funny (and raw) writer informs us of a woman she has heard of who is a […]

  • Fi says:

    @T – what’s been happening with you and her since your last update?

    • T. Lover says:

      God knows. It can be largely summarised by something rumbling over the past day.

      She gets a call from her elderly mother. Mother loves daughter and wants to be with her all the time. Mother uses excuses to get daughter to travel to see her.

      Yesterday, needs help with her tax return. Another daughter lives 25 car minutes away. So mine starts to bitch with her mother. I was only there at the weekend. Get …. to do it – she never does anything.

      I then pour oil on troubled water. I’ll go with you. But nothing was right last night and she still has a face today until, just now, I exploded. Did you go on like this before you fucked him? Did nagging turn him on?

      I forget what she did when we are happy. When she acts like a spoiled prat it all comes back. We then have a massive row (had four major blow ups in the last couple of weeks) and life dives.

      See you soon in Scotland?

  • T. Lover says:

    I was bath hunting at the weekend. Went into this big showroom. Not one bidet. The salesman said they sold only one bidet per every 500 suites. I fainted. How do people keep their nether regions clean? Must be a lot of grubby tackle going about.

    Now Fi, here’s a tit bit for you. Six years now since the daughter spoke to me. At one stage my only channel was Facebook – how naff is Facebook? – and when I opened an account in not quite my name and asked if she was OK I was cut off, blocked, or whatever Facebook people do.

    Well, it may not be entirely my fault (grumpy nature didn’t you say) after all and as it turns out, because, out of the blue, after six years, she wants to see me asap. Meeting her at lunchtime tomorrow.

    If you can work out that one – or the mind of a woman – tell me how it’s done. And my theory that the fault for this six years is not mine? Well, apparently it is to be a clandestine meeting. Her Mother (my dear dear wife) is not to know. I wonder why.

    • Fi says:

      Hurrah!! Here’s what I think has happened: your ex-wife bad mouthed you all the time and your daughter sided with her in the fall out of the relationship crumbling, and so she blocked you. Now older and a bit wiser she thinks she may have been a bit of a fool and that there are two sides to every story and wants to see if you and she can build a relationship. However as your ex-wife would not be pleased about this, and would cause trouble for her, your daughter doesn’t want her to know.
      I am sure you will be perfectly nice tp her, not criticise your ex-wife or daughter and let her know how pleased you are to see her, and you will be well on the way to building that bridge.
      Have a lovely time and let us know how you get on. And what’s happened to your girlfriend in the intervening few weeks?

      • T Lover says:

        Well, I know it is a no no to have a go at the missus because no matter how badly I think her mother behaved the two still love one another.

        That said my daughter (26) wanted to bring her husband (have never had a conversaion with him, did not go to the wedding) but I said no because I hoped we could have a frank discussion about what had happened (including what I felt when my then best mate sent my wife a vibrator), why life at home was so strained and why I should have called it a day instead of clinging on – trying to keep us together.

        Then to let her throw her wig at me.

        Then to promise never to look back again.

        It’s funny, I feel rather odd about the whole thing.

        The girlfriend? She is just making a coffee. Answer later.

      • Fi says:

        Dont destroy the bridge! You may regret it. What if she had kids at some point – wouldn’t you like to have the chance to be a grandad? You will get the chance for frank discussions again but tiptoe into them when you have built the good relationship, don’t blow it at the outset by having an argument and reinforcing to her that she was right to cut you off, and then your wife (who she will tell about it after it’s happened) will just do the I-told-you-he-was-a-bastard routine. Or do that if you feel like it but I would have thought by now you would have learned to keep your mouth shut and pause before reacting and making things worse for yourself but it doesn’t sound like it

      • maria says:

        Or maybe she just wants something from you, e.g. money, and that’s why she wants to meet you.

      • T Lover says:

        Fiona you are right. If we can get back on track first, soul searching can wait.
        I know other blokes who have had the same experience with a daughter. Some have become close, some not, so let’s see.

        Maria, there is no need to tap me up for dosh. She has a good job, buying her own home and her mother, compared to me, has more folding than Creasus at the moment.

        Her, the girlfriend, a mixed picture. She behaved like a spoiled prat yesterday, so, this morning I was lying there thinking about what she did. There is no sign whatsoever of a repeat but yesterday she drove me to the edge, just as she did in September.

    • T Lover says:

      Well, Fi, you were right.

      She was there first. Had organised food and a tab. Took a tablet – went through photographs taken in the missing years.

      No mention of the reasons we had fallen out nor her mother ‘till a couple of hours had gone by. All of a sudden she mentioned her mother’s boyfriend and how he had not been overjoyed because she – the daughter – had asked to meet me.

      I said if he made her mother happy and vice versa that was fine by me, it was not a competition between me and her mother to see who netted her affections. Apart from the fact I couldn’t fathom why the wife’s boyfriend had had a fit (my boy told me later it was true, he had) everything went swimmingly.

      So 2014 crap. The 2015 summary so far: sorted with daughter. About to make a final push to finish new house. Divorce about to become absolute. Wife making progress towards buying me out. Doing OK. Fingers crossed.

      • Fi says:

        Excellent. It’s worth remembering though that it was your attitude and behaviour that made it a success.

      • T Lover says:

        The boy told me yesterday what had gone on with the wife’s boyfriend. When he found out I was meeting my daughter he banged on about whether she would be OK and how she should take her brother. My boy told him that his sister had contacted me, that she had instigated the meeting not me.

        I just cannot think what business it is of his (she is 25 and married) but that the boyfriend was behaving like a bit of a prat. I know it’s not a competition between parents but after all the crap thrown my way it was nice to know that the kids are able to think for themselves and – in the girl’s case – now able to see things differently.

        I keep being told to send a message to say I had a lovely time and how I am looking forward to seeing her again but I think not. If she wants it she can contact me again.

        All this is far too heavy isn’t it? But not much to laugh about at the moment. 2015 has started well but the giggles are still hibernating.

      • Fi says:

        It sounds as though he thinks you could become violent or aggressive.
        How did you leave it? I would agree with your friends as it is just common politeness to acknowledge you had a nice time and say thank you if she paid for the meal. Saying you would like to catch up again offers the potential to do so, not saying that may leave her with the impression you sent that interested.

      • T Lover says:

        I have no idea what he thought. My boy thought it was funny, the daughter gave the imression she thought it odd.

        That said the daughter was the mistress of playing me off against her mother and I did wonder whether, next, it will be me against the wife’s boyfriend.

        For that reason I didn’t want to apear over excited about having had this meeting. I missed her Duke of Edinburgh (the boyfriend went) her graduation (ditto) her 21st (ditto) wedding (I was invited but said no) so I’m not going to chase her.

  • Ethel says:

    So how is everyone? Did anyone get lucky for Valentine’s Day?

    Ethel (trying to live vicariously)

    • Fi says:

      Hello. Not me!

    • zoe says:

      Hi Ethel, yes, it would be rather nice to get a quick round-robin catch-up from everyone. I managed to say a final goodbye to someone I had started seeing at the end of last summer a few days before Valentine’s Day. Don’t imagine that exactly counts as “getting lucky”. But I did see a girlfriend the morning after Valentine’s for brunch. The couple sitting next to us were not talking. At least, the woman was not talking to the man, despite the man’s best efforts. If you’re not coupled-up on Valentine’s at least you don’t have to be disappointed by the failure of your man to meet some unspecified yet crucial standard, or, if you’re a bloke you don’t have to deal with the inevitable fall out of having f****’d up.

    • Fi says:

      We need an update from T Lover as he is the only one of us with a partner

      • T Lover says:

        Partnership? Is that what you call it? I wish I had the spine to man up and live on my own.

        Lydia. Notice how quickly “she” was able to comment – almost instantly after the day’s post arrived. As though “she” knew what was going to be said.

        And “she” is now adding “her” pearls to another blog (is it a blog?) but in the same newspaper, the Times. Coincidence?

        And there was a marked style change, at one stage, but always eccentric but widely read comments.

        Lydia was not an individual. I bet she was two blokes.

        And I am annoyed with Scott. Here is a piece of nastiness I hope you are reading Scott. You stopped commenting when you didn’t manage to hook up with one of the female commentators in time for your UK holiday which, if true, was mean because there were a number of people who were fond of you and your smelly trainers.

    • maria says:

      Me either.

  • Claudine Robson says:

    yikes – he’s not jumped back on the old wagon has he

  • zoe says:

    C’mon Lydia, June, Malcolm, Emgee, PY, Rosie, Elle, Steve, Jill, Miss Bates and the smart woman in Australia whose name I seem to have forgotten, and the lovely, wise psychiatrist or similar in Florida or somewhere like it, along with several others whose names are on the tip of my tongue (ageing…)…please wave hello…give us a quick round-up?

    • maria says:

      Rosie??!! Are you kidding? Yikes! I do miss hearing from Lydia, her private island and all her old bald fat disabled suitors, though.
      And don’t forget Scott. I wonder, has he touched a woman’s body yet?

      • Fi says:

        Well Scott comments on the Times website and a lot of his comments are vaguely sexual so I would assume no, and Lydia comments there too as English Rose and hers are usually along the lines of saying her kids are all geniuses, brought up not to be housewives, and other comments which get people’s backs up and makes them say she doesn’t like men very much. So…different website but they’re the same.

      • maria says:

        Fi, don’t we have to pay to have access to the Times website?

      • Fi says:

        Yep, but I do. Occasionally I do think about saying hello, but don’t 🙂

    • Paul Yeadon says:

      Hi Zoe

      I don’t know what spurred me to look again to see if the Plankton had resurfaced in the pond of life but here I am.

      A great skiing trip in January with my ski buddy. Albeit any post holiday feel-good factor tempered on my return by the almost immediate death of my father. The first to go and whilst not unexpected (92) , still a momentous occasion in anybody’s life.

      Since then it has all been about getting back to work, commencing the paper chase of probate, establishing a new routine with my mother – trying to keep her busy and help fill the vacuum that is left after 60 years of marriage.

      The personal life remains as confused as ever , but hey , another Spring is sprung and what joy will that bring us all .

      • Fi says:

        PY – nice to hear about you. 🙂

      • zoe says:

        Thank you for that, PY. As Fi says, it’s good to hear from you. There are very few of us left at this particular party. I am sorry though to hear about your father. I recall just over a year ago now your account of the longevity and solidity of your parents’ relationship – while the relationships of those around them were crumbling.

  • peggy says:

    Can we start a bring back scott campaign?

  • Fi says:

    What;s happening now T? Have you moved yet? How’s your girlfriend? Your secretary?

    • T Lover says:

      Cheers, Fi, thanks for asking.

      Are you still in the cancer clear? Been checked recently?

      Why ask me these questions and then bollock me for a War and Peace answer?

      I was watching this girl make a mug of tea the other day. The usual woman thing 1.5 litres of water boiled for one tea bag mug followed by only half a mug of tea. I was thinking how we, men and women, really are from different planets.

      Then, did you see it on Sunday? Great canal journeys with Prunella Scales and her husband Timothy West. Quite entertaining but for West’s rather I am very important and clever I am a thespian aura.

      Anyway, he was screaming at her as she tried to open a sluice and the boat was being buffeted. She was making a balls of it right enough but the point was she is gentle and his wig was doing a fly past because no matter how he shouted she just made it worse. At one point they bleeped his language. She was clueless.

      How anyone could argue men and women are equal is beyond me. We just have completely different qualities don’t we?

      Cracked it before but my favourite birthday card says it all. Mechanic (peering under bonnet): I’m afraid your battery is flat, Madam. Her: what shape should it be?

      No, I haven’t moved. Nothing has been done to the house since November. Will start again when the sun starts to shine a little more.

      I was cocky about my divorce. Not so now. She has applied for a financial order. If I could stick a red hot poker up her jacksy would I?

      The girlfriend? Well what to say? Yesterday I could have killed her. Tomorrow I probably will. Wish I was deaf.

      Secretary? No idea. She won’t pick up her phone (to anyone as far as I can find out) and there is a limit no matter how upset you are about it.

      In my constant state of fedupedness I am a bit down about the fact no-one has got together and the blog is faltering. I look every day. Don’t know why but I do. Miss it I suppose.

      • maria says:

        T, tell us the name of your blog, so we can pick up the conversation from there. Lots of people would be up for it, I’m sure. Otherwise this will be dead soon.

      • T Lover says:

        Five or six years ago it was obvious that the run of spring salmon on our river was pretty thin. The powers that be (to be you have to have been to Eton, Oxbridge and have a title) decreed that we would have to return all spring fish, which as a basic proposition was quite reasonable. Especially if you want to drag a rare exhausted creature by its mouth to the bank then let it go.

        However, there were much more serious steps that could have been taken, for example stopping fishing altogether, but that, of course would have meant the powers that be would have lost money – quite a big stash.

        Anyway, to wind up the fishing establishment and their mates I started a fishing blog. That’s what my blog was all about so, I’m afraid it wouldn’t work. You wouldn’t want your comments featuring alongside pictures of dead fish and ancient ghillies would you?

      • maria says:

        Make a new one, then. Your posts alone about your girlfriend and her shenanigans would make it very interesting reading.

      • T Lover says:

        I can’t do that. Anyway, there is no sign that this blog will be pulled any time now.

        You on half term?

      • Fi says:

        I think writing a blog must be really hard work – I can’t imagine the self discipline required to continue to do it on a weekly basis – ok at the start when you have a lot to say it would be ok but to keep it going all the time conscious that people expect you to come up with something new and entertain them , well I couldn’t even try it. It works best I think when there is a regular change of subject matter too eg I read one called 52 first dates which was very amusing as the author just wrote about each date she went on. But at least the different dates provided the subject. So I guess I’m saying that much as if love to read about Ts love life/ divorce/ troubles with women etc, I can see why he is reluctant to do a blog. You asked about me T – I think I’m ok but we never know do we? Certainly my annual breast tissue scans don’t show anything, but now I know that sometimes it’s very hard to detect, and of course there’s no rule that says cancer ha to come back in the breast or be confined there anyway. But that’s the way it is for me and the millions of other people who have been treated – we are more conscious of the brevity and fragility of life maybe than people who haven’t been diagnosed, but it could be you and will be someone getting that diagnosis tomorrow.

      • maria says:

        Fi, so glad to know you’re ok. I get scanned annualy as well, because my mother died of this dreadful disease and I can’t tell you how scared I am when I have to do the said scan. I’d rather die ten years earlier than go through what my mother did.
        I’m on half term already dreading the moment I’ll have to face those obnoxious kids aagain.

      • Fi says:

        Teaching is hard I think – we used to be horrible to our teachers when we were young. Never saw them as people and I suppose we just thought it was amusing to challenge authority. I couldn’t do the job not least because I wouldn’t have the interpersonal skills required to teach and maintain discipline. And worst of all were those teachers who were (i now see) bullied by their pupils year after year as they had a reputation for being easy targets to wind up, and every year each new class would start afresh on them. Very very difficult job I would imagine. So well done you Maria. And your English is amazing – can’t believe you used a word like ‘shenanigans’ which is rarely even used by English speakers.

      • maria says:

        Fi, I’m not bullied, mainly because I do it to them before they do it to me. Call it self preservation if you will, but it’s fucking exhausting. The parents are the worst part of the job, most of them don’t take any responsability in their children’s education, don’t impose discipline and when we try to do it, they turn on us and complain to the school’s headmistress who, by the way, always favors the parents.
        I swear, if I was young again I wouldn’t be a teacher even if they paid me 100.000 € a month.

  • maria says:

    Fi, T, take a look at this:


    What do you think?

    • Ethel says:

      Maria, I’m not Fi or T, does that mean I’m not allowed to comment? ;-D

      • Fi says:

        Maria – that is fab. Are you going to say something on it to get the ball rolling?
        Ethel – brilliant you are joining in. What have you been up to?

      • Ethel says:

        Fi, thanks for asking. Not much really, what with the tail end of last year’s illness and a bad dose of the winter blues on top. I’ll be glad when the weather warms up and I can get out a bit more.

        Do you not have any concerns about that blog? Is it my suspicious and cynical mind in overdrive? There’s no mention of who has started it and the date on it is April 1… April Fool’s?

      • Fi says:

        Didn’t Maria set it up?

      • maria says:

        Fi, I did set it up and I’m counting on Plankton’s followers to get it going. As everybody knows by now English isn´t my first language and my life is very boring, so all contributions will be welcomed.

        Ethel, of course you can comment, you’re very welcome. And it’s not an April Fool’s Day prank, even though I did set it up on 1st April.

  • Ethel says:

    Maria, you deserve every penny of £100,000 a month. I could not do your job. The kids would eat me alive.

    • Ethel says:

      So that last comment of mine didn’t turn up in the right slot!

      Maria, I meant to add well done for setting up the other blog 🙂

      What are we going to do from here on, do we continue on here for now, or do we go straight over to Maria’s blog? Maria, Fi, T, anyone else?

      • maria says:

        Hi Ethel, I don’t know what we’ re going to do from here. As I said before, English isn’t my first language (I’m Portuguese) and I’ve nothing interesting to say. I haven’t had a date in decades and regarding twinkles, they’re getting scarcier as I fastly approach 60. I live alone with my cat, in a house I hate, I hate my job and I’ m post menopausal. Every now and then I get together with my sister and her family because they feel so sorry for the poor old spinster nobody cares about. Even so I don’t envy her the slightest, she’s always quarreling with her husband and pretty much spends her life waiting on him and her son hand and foot; she’s basically a domestic slave, always worried about meals, cleaning, the laundry…
        Meanwhile, my brother-in-law spends his time sleeping, snoring, reading the newspaper and oggling young women, even from his own family, like his lovely young nieces. So, all in all, I much prefer my life, as empty as it may be.
        Changing subject, I was hoping T Lover would write some of his lovely posts to get the new blog going, before they close this one.

      • Ethel says:

        Maria, you almost described my life. I’m lacking the cat, job and family though. I do have an older brother, but he’s resented me ever since I was born, so I don’t see him any more.

        I’ve just spent another Easter all alone. Got out for a couple of short walks, so I did get to speak to other people, even if was just a hello as we passed.

        T, I think the whole point of Maria’s blog is that if this one suddenly disappears, those of us that want to keep in touch can do so. Please at least bookmark it in case we need it. I would hate to lose touch. Maybe I need to get out more… 😮

      • Ethel says:

        P.S. Maria, you would never know that English is not your first language!

      • T Lover says:

        Maria, don’t know what to say. I don’t want you to be hurt but if the number of comments left on the embers of this blog is withering there is no reason to suppose it will be any different on a new blog.

      • maria says:

        T, I’m not hurt. You write where and when you like.

      • T Lover says:

        Maria, big misunderstanding. All I was trying to say was comments are decreasing and I think it would get worse bearing in mind people have to know about or realise there is a new blog – and some won’t.

      • maria says:

        T, I got it.

      • Ethel says:

        And it’s also somewhere else for the four of us, plus any others, to go if this blog should suddenly disappear. So bookmark it now and I’ll hopefully see the rest of you over there if it comes to it! 🙂

      • Fi says:

        I’ve bookmarked it in case.

        I have taken early retirement and spent the last few months readjusting my life but have just signed up to a temping agency and asked for receptionist jobs. I am going to have to do some more agencies though as my expenditure is greater than my income and while it was ok for a while, I have a few holidays and music festivals coming up that I need to be able to pay for.
        I have played more ukulele and made more ukulele friends and we have been asked to play a ‘gig’.
        Been a volunteer at a film event.
        Installed a wood burning stove in my conservatory (which is where me and my ukulele friends gather at the weekends and play our stuff).
        Take a daily morning walk to get fresh air and exercise.
        Have been visiting all my friends round the country I never used to get to see very often as I was working.
        Played the piano in public.

        Now it’s time to stop procrastinating though and get a job which I have to say seems to be quite daunting – having worked for decades in a well paid job, it is amazing how quickly you feel de-skilled and unwanted when not working, so it must be awful to actually be unemployed and trying to look for work. Let’s see what happens next and where my life will go.

      • maria says:

        Wow Fi, I had no idea you were an artist.
        Jobs are very difficult to find here in Portugal, much more so if you’re over 35, no matter how skilled you are. That’s why I’ve never left mine; besides the pay is not bad compared to most jobs around here.

      • T Lover says:

        Fiona, what to say? Imagination rampant.

      • Fi says:

        Sorry if I’ve given the impression that Im anything more than pretty rubbish 🙂
        I think I mentioned before I had taken up the ukulele, a very simple instrument to learn by the way, and having more time on my hands as the result of having retired, I have been able to practice quite a bit. My friends and I aren’t very good but to people who don’t play we sound impressive.
        Basically I have no mortgage, a small pension, and you’re a long time dead so I thought I might as well have some fun.

      • Ethel says:

        That’s me too: no mortgage, small pension, and a desire to live without stress. My passion is walking, which has been hampered by all the illness I had last year. Yesterday, I managed 4 flat miles. No distance at all for me in the past, it knocked the stuffing out of me, but I have a sense of achievement today 🙂

      • maria says:

        Good for you, Ethel. I walk a lot too because I’ve never bothered to get a driver’s license.

  • Paul Yeadon says:

    Just nudging this blog on by one – can’t leave it sitting on “the number of the Beast”. That would be too much of a Revelation , so to speak.

  • T Lover says:

    I am upset.

    The summer neighbours, the swallows, are not here.

    In three years we have gone from three families to one last year to none today. Bah. Great entertainment through the summer.

    Odd because they had two good broods last year. But no mums and dads. No bambinos.

    Mind, everything is going down the pan. The badger huggers have put paid to the ground nesting birds. No lapwings any more. And the hedgehogs. And the leverets.

    Big fuss here about badger killers. All my neighbours hate them and they are turning up dead (the badgers) all over the place.

    I have only seen one hare on my ground since Christmas. Five years ago I could catch four pairs in the car headlights come a March night. I have seen just one lonely hare since Christmas.

    Minor bit of good news: the rabbits are back. The bad news: bet the myxi gets them before October.

    • I have to come clean – I’m one of the (many?) ghostly voyeurs who’ve followed this blog almost from the beginning, but not made any comments. Well, I made two comments about 3 years ago but that hardly counts. I’ve dipped in and out of Plankton’s last comment over the last year, hoping to see more from her, but it was only yesterday (duh) I noticed there were almost 700 comments. So I started reading them – it took a couple of hours – and it was brilliant to see the P-fan stalwarts carrying on regardless, despite the lack of Plankton. I hesitate to use the word ‘entertained’, as these are your lives, but it was compulsive reading until the last comment.
      Whether or not you eventually meet up I’d love to read on and see how everything pans out for you all. And if Scott and Lydia ever returned, well, the team would be complete!
      I’m saving the link to womenlovethemorleavethem.wordpress.com
      in case things come to a grinding halt here. In the interests of sharing, I’m 53, terminally single, no kids and just bobbing along in life….

      • Fi says:

        Why hello and welcome 🙂
        I read them too sometimes, particularly the older posts and sometimes I find myself chortling along because some of the comments are so funny. And I suppose they are also a record of our lives.
        Please feel free to join in – you could start by asking T Lover what’s the latest with his on again/off again lady friend. Just because I want to know 🙂

      • Ethel says:

        Hello TT, and welcome from another terminally single, child free, bobber 🙂

      • Hi Fi, lovely to hear from you! I’m first going to work out how I can change my profile from Tiller the cat to the real person that I am (Jude), then I’ll come back…..

      • T Lover says:

        Fiona, you are funny.

        What’s going on with the on/off girlfriend? No idea.

        I just don’t know what to say. No time to think things through.

        Just waiting to pull supper out of the oven. Pissed on half a glass of red. Sex drive has fallen off a cliff. Constantly full of a cold. Become seriously cynical about the human race. No sign of the builder and my stolen central heating boiler. Hair out control. Short of money. No real dosh crossed the office threshold for weeks. Worst of all – for a vain old git – looking seriously older.

        Desperate to get a grip and move to Scotland. But I love my son to bits and I am putting 225 miles between us. Told my daughter to ‘eff off.

        Oh BTW – you should not have taken redundancy.

        Anything else you want to know? Bah.

      • Fi says:

        Well have you still got one? Is it the same one or a new one? Have you forgiven her for her involvement with the teacher?
        Why did you say that to your daughter? When are you moving up?

      • T Lover says:

        Daughter. Met in pub. Went OK. Just felt as though I did not know her – it would have been seven years come August since we had spoken.

        Then she came to the house for a meal. Seemed to go OK.

        Then I never heard, not even a “thank you” text. I sent her a message to say her husband seemed very nice – which he did – but there was no response.

        Then I asked if they wanted to go for fish and chips. There is a quirky shop nearby where you can sit down. No, her husband was too tired.

        So I left it at that, waited for her. But nothing.

        Then one Saturday (three weeks ago?) she turns up at the house with her Mother and her Mother’s boyfriend. Mother and daughter go riding. This sort of thing infuriates me – but this is another story. Daughter never knocks on the door to say hello, I thought she could have telephoned up front to say she was coming, any chance of a brew but there we are.

        Later I was outside collecting logs for the fire when they arrive back. Saw her outside by chance. All I got was “hello” and a big grin. All she got was eff off.

        The next day she bombarded me with text messages 75% of which were immature rubbish. I had to explain to the girl in simple terms that she was so far up her Mother’s exhaust I could only see her feet and that this was my home, the place where I live and I expected some respect.

        She told me she preferred her Mother’s boyfriend to me to which I replied she was welcome – they had so much in common – example neither of them could spell.

        And that was that. The shutters have gone up again and are going to stay up. And now, unless someone asks, I don’t think about her, fret, whatever any more which is fine by me. There are a lot of nice people around, why do I have to have her for a daughter?

        And Fiona, do NOT tell me I have done the wrong thing. I am free.

        Move to Scotland. Several things have happened. One: ran out of folding to finish the place. Two the wife’s application for a financial order. Three, the winter. Easier to get the place sorted when the days are warm and longer. Plus the fact my pothead builder stole from me and we have parted on bad terms.

        I am going up this next week for the first time since November.

        The GF. I am on my own at the moment but only because she is away. There is no doubt I have been changing mentally and physically and my attitude to having a woman in tow has changed over the past six months. Same relationship pattern. She is fine then she turns cowy for a few days then I blow then the circle starts again.

        The bloke she was seeing when we split wouldn’t let go for quite a while but, touch wood, he has now disappeared.

        That’s that in as few words as I can manage. War and Peace wasn’t it?

      • Fi says:

        I wasn’t going to say you were wrong . I was going to commend you for giving it one last shot. At least you know now where you stand. I will come down to Coldstream one of these visits of yours

      • T Lover says:

        You’d better.

  • Jude says:

    OK, seeing if I’ve managed to sort out this name thing. Hi Ethel – another 50-something bobber, eh?

    • Jude says:

      Oops, sorry Ethel, not a good start giving you an age there 😕 too presumptious of me.

      • Ethel says:

        That’s ok, Jude. I am still fifty-something, but not for much longer… 😉 The sad thing is, I still feel 22 at times.

  • Jude says:

    So, T Lover, you’ve left us in suspense here. (Prompted by Fi) I am dying to know what is happening with your girlfriend – are you able to divulge? I have visions of one of those times when you were typing away to this blog, believing her to be ‘downstairs making coffee’, when she’d actually crept upstairs and was peering over your shoulder – then all hell ensued, and you’ve not been able to come back since. I do hope not.
    I realise this is a personal question, and if this was the real world it’d be bloody cheeky of me to ask, but its not so I will. Please put my mind at rest. Many thanks.

  • T Lover says:

    Hold the front page……one pair of swallows have arrived.

    I’ve told them off for being two weeks late and for worrying me.

  • Chris says:

    Wow…is this still going on. Anyway, glad to see everyone is still here discussing the plight of singledom. Found this website really good…even helped me with an OU course I was doing.

    Anyway, anybody here ever thought about dressing really slutty – you know, high heels, short skirt, no undies (whoops) to get the man of your dreams (or nightmares come to that) Like there is a big mature slut lady scene out there. I know co I’m getting right into it !! And with that I think I better be off !! Byeeee !!

    • Fi says:

      Thanks for that Chris – Where do you go for that? Can we catch men while we are doing our supermarket shopping? And if so is there a supermarket you can recommend? Or will the library or coffee/cake shops do? Just wondering whether we can fit this into our lives as we operate at the moment or is there some particular “Big Mature Slut Lady Scene” you can recommend for us?
      And how do men know we aren’t wearing any knickers? Do we have to do a lot of bending over in our short skirts?
      Any advice gratefully received

  • Chris says:

    Hi Fi…wow…activity, I thought this place was completely dead !! Ye olde Plankton certainly seems to given up !!

    Yup, in answer to your query. It is completely essential you do loads of bending over in your short skirt to advertise your lack of underwear. As a woman only you can know how dumb and obvious men are, and unless you ‘stick it in their face’, so as to speak, they will never notice you are not wearing any knickers !!

    Big Mature Slut Lady scene ?? Oh, trust me, I bet there is one. You obviously do not know the rather idiosyncratic tastes of men very well. Actually, that was something that struck me when I used to read this blog many moons ago. If you want men, tune into what they like. You’d be surprised !! And if you don’t want men, well, no harm done.

    Now then, location. Well, that is the beauty of slutdom, it is non prescriptive. Sluts tend to spurn fashion dictates and ‘role models.’ Actually, they probably don’t have much to do with plankton cos, trust me, these ladies, no matter what size or shape, are ever sexually invisible !! I guess you could practice the art wherever you please, though I have to say the cake shop sounds rather nice um, ‘two cream horns please.’ Library could be good too, just spend lots of time inspecting titles on the bottom shelf. By the way, 5in heels are a must.

    Can you fit this into your lives the way you operate at the moment? How the hell should I know? Ummm, that sounds a little negative to me. Thing is, if you are enthusiastic about something you make time for it.

    Wow, I have enjoyed writing this little homily so much I might start me own ‘I love Sluts’ blog, a kind of homage to sluts. Guess I could call it ‘Slutus Non Planktonus’. Gives it a kind of classy classical feel, don’t you think.

  • Chris says:

    Whoops, sorry, typo !! What I really meant to say was ‘these ladies, no matter what size or shape, are NEVER sexually invisible. And yes, I know the 5 in heels are prescriptive, but with regards to everything else the only rule unwritten at that, is ‘less is more’ !!

    Have a nice day !!

    • Fi says:

      Thanks for the suggestions Chris. I am going out shopping to Tesco very shortly so I will take heed and remove my pants and bra before I go and spend a lot of time raking in the bottom of the freezer cabinets for frozen parsnips, courgettes etc and any other suggestively shaped objects.
      I definitely think you should start your own SlutBlog – if only T Lover had had your innovative approach we might all have our very own men by now.

  • Chris says:

    See Fi, Ethel’s livened up already. Any way, listen. Am just in the middle of finishing me last dreary assignment in order that might gain my completely useless OU degree which I just did for a laugh ! So I had to amuse meself somehow. Having said that…ummm….frozen nipples…got me thinking there Ethel.

    As for poor old T Lover…I empathise. I been through loads of crap like that. Divorce, not invited to daughters wedding etc. You know, all the usual old rubbish people go through. And it got me down for a while. But in the end I had so much of it I got fed up, and that is how I have arrived at where I am today. Enjoy meself and to hell with it. Never care what other people think, have a laugh, and just do and say what makes you happy. Because, lets face it, who knows what’s round the corner ?

    Hope you have a good time in Tescos…their last remaining customer !

    • Fi says:

      Hi Chris – I’d love to chat but for some reason I”m sitting in the manager’s office waiting for the police to arrive!!!!

      • Chris says:

        Liar liar, yer pants on fire oh no, forgot, your not wearing any, are you …hahaha…..more like sat on the managers lap methinks !!

  • Fi says:

    For T – just because you wondered where Lydia had gone. Here she is in the Times, see if you can spot which one is her:

    “EnglishRose 10 hours ago
    No, I’ve never liked alcohol and I don’t drink so don’t tar us all with the same brush…..

    gammo siuwong 8 hours ago
    @EnglishRose This will fall on deaf ears, I have no doubt. But it’s not always about YOU (Repeat 1,000 times).

    Not about your wonderful high power career, achieving children, equality in household chores, private Caribbean island etc etc. She talks about women in general. If she had to mention every individual woman in the UK it might be a little lengthy. “

    • T Lover says:

      When I started internet dating I was naive – very.

      I used to hate hooking up with someone who was in it not to make a relationship but the sort who would lead you along and then disappear. Lots of women obviously had a screw loose.

      I didn’t want to meet hundreds of women – just to hook up with one I really liked.

      Lydia used to wind me up like a piano wire. I am still convinced she is a him or two hims taking the pish, but either way if I could press a button and eject her into outer space I would.

      There were lots of nice people who commented. I suppose the odd one who wasn’t so nice – added spice – but it is the nice people I wonder about. Where is Dan? Bambi? The disappeared – there are lots of them.

      • Ethel says:

        T, sadly there are plenty of men on dating sites like that too. I wish people (not specifically men or women) would just be honest on their profiles and say that they are not looking for anything serious. But I suppose that would spoil it for the ‘players’ and they’d only have each other to mess around.

        I too didn’t want to meet hundreds of men, just one who was right for me and me right for him. There seemed to be too many ‘serial first daters’ – again both male and female. And too many being over-picky about what they wanted or could expect to attract.

        Lydia? Definitely a man I’d say.

        I too would love to hear again from the lady lawyer in New York and the lady in Australia. Can’t remember their names but always enjoyed reading their posts.

  • MissBates says:

    @Ethel Hi there — this is the “lady lawyer in New York” checking in for the first time in months, only to see myself referenced in your latest comment, and to see that many of you (except for Lydia, thank God — she was so exhausting) have kept up the conversation. Nothing new here. Still plugging along at the soul-destroying but outwardly “successful” career, and numbly resigned to the rest of it. Hope you’re all well.

    • T Lover says:

      Miss Bates, Miss Bates, where have you been when I need you most?

      Four weeks after we split six years ago the cow I married went with her Mother to have the Mother’s will changed in favour of my kids.

      Mother now died, wife has applied for a financial order claiming she has received Felicity Arkwright from her Mother.

      Son is in turmoil. His mother has told him not to tell me anything. He does not want to be disloyal, he has told me and admitted it’s a con designed to get a better settlement from me. He is keeping the money warm for his Mother.

      Lad is really upset because he has been propelled into something he knows is dishonest. Daughter? Well she is made in her mother’s image.

      Any wonder I will never get married again?

      • Fi says:

        Looking on the bright side – your son sounds a good guy

      • T Lover says:

        It’s better than that.

        He is the nicest you will ever meet – everyone says so.

        And the two of us are setting off in a minute for Scotland…we enjoy one another’s company.

        Better still, I think I can catch the wife out in her lie. If I can I will get a settlement because she isn’t going to want to tell the Judge why she has mislead the Court is she?

      • MissBates says:

        Hello T Lover: Sounds like a rather transparent, and not uncommon, ploy. Should be relatively easy to prove, provided your son is willing to submit a sworn statement or testify. Your wife is a rotten person to put him in that position.

      • T Lover says:

        Cheers. I am clued up enough to know that inheritances received seven years after separation will not, in the UK, drop into the matrimonial pot.

        In my case, what the wife has done is relevant because: one, it is another example of her deceit and greediness. Two, in dividing family assets the last consideration on the statutory checklist is “fairness” so, she would have to persuade a judge it would be fair to take my financial pants down when, at the same time, she is sitting on a stash. Third, if I can catch her out in a lie she will not want to go to court which has two knock on effects. It will get my boy off the hook and I might get a better deal.

        Finally, the wife and her (not got a pot to pee in but I am having as much as I can of yours) boyfriend will be a gilt edged reminder never to get involved with a woman again.

        Anyway, when are you going to meet us all in the Besom? Fiona is party secretary in 2015 and I am going to pay Maria’s air fare. One way of course as, having exerienced the Besom, she won’t want to go home.

      • maria says:

        T, thanks very much for paying my plane ticket, but where the hell is the Beson? Some misterious whimsical place in Scotland, I guess.

      • T Lover says:

        Specsavers for you dear.

        It’s BESOM. AKA a broom or as Wikidpedia would have it “In Scotland, “besom” (pronounced “bih-zum”) may be used to refer to a particularly annoying person or naughty child.”

        This Besom is a pub in the Borders – a pub in which on a cold day you can toast your bum against the fire.

      • Fi says:

        T – have you been to Lindisfarne at all? It’s just around the corner from you.

      • Ethel says:

        Lindisfarne is somewhere I’ve wanted to visit for a long time. It’s too long a drive from down south though!

        MissBates, lovely to hear from you with your update.

      • Ethel says:

        Well that’s weird… I posted and it hasn’t appeared…

      • T Lover says:

        Yes and no. Sort of. I drive across to Bamburgh (above and below) and walk the dogs on the beach but I have never been over to the islands.

    • Fi says:

      hi – nice to hear that you’re still pottering along MissBates. 🙂

  • Ethel says:

    And now it has appeared. Odd.

    • Fi says:

      And even weirder -it has appeared before T’s post of yesterday!
      i’ve been camping in Wooler and stopped off in Coldstream for coffee and cake on the way. And walked across the sand to Lindisfarne when the tide was out. it was lovely.

      • Ethel says:

        Fi, I’m very envious! 🙂

      • T Lover says:

        Ethel, I suppose I am lucky – I never stop moaning about everything – but for the last three decades I have lived in the Peak District National Park. Up a hill. Half a mile from the nearest road. Panoramic views.

        Trouble is the Peak Park is sandwiched between conurbations and at times there are people everywhere.

        The Borders, that area of north east England conjoined to south east Scotland is in a different way even more beautiful but with the added bonus – it is underpopulated.

        The pull of the area is typified by the Who’s Who of moneyed people who live in, for example, in the Tweed valley. There are at least three Dukes for a start: Roxburgh, Buccluech and Sutherland.

        Don’t get me wrong, I know I am name dropping but only to illustrate the draw of a terrific and historic area.

        Coldstream is a down market border town which cannot hold a candle to Kelso or Melrose. But if you enjoy British history (after Flodden the Scots retreated across the river at Coldstream) and beautiful views there is so much to do not to mention Edinburgh which is only a spit away, one of Europe’s most civilised cities.

        The beaches Fi mentions are spot on so much so they used to be favourites for advertisers. You know the sort of thing, horse galloping along pristine sand.

        Notice: Fi has tea and cake in Coldstream. Never came to see T Lover.

      • Ethel says:

        T, you’ve made me even more envious now! I had to make do with the Darent Valley yesterday – still very beautiful, just not as spectacular.

        I checked the distance from my home to Lindisfarne. About 350 miles and a solid 6 hours of driving, without any ‘comfort stops’. That would be a nice adventure for me. Maybe one day.

        And I promise, if I am ever going to be ‘up your way’, I will treat you to tea and cake 🙂

      • Fi says:

        AGES ago T. Post on here when you move up and I will come and see you then 🙂

  • Chris says:

    Ye Gods, this has turned into a travelogue now !! ‘Citing !!

  • Chris says:

    Ummm…anybody else think this has died a death now ? Seems like Plankton has been ‘outed’ in the press, and indeed your Prophet seems herself to have ‘moved on’, leaving her acolytes to mourn. Methinks this really is the dying of the light ! Yet no doubt the search for the elusive ‘quality man’ goes on !!

    • Fi says:

      There’s only us saddos left, raging against the dying of the light. Outed in the press? Really? Tell us more as I hadn’t heard that. I’m not sure that any of us left are looking for men (can’t speak for t obviously – he may be) but I do think we are using this as a meeting space for chats

    • J says:

      Has she been outed in the press?

      • Chris says:

        No she ain’t, my mistake…but you gotta allow for that, I am only a man after all …hahaha

  • T Lover says:

    What a nightmare. First divorce hearing yesterday.

    I am frightened, not just for me, but for as all. I know it works both ways but how stupid can this system be?

    She has never had a proper job. I know looking after children is a proper job but I mean money wise. So our first three homes I bought. With cash from my first marriage. The house in which I now am is not a lot London wise but is worth a few bob. I bought it. It’s in joint names.

    My Mother left the wife around £200k. She has blown it.

    She is with a bloke who, after a life in the forces and an inheritance from his Mother now has …. nothing. She has bought him a horse. They are taking both kids and their spouses to Italy this summer.

    She has a little part time job and earns £6,500.00 a year. Last year she spent – just a minute I am getting wet eyes – £39,500.00.

    And then there is this business of her Mother changing her will. Her brother has refused to disclose the papers to the court. The judge observed: speaks for itself.

    And then money we could both do with is being spent on lawyers. We are Derbyshire. Her Solicitor is Tonbridge. Yes Tonbridge. 250 miles away. She travelled to Manchester for the day. She also used a London Barrister. Who is paying for that? She can’t work out she is spending more on lawyers than the money she is fighting for. Stupid, stupid cow.

    And what about the kids? Spending at £40k a year earning £6,500.00 money. You hope your kids will inherit. She is throwing family money down the lavvy.

    Will I ever marry again? Ho, ho.

    • Fi says:

      Stupid woman. I think she will at least have to pay her legal costs out of any settlement so you may have some small satisfaction that she won’t be left with nearly as much as she wants by the time she has forked out for her London barrister/expensive solicitors. Maybe you should think about taking up meditation to help you through the coming weeks/months as otherwise I imagine you will become so enraged at what is going to happen that you will put yourself in danger of a stroke.

      • T Lover says:

        Last Friday I my son called a 999 ambulance and I was taken to Stepping Hill. BP top line in the ambulance 230.

        Funnily enough, I don’t think it was anything to do with the missus. I have regular BP checks which show my BP is stable.

        Oddly, I have started to feel sorry for the wife. Her best friend was made bankrupt albeit some time ago and the 55 year old bloke she is with has lost everything. She is not worldly wise. I can see if she carries on like this she will end up in a mess and my kids are going to be the losers in the long term.

        See you in the Borders soon? Need to give the place a big hit.

      • Fi says:

        Let me know when you’re up then and provided you haven’t had a stroke/heart attack from the strain of being infuriated by women and their womenliness (which as we know is not the calm rational manliness that you value) then yes I will come and say hello.

  • T Lover says:

    I used to think it wasn’t possible to be on your own. You are honest, wouldn’t knowingly harm anyone.

    If a neighbour is on his/her own give them a call. Come round for a drink. Supper.

    I feel lonelier today than I have ever done in my 99 years. For once I just feel as though I am alone trying to hold back the tide.

    I know I am feeling sorry for myself. But when things start to look black it is bloody awful.

    I went fishing with an (older) friend on Tuesday. He arrived second. Walked up to the desk and asked the girl: has my mate arrived? Vascular dementia. How short is life?

    • Fi says:

      What has happened to upset you?

      • T Lover says:

        Nice of you to ask but by the time I had finished moaning you would need a stronger bra.

        Just debating whether to spend a few nights in the office – all night – just to catch up. What a treat.

        Libido has crept away.

        No enthusiasm for anything. My first wife and her husband are supposed to be here for a meal on Saturday. Now, just sitting here thinking: can I face it? Me and those two.

        Tomorrow, I’ll put up a Gmail address.

      • T Lover says:

        eMail me at Planktonmale@gmail.com.

        Funnily, plankton@ and planktonmail@ were in use.

      • Ethel says:

        Oh heck, T, you should have put some spaces in that email address. It’ll be picked up by every spammer on the internet – you’ll be inundated with offers of Viagra and emails telling you your bank account is about to be suspended!

      • Fi says:

        Are you going to email him? I have so it looks like there’s no going back 🙂

      • Ethel says:

        Fi, I took the invite to email T as being towards you only…

      • Jude says:

        *Sigh* I feared this day might come. You’re all going to do a Jack Bauer (go dark) on us, aren’t you?
        😦 is that a sulky face, can’t tell, too small to see it’s eyes on my phone.

      • Fi says:

        This is the man who every so often asks if we can all meet up so I think that includes you too. 🙂

      • Ethel says:

        Jude, I agree, I don’t want to see everyone disappear from here, or the other blog that Maria kindly set up. And we don’t know who else is still reading, even if they don’t wish to comment.

        Fi, I doubt it somehow. T rarely seems to reply to me when I make comments to him. Do you, T? And since I’m way dahn souf, Scotland is a tad too far.

      • Fi says:

        I’m still here and not going anywhere. 🙂

        Having been told where T currently lives (in England) I can advise he is no further than a two/two and a half hour train journey from London.

      • Ethel says:

        I’m glad you’re not leaving us, F 🙂

        Travel on a train? Eeek! I gave up being squashed in with the great unwashed when I gave up work almost five years ago. Can’t say I miss it. Anyway, I’m about an hour on the other side of London, so would make for a long journey with several changes for me. One much prefers to get in one’s new car and just drive 😉

      • T Lover says:


        Do not be paranoid. And your new car will be knackered by the time it has been up our half mile of potholes.

        It’s 1 hr 40 mins to Macc by train. But Macc is 35 mins away by car.

      • Ethel says:

        T, just because you could not be arsed to reply to me doesn’t make me paranoid :p

        And you don’t have the monopoly on potholes. We got plenty of the blighters down here.

        35 minutes to Macclesfield from where? Not London and certainly not Kent!

      • T Lover says:


        You are paranoid.

        It’s 35 minutes to here from Macclesfield. Blame Fiona for setting that hare running.

  • J says:

    I used to chip in with the odd comment.
    Could I ask what happened to the person who started this, please? I always thought that she would write one last update, hopefully positive, then bid us farewell.

    • Fi says:

      Who knows. My thinking is that after couple of years of writing about how awful her dating life was, dwelling on the negative side of life all the time, she gave up writing for the sake of her sanity. And is probably a much happier person for it.

    • Ethel says:

      J, I also hoped we would get one last update from Plankton, but she’s just abandoned us.

  • T Lover says:

    This`eMail business and getting together has me worrying – think I’ll pull the address.

    • Fi says:

      The only person who knows your address is me, and I shall delete your email immediately and you can delete mine too. There – problem solved. 🙂

    • Ethel says:

      Now who’s being paranoid… 😀

      • Fi says:

        And there was us thinking that it was the WOMEN in T’s life that were inconsistent and erratic 😀

      • Ethel says:

        Too funny, Fi 😀 Neighbours now wondering what I’m laughing about.

      • T Lover says:

        Now you’re being rotten.

      • T Lover says:

        I thought….

      • T Lover says:

        …it would be interesting to meet or at least talk to some of the people who have been in this oddball form of contact but that ain’t going to happen is it?

      • T Lover says:

        So what’s the point of putting any effort into trying?

      • Fi says:

        T – have you even drinking? 🙂

      • T Lover says:

        Bugger off.

        I’m in the office. I wish I had. I could do with a large meths.

        I got home around 10. One of my pups did a runner. Just after 11 I stopped looking. Had my grub and went to bed in a sleeping bag on the kitchen floor leaving the back door open in case she came back on her own.

        My first ex wife and her husband were supposed to be coming round for a meal tonight and because I could not raise them on the phone I drove over with a note to say I would like to put it off for a week.

        Then I drove to work (25 miles) because an electrician needed access to my next door building. I have a tenant I cannot afford to lose and he is screaming to be in.

        So, here I am clearing my very untidy desk and am pleased to announce that as I have cleared the layers of paper I have found a seam of mouse crap.

        I have also been wondering about another sortie into internet dating and six months ago had spotted a profile I rather fancied. So I just had a quick peep to see if she was still there but had added more information which made it clear she had plenty of folding and was looking for a bloke who also had plenty so they could afford wonderful things together.

        Not me luv. So internet dating has been abandoned again.

        That’s it. And I did pull the eMail account.

  • Fi says:

    How do you know it’s not going to happen? You haven’t even invited anyone yet apart from me, and now you’re backing out of that. I’d be up for meeting folk i think.

    • T Lover says:

      But you said you wanted things to remain anonymous so how was that going to work? We all wear bags on our heads?

  • zoe says:

    “And there was us thinking that it was the WOMEN in T’s life that were inconsistent and erratic”

    For the record, I was never under the illusion that it was that way round 🙂

    • T Lover says:

      You can bugger off too.

    • Fi says:

      I know. It is obviously t that is mental 🙂 but I was being polite. So basically, if I wanted to email him again I can’t as he has deleted the account. God imagine how stressful it would be dealing with him on a day to day basis – changing his mind all the time. Aaaargh!!!!

      • T Lover says:

        You, a woman, are having a go at me for changing my mind?

      • Fi says:

        I think you have demonstrated that when it comes to inconsistent and erratic behaviour and changing your mind, men are the winners not women. In fact you have single handedly demonstrated that stereotype applies torn not women. Even more in fact zoe Ethel and I are the epitome of rationality.

      • T Lover says:

        It takes two seconds to set up a Google (or Hotmail) account so if it was such a good idea why don’t you set one up?

        And you have all the detail you need if you want to get in touch (but not vice versa) so what’s your beef?

      • T Lover says:

        Fiona, now it’s my turn. You been drinking?

      • Fi says:

        Am out with friends and it does involve wine 🙂

    • T Lover says:

      You are just a bunch of bullies having a go at a poor defenceless male.

      • Ethel says:

        Defenceless? Yeah right. Funny how it’s also the ones who like to dish it out that are the first to complain when it’s turned back on them! Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones!

      • Ethel says:

        Always, not also

      • T Lover says:

        Oh, that’s a cracker.

        First, you moan because you (mistakenly) think I ignore you. Second, you have another pop saying I dish it out but can’t take it. Third you have a pop saying I blow hot and cold because I changed my mind about the eMail account set up with a view to getting together. Then you have cold feet about getting together.

        But you are right there is no real chance of meeting because no-one will take the chance of travelling only to arrive uncomfortable and disappointed.

        I am beginning to feel like a bloke at the Womens Institute – wondering what the hell I am doing here.

        I wish someone at WordPress or wherever it is would pull the plug.

      • Fi says:

        Christ T. If I didn’t know better I’d say you were a menopausal woman. You have mood swings, you’re inconsistent, you’re reactive and touchy and you perceive slights all the time, you can’t take a joke, feel sorry for yourself and change your mind constantly. Add real menopausal women into the mix and I’m amazed nobody has been stabbed to death to be frank.
        If you don’t want to comment or read the blog then stop doing so. Instead of wanting the blog shut down to prevent anybody else enjoying it just because you aren’t (at this exact moment in time although in ten minutes time you probably will again). Take up meditation.

      • T Lover says:

        Trouble with the instant over the net comment ins that you can’t see the face. You have no idea whether the comment is made with a smile or serious.

        I can take the ribbing, don’t worry.

        Thing is though that I am back at work again today trying to avoid the thing I am here for viz work.

        And whilst at those times when I really have been down the blog has been a help, a way to vent feelings I somehow seem to have moved on.

        Largely the things people write are friendly but just amount to chit chat.

        It seems odd that people who correspond in the manner of friends know nothing about each other. So, I wonder why I am doing it.

        Add in the fact I am pretty much the only bloke amongst a bunch of women and I begin to wonder what the hell I am doing.

        When I said I wish someone at WordPress would pull the plug I meant: and stop me carrying on this oddball virtual relationship with anonymous strangers. Rather like dogging but without the sex.

        If I told friends what I do – make comments on this blog – they would think I was barking. And beyond hope if the knew what I said.

  • zoe says:

    @Fi. Shame. I thought a memorable summer house party was taking shape.

    • Fi says:

      Oh me too. I’d like to meet you guys I think. 🙂

      • Ethel says:

        Not sure I’d be up for a house party. That could be horrendous if we didn’t like each other! I’d be up for a meet somewhere, but realistically I think we all live too far apart.

      • Fi says:

        yeah you’re probably right. Although I’m not sure why we wouldn’t like each other as we probably know each other quite well by now.

      • T Lover says:

        And I was so looking forward to being carried round in your handbag.

        And sitting on your knee whilst you strummed your ukelele.

      • T Lover says:

        So, Miss Fiona, why didn’t you get in touch when you had the chance?

      • T Lover says:

        I think it’s like internet dating. There are lots of women who just want some sort of human contact, ar happy to chit vhat over the net but real contact – no.

        Where’s Maria?

      • T Lover says:

        I’ll try that again. Rice in the keyboard.

        I think it’s like internet dating. There are lots of women who just want some sort of human contact, are happy to chit chat over the net but real contact – no.

        Where’s Maria

      • maria says:

        Hey T! How are you doing? More cheerful today? Have you found a new girlfriend yet?
        I’m fine, school year is over and I won’t see those wretched brats again till mid September. Yayyy!!
        It’s bloody scorching here in the north of Portugal!

      • T Lover says:

        Always cheerful, ha ha, Hope you are OK. Girlfriend? Who wants one of those?

      • maria says:

        You do. What happened to the old one? I thought you had solved things out.

      • T Lover says:

        In London.

        Not easy – just seem to have so much to do we were both constantly wound up.

  • Chris says:

    Oh dear…things round here now seem to have descended into tetchiness…how unattractive. T Lover…what are you blethering on about? I gather you are a bit stressed at the moment…but don’t be so anti-woman…its all rather inelegant…mind you, can’t remember last time I met an elegant lady in the UK…they all seem to be in to tattoos and the BBW thing now !! Anyway, hi folks…and smile !!

  • Chris says:

    And where the hell has that pesky Plankton got to ??…deserting all her little Plankonites…it not never ever never right !!

  • Fi says:

    Off today for a few days in Milport. Lashing winds and gales. Excellent Scottish summer weather

    • T Lover says:

      You around a week tomorrow/Tuesday?

      • Fi says:

        ah well no – I’m working now. I know I said I took early retirement, but after 6 months of being unmotivated and gradually sleeping in longer and staying up later, I signed up to a temping agency and got placed on a 4 week contract in an office. Then after 3 weeks they offered me a short term contract of 7 months to cover another woman’s maternity leave. So that’s what I’m doing now. Am around at the weekends – although not the next few – but during the week I’m working again. Supplementing my pension and thinking about my next holiday 🙂

      • T Lover says:

        Sorry. Feel a bit of a plonker for asking now. Don’t know why.

        Perhaps it;s for the best. It was going to be a flying visit with an electrician and plasterer.

      • maria says:

        Fi, you missed work? *the mind boggles*
        I hate mine and can’t wait to leave it for good.

      • Fi says:

        T – make it one weekend when you’re up and I will try to come along.
        Maria – I’m really not missing work, but I was missing the income. What I’d like ideally is for me to be offered a part time job at the end Of this contract. So I have some extra cash but still have spare time as at the moment I have none. The job is ok though – the people are great and it is still a novelty. I would be depressed if I thought I had to do it for another 20 years but a few more months is ok. Anyway I’m sure something will turn up then as it usually does – what’s for you won’t go by you etc etc 👍

  • Plankton_Lurker says:

    Tumbleweed ………

    (where’s everybody gone?)

  • Courtney says:

    Where have you all gone? I read this blog avidly a few years ago and popped by yesterday to see if Plankton had ever added anything. I got completely immersed in reading all your comments. Where is T Lover? Where is Fi? have they set up a hippy retreat centre in T Lover’s remote hillside house? Did T Lover sell up and go to Portugal? Are he Maria running a vineyard in the Portuguese hills? What became of his histrionic girlfriend? I feel like I have been reading a novel only to discover the last chapter has been ripped out!

    • Fi says:

      Haha. Funnily enough I was wondering the same thing and thought it was time for a catch up with everyone. Just running out the door to work – got a but bored after taking early retirement and signed up to a temp agency – but I will give an update when I get home. Hopefully T and Maria and everyone else will drop in and give one too 😃

      • Courtney says:

        I look forward to the update! I should introduce myself: aged 50, widowed for 16 years, my focus was on bringing up my children, I now live alone. I work full time. I lead a mostly quiet life – work that I enjoy but that tires me somewhat, countryside walking and enjoyment of nature, plenty of reading, time with friends and family and the occasional city break for the enjoyment of art and architecture. Not very exciting, but contented! I enjoyed the blog and the responses. I particularly enjoyed Plankton’s angry, witty writing style. I do wonder what happened and suspect perhaps the blog was work-related and the work came to an end, or perhaps she was rumbled by someone she had been writing about. Who knows … I’m just speculating. Now, of course, after reading all these comments, I am even more curious about those who have been commenting! Especially T Lover, as I get the impression he was very honest in his writing, presenting himself warts and all and ready to take the flak. I was really hoping that some of you would meet up! But, I must of course remember – this isn’t novel, much as it felt like one to read! The ends are not going to be going to be tied up neatly for the reader/lurker.

  • Fi says:

    Hello! Here is another blog along the same lines (http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/series/mid-life-ex-wife) i.e. middle aged woman in search of a boyfriend, slightly more cheerful than this one (which I find faintly self pitying) but it’s early days. After enough rejections and laying them all out for people to read about and speculate on I daresay even the most determined optimist ends up depressed. And that is what I think happened to P; After 2 years of being rejected or overlooked by men she liked, and chased after only by men she found unappealing, and dwelling on it constantly for the blog’s sake, and realising that things were unlikely to get any better, I imagine she felt she should stop writing it for the sake of her mental health And if so I heartily applaud her. I’m a believer in ignoring unpleasantness rather than dwelling on it. However now I am working to cover someones maternity leave, the women in my office (aged between 28 and 33) have decided that I need to be internet dated myself. And with their vast experience of selling themselves and others, and knowledge of the different audiences of the various websites, they have arranged a team away day to get me dating site ready. I think this involves a fake tan, a variety of tops for me to wear as I post for photos, and they will draft my profile. I am going along with it as it is all quite interesting and I am intrigued – they being young use Tinder, but apparently that isn’t appropriate for me (thank god) and I am being put onto a classier one. With a fake name obviously. Even the woman on maternity leave is coming in for this team building event. So it will be entertaining if nothing else.

    • Courtney says:

      Oh excellent! What fun colleagues! Maybe you could start your own blog about your experiences. Or, maybe not!

      If anyone shows interest, and you are interested, do meet up! I get the impression T Lover would like to have met you, but he gave up trying.

      It’s a brave step, though, to meet someone you have been communicating with online. The build up. So many expectations. The fear of disappointing someone. The worry of having to let someone down if they are eager, but you find they are not what you were hoping f